How angry would you be - tattoo?

[JuniperJuly]

TLDR: If you were travelling to get what you thought was a matching tattoo with someone but they pulled out, how pissed off would you be?

"Jane" and I have been friends since secondary school. We used to be really close but arent anymore because of distance. We still talk a lot and meet a few times of year and the chat is fun but superficial.

I have 2 tattoos. She has 1.

We both follow a tattoo artist who is known for her amazing birds. I am in the artist's city in September with work so told Jane that I was thinking about getting a bird (which was true). Things got carried away and we both booked to get a bird together in September.

I didnt put any big meaning to it but turns out Jane did and she is really excited about getting matching tattoos. That isnt how I see the tattoo.

In the year since booking, I've decided I dont want another tattoo. I really love the birds but the 2 tattoos I have are really meaningful and somehow (to me) a meaningless tattoo dilutes those. I know its stupid but that is where I am.

We are both travelling about the same distance to the artist's city but mine is on expenses. Jane has said that she would have got a bird earlier if the artist had been closer to her. Im happy to pay for her travel and hotel and obviously I'll go with her and hang out with her.

The artist has a huge waiting list so will fill my slot easily as long as I let her know soon. Plus Ive paid almost 50% deposit so even if she doesnt, she wont be out of pocket.

So, when I tell Jane, Im not getting a tattoo, how pissed off do you think she'll be? She'd have got the tattoo anyway if the artist had been closer.

I'm not getting something permanent on my body to not upset someone else.

I'm not getting something permanent on my body to not upset someone else

That's it in a nutshell OP.

Your friend is an adult and should respect that.

I'd respect the decision. It'd be no hard feelings.

If I saw it as a symbol of our friendship and had thought that you did too, I'd probably be a little hurt/disappointed that you'd changed your mind. But if you explained it the way you have here, I'd get over it and just get the tattoo for myself.

I said you are being unreasonable, only because my personal taste is 'eugh' to any tattoos of any sort for any reason. Certainly, you should not be coerced into it by anyone else - it should only ever be your own choice for your own reasons.

I wouldn't mind at all tbh, if Jane doesn't want the tattoo for its own sake but only as part of a matching pair with you then she's not ready for permanent dermal artwork, IMO.

Not quite the same but my best friend and I went to get our belly buttons pierced together many years ago and she bottled out at the studio. I wasn't annoyed at all because it didn't affect me in any way!

I thought that Five year olds weren’t allowed tattoos!

As long as you didn't pull out on the day it's fine!

I don't think she'll be upset at all. I wouldn't get anything that isn't meaningful to you. But, I wouldn't waste the appointment. I'd get a respray if your current tattoos aren't recent.

This is fair, I don't think she should be out of pocket though. And don't describe it as meaningless, that might be hurtful. Id have a conversation with her about it, don't do it over text!

I’m sure your friend will understand, no one can be forced to get a tattoo that they don’t want. I have quite a few tattoos and would never get a matching one with anyone not even DH, it’s just a bit weird

As long as Jane knows ahead of time that it’s just her, that’s fine.

If she were getting the tattoo as a symbol of your friendship she would justifiably be upset to discover that wasn’t what was happening. And she might decide not to go ahead herself (and be pissed off about a wasted deposit)

But as she was getting the tattoo in the first place and you decided to join her and then afterwards pulled out, I can’t see an issue with it.

Maybe some disappointment on her part that it’s no longer something you will share, but that’s all.

I am sorry if I am missing something but this feels like a total non-issue. Is there a massive back story?

Just tell her that you've been thinking a lot about this and you would actually very much prefer to stick with just the two tattoos that you already have. You will be cancelling your own appointment but will be happy to go and sit with her while she has hers done.

I don't see why it should be any big deal. If she makes it into one then that's her issue.

Im happy to pay for her travel and hotel and obviously I'll go with her and hang out with her

I don’t understand why you would pay her travel and hotel? Why? What difference does it make if you get one or not? It’s not like you are going to hold hands getting them🤣. As long as you catch up while she is there, what does any of it matter? I lost.

If she decides to cancel because Ive pulled out, she shouldn't be out of pocket.

The only reason she is travelling to the artist is because she thought we were getting it together.

I was getting the tattoo first iyswim.

As long as I bring a note from my mum, Im good.

Childish, matchey matchey tattoos, flippy floppy. Just go and get pissed, you ll prob end up with an arse tattoo.

😂

It wouldn’t have crossed my mind this was an issue. Maybe the tattooist can put your deposit towards your friends tattoo?

The only reason she is travelling to the artist is because she thought we were getting it together

Okay, but unless she is 5yo, that seems odd. As long as you are in the city and make time to have a drink, catch up (and admire her new tattoo😀) what would it matter? It’s odd to say you are only getting a tattoo if someone you know is physically there … holding your hand ….. gazing at you …… playing on their phone……. Sorry, I have tattoo’s and still don’t get it. If someone I knew said they would only get a tattoo if I went with them and got one as well I’d think they were mad (or had suffered an accident which sent their brain back to that of a 5yo), and I would never agree to that, as it’s odd.

They want birds, so it might be matching blue tits on their pink arses.

Nobody can be angry over the decision another person makes about their own body.

I sat on my own in a rough and ready tattoo bar once for a five hour tat. It was full of hells angels types but the artist was fantastic and has done other work for me. I wouldn't let anyone else near my skin with ink except for him, plus he was a really nice guy.

I thought you were going to say the other person pulled out after you'd had yours done!

You're giving plenty of notice and covering any costs so I think that's fine. She might be a bit disappointed/upset, but sometimes plans fall through

I did this with a friend (for a piercing, not a tattoo)

The piercing wasn’t the purpose of the trip but it was pre booked and discussed as part of our itinerary for a long time.

But when we got to the piercing shop, she pulled out. I didn’t blink an eye - and still got mine - it’s her body.