To not enjoy lots of aspects of looking after my newborn

[SophieRules]

I’m not depressed but it is starting to get me down. When he is awake he is usually moaning or crying. I’m exhausted and feel like a rubbish mum. He is 2 weeks old, when does it get better, easier? I try to look at his cues but I find it really hard to work out what he wants, but all around me I seem to see these calm awake babies just laying in prams or looking around. He is asleep or crying or uncomfortable.

These replies are helpful, thank you, reassuring to know I’m not alone but I feel like very few people admit to this publicly.

Oh love. It is hard and brutal. For the first 6 weeks I was convinced I had ruined my life, and wanted to run away. 6 weeks was a turning point. You can't underestimate the change to your routine and the magnitude of it all. Be kind to yourself, you are doing a great job

I found the first couple of weeks pretty fun because it was all new and exciting but once the sleep deprivation properly kicked in I slowly ended up losing my mind and, well, I've never been the same since. I feel bad that I did not enjoy any aspects of my DDs first year. However with my second my expectations were as low as they could possibly be and I was already mentally in that space so it was a surprisingly positive experience. I feel guilty that my DS got the better parent in those first months.

Honestly? When in doubt, feed him.

The first month is hard, they basically want to breastfeed or sleep on you most of the time. I found it most bearable when i just went with it and stopped subscribing to any notion of how often feeds should be. If he wanted feeding i fed him, sometimes that was very often. I just had tops where i could let a strap down.

My DS is 12 weeks and it does get easier as weeks go past, don’t get me wrong i’m still not loving this stage but he’s alot more alert now and his personality is showing now with him smiling and cooing. I felt like the world’s worst mum to begin with as i really struggled to read his cues but we’ve got the hang of that now and he also has CMPA/reflux once we started the prescription milk it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders(we do still go through what feels like 20 bibs a day right enough🙄) you’ve got this mumma make sure you reach out if your struggling also x

Is it meant to be enjoyable? I don’t know a mum who enjoyed it until later on.

A lot of it is really crap and draining. We can lose so much control and freedom!

But it won't last forever, I promise.

The one constant factor in having a child is that they're constantly changing, and going through various phases.

You're doing brilliantly - one thing that can be so helpful is just to reach out to other people who understand, just like you're doing. 💐

Honestly, and i risk flack for this, i hate babies.

I obviously love mine, including neices, children of v.close friends. But I didnt really enjoy any of them much til about 15months. I find babies needy, boring, tiring, frustrating. Its like a responsibility to who they are going to grow into, to the personalities they'll develop and the gorgeous toddlers, children and people they become.

I know not everyone feels like I do, but I honestly just find 2+ is where I enjoy them, where they flourish.

The truth all relationships have difficult periods, and its ok if thats true even with your babies. It is hard, and thats ok. And struggling or hating it at times is normal, rational and doesnt mean you dont love them with every fibre in you.

Its ok. You'll be doing great. Keep going

The best thing about my subsequent babies was knowing that hating the newborn stages didn’t make me a bad mother. And that they are not the best bit!

The nights are so long (and the days can be interminable) but it will be over very soon.

I used to hate reading posts on here about how people ‘absolutely loved their maternity leave and the newborn period was the best with all the cuddles and milky snuggles’

The only good thing about it was the amount of cakes and pastries I justified eating. I used to track my husbands location when he was coming home from work so that I’d be at the door ready to hand the baby to him when he walked through!

We’re 9 months in and I can’t pretend I love it, she doesn’t sleep which isn’t fun, but I love her more than anything else in the world and hearing her giggle is just the best.

you’re not alone, OP. It’s hard!

I found it got better in stages - at 8 weeks when they were smiling, at 3 months when they were more interactive and breastfeeding had settled a bit more. At 6 months when they could sit and start eating real food, then at 9 months when mine was crawling and found me absolutely hilarious!

keep going and take as much support as you can from partner/family/friends/ health visitor

Wait until he smiles @SophieRules. It makes it all worthwhile.

I could have given my first baby away to strangers when he was about 2 weeks old. That really was a low point. I was so tired...

I kept him. He advises me on DIY now, lol.

Is he your first? My first real boost was when we could make her smile at about 6-8 weeks I think (forgive me it’s hard to remember!) - but those first few weeks were an absolute blur of crying, no sleep and constantly bouncing up and down on an exercise ball because that’s the only way she would nap - she needed constant movement or would wake instantly. it’s warfare at that stage and for me anyway it only got easier. I spent a LOT of time at my parents house, the more hands you can get to help either you or the baby is just gold dust. Do you have family close by? Any friends that you could hang out with at least to keep you company?

in terms of when it really started getting better I would say 6-12 months it’s pretty good and then after that it’s just a constant incline. So many firsts, so much personality coming through. My DD is 3 and I’m a SAHM and just adore every day with her, she’s a bloody hoot. I remember crying at 3am when she was your sons age and I wasn’t really connecting with her that much and my DH said ‘you’re going to be best friends, I promise’ …and I couldn’t even imagine it. But lame as it sounds he was right.

My DD sounds similar to your son, quite whiny, nothing particularly wrong but just not the happy calm baby a lot of my friends had! Bit of reflux which didn’t help. But at 3 she is so happy, sassy, kind, and so so fun. And she’s started to sleep a pretty solid 12 hours. Just trying to say that those early things you think are personality trails really aren’t, they are just very simple creatures at the start and have basic ways of communicating (screaming)!

You’re doing great, it’s a lonely job. Never be afraid to ask for help.

Feel for you, OP.
Immediately after I had DS I was absolutely bewildered as to why people were saying congratulations, I was convinced I had made a huge mistake and that my life was over. And this was a desperately wanted and planned for baby!
I just wanted to sleep and not be at the beck and call of this tiny, angry, colicky human who would not be put down.

For many people the first few weeks are awful, particularly with a first baby. 2 weeks is a very hard time. Hang in there. It gets better in small stages: when they first start smiling; when they can be put down to look about them without whinging; when they sleep a little bit more and you get a bit more yourself; when you recover a little more from the birth. There is a shift at 6 weeks and by 12 weeks you may well feel different (and, if you don’t, that is also understandable - please seek support and talk about how you feel, you are not alone). Go easy on yourself and take each hour as it comes with lots of treats for yourself and as much fresh air as you can manage without exhausting yourself, take lots of shortcuts (absolutely minimise any cooking or cleaning for instance).