To not enjoy lots of aspects of looking after my newborn

[SophieRules]

I’m not depressed but it is starting to get me down. When he is awake he is usually moaning or crying. I’m exhausted and feel like a rubbish mum. He is 2 weeks old, when does it get better, easier? I try to look at his cues but I find it really hard to work out what he wants, but all around me I seem to see these calm awake babies just laying in prams or looking around. He is asleep or crying or uncomfortable.

I find the newborn stage is really hard going as u r so exhausted, relentlessly feeding, changing, adjusting to this new life and pouring all ur love into this child who’s only way of communicating is crying so u constantly feel like ur not doing enough at a time when you r doing more than ever ! I found once they r about 8 weeks they start to support their head a bit and interact a little bit more !

YANBU it's very hard. It gets easier.

It’s not enjoyable. It’s a chore. Lower your expectations and just survive each day.

This. I found DC2 much better than DC1, partly because I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it. Hated the newborn phase. It gets better when they get a bit older, hang in there.

Roughly sticking to this helped me when my daughter was little.
It does get easier, hang in there 💛 the first 3 weeks were hell and terrifying for me with my first, I was so scared and anxious.
You’ll get there x

Newborn babies are exhausting. They cry, want almost constant feeding, nappy changing, burping sleep for a few hours then it all starts again. Some babies cry more than others. Some babies are intolerant to milk so scream a lot. My niece couldn't tolerate milk so had to have prescription milk. It was weeks before my sister found out. All the time my niece was screaming she blamed herself and thought she must be doing something wrong. She wasn't her baby had an allergy. Try taking them out in fresh air as it tires them out and they sleep more.

I think when babies are that small they are generally pretty miserable if they are not asleep or feeding. In a few weeks they become more interactive and it's gets easier. Its fine not to enjoy the newborn phase. You have 18 years (plus) of parenting and there are bound to bits of it you don't enjoy!

Having a new born is hard work they are either asleep or crying once they settle into a routine and start developing a personality you will enjoy them more .

Newborns are relentless. I promise it does get easier. First off when you get a few smiles it all feels so much more worth it. Also as they grow and go for longer between feeds it feels less exhausting. Then by 6 months which will be gone before you know it, you will have a potentially sitting, babbling, rolling baby who is a lot more fun.

Hang in there, your baby is still so new, just cuddle, watch watch sets and sod the chores for this time.

At 2 weeks in, you still have a swirl of hormones going through you which will be adding to your feelings. Everything has changed pretty much overnight and no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed

it does get easier like the PP say - but also keep talking to people - friends, family, your health visitor, other mums (baby clubs etc) and on Mumsnet of course - always someone online especially in the middle of the night when you are doing that cluster feed forever!

Also, make sure you are really getting the wind up, look for signs of reflux/ tongue tie / allergies etc in case these are reasons for the fussing. Mine just never wanted to be put down, they were like bloody limpets!

It’s crap and soul destroying, I find it eases at 12weeks when sleeping and everything else like feeding settles down.
You are not alone! I would say lots of first time mums feel the exact same way!

I just wanted to agree with others. It’s absolutely ok to hate the newborn stage (I did!) and still be a good mother. It’s tiring and relentless!

But then little stages creep in-they smile, they react to something you did, they sleep a little better.

For me, I didn’t love the first 6 months. With my second, I massively lowered my expectations and the knowledge that it gets easier and more fun kept me going and made me enjoy it a lot more

@PopThatBench I realise your schedule was shared with good intentions, but my baby wasn’t sleeping anything like the hours at night that the schedule suggests. I blamed myself for it and thought something was wrong with me as a mum or my baby. Now I know that all babies are different and some don’t sleep in long blocks at night for a long time - and that is perfectly fine. Babies will just do what they need to do. The schedule you shared would have really upset me in my newborn mum state, I don’t think they are helpful at all

I found it to be utterly awful tbh. It does slowly get better though.

The first month is crazy. Don’t feel guilty for not enjoying every minute. It’s super hard work and you’re still healing. Things felt more manageable for me after 6-8 weeks, but everyone is different.

If you’re still feeling really crap in a few weeks, speak to your health visitor and/or GP.

Started to get easier for me when they smiled at 6 weeks, and much much easier after 12 weeks. Still full on, but definitely easier and with a bit of breathing space. Also much easier to work out why they are crying etc with time, you’re both getting to know each other atm. Have you heard of the fourth trimester?

You are not a rubbish mum, don’t compare yourself to others, all babies are different and some cry more than others. Everything is a stage and it will get easier.

My mum said to me "it's a good thing they learn to smile when they do as by then you're ready to throw them out the window!" Newborns are tough. It will get much better.

Have you read about the 4th trimester. Baby is still really part of you so just stay in bed a lot and have low expectations

OP, the newborn phase with baby 1 is tough, especially as there are so many changes to you as mum and you don’t have time to adjust as you would pre children. I completely agree with the other mums who say that is ok and normal. You will get through it and this will all get easier in time

Hell yeah, newborn days (and nights) are shit. I would have had my second much sooner if I could have skipped the first 3 months of newborn.

two things really helped me:
my mum messaged me every morning to ask how my baby slept, it sounds daft and we would chat later in the day but just recognising it was day time and other people were awake made me feel better
and my best friend came round once a week and cuddled my baby while I had 2 hours sleep. Then she went home. She rarely stayed to chat because she had life on at home. But she’s still my besser 13 years later so I reckon we survived those weeks of not talking.

take all the help you can and lower your standards and expectations.

it gets better.. enough that I had a second child!!!

@KatyN

Your friend sounds so lovely

Newborn stage is hard because it can be quite boring, tiring and repetitive. I found once you get something back from baby like a smile it starts to improve a lot and feels all worth it. But it is tough the first few weeks.

That’s why I said “roughly”.
My baby didn’t sleep through the night well at all, but the daytime nap schedule helped me a lot.
I was never able to “sleep when the baby sleeps”.

Newborns are brutal. I know you'll hear a lot of 'it does get better', it does, but God i remember those newborn trenches and thinking haha fuck yeah when? It does, it changes. Then there's a new phase of trying your metal. You can do this! But yes, it feels relentless xx