To find DS so exhausting

[rocksmetalandwood]

I love him so much, but honestly he just exhausts me. Never stops talking, moving, charging around, shouting. It goes on until I’ve lost it.

The mess he makes is unbelievable as well.

I think I’d have assumed it was normal but I had another child and this weekend DS went away and I just had my second one and it was so unbelievably chilled and calm.

He just really hurt me by climbing over my back and yanked my hair so I thought I was going to be scalped for a moment.

He isn’t like this all the time but it is so destructive towards our relationship.

How old is he?

That would help, sorry. He’s four - goes to school in September.

4 too young, perhaps when he’s 6 you can seek assessment if he still displays same traits

i have one of those and he does have adhd

I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. Whether he has ADHD or not it doesn’t really make a difference anyway. It’s fucking relentless!

Mine is the same age but not quite as intense. Has it got worse recently? Mine is having breakdowns as soon as he comes out of pre school at the moment. He drew blood on my hand today. I think they've been hyped up all day long with stuff about going into reception and then go bananas when they come out.

If he does there is help

agree on the last sentence !

Parenting is relentless - how old is your younger one?
it goes in waves sometimes they are easier sometimes they aren’t!

DD 16 and DS 12 are lovely but still relentless!

I think this is what worries me. He’s got easier in some ways of course but also bigger. I’m surprised at how much he hurt me just now and how angry I was.

It may just be a personality thing, but have you tried a processed food free diet?

hey I have a rough and tumble four year old too, it’s like having a Great Dane puppy.

i feel bad because he does all the same things he did when he was a lot lighter and smaller like clamber all over me but now he’s heavier and taller and it hurts.

Sometimes he’ll end up flattening my boob to the side and I’m like OWWWWWW or jabbing me with all his weight on his elbow.

Also he randomly just moves everything around and I’ll find a bath towel up the hall way where he’s dried his hands and dragged it and the sofas cushions in the kitchen.

He eats really well @Getmoveon14 . I’m not going to say he never ever has processed food but it’s not very common.

@IlovePhilMitchell i know what you mean. It feels deliberate as they get older too. And yes to things being moved. I still can’t believe how tidy the house was with just my two year old this weekend.

My wild and aggressive then-preschooler has just finished his first year at school. He's calmed down massively with help from the school in understanding rules, boundaries and expectations. I think it's really common for little boys for be like this. A lot of them start calming down by the time they're 6ish. Good luck! (Mine's still far from perfect btw, but definite improvements from last year).

Sometimes second children are just calmer because they've had to rub along with the first one for life. They are usually better at entertaining themselves too. Hence when you have just the older one, it feels more exhausting because they're not used to playing alone.

Two year olds don't move stuff much (or at least consciously) because they don't think beyond what they can see. Four year olds do.

School will wear him out come September. Start channelling his energy positively. Give a marble every time something is returned to its correct place, 10 marbles is a small treat.

Solidarity! Mine is the same, I'm always exhausted and can't wait to go to work sometimes. He is my 3rd and I loved it with the older 2 when they were 4, we'd do nice little activities and have pleasant days out but this one is so hyperactive! I'm hoping he calms down a bit when he starts school.

DS moved things at 2! The house would be a tip after a couple of days off with him. I was barely at home because he’d make such a mess. Normal but throwing books off bookshelves sort of thing.

He has been in an exceptionally energetic mood today, maybe the cooler weather gave him a new lease of life!

Can you say to him - both at the time, and in a separate, serious tone conversation later: Stop hurting me.
And when he does hurt you, don't refrain from saying ow or yelping in pain the same as if anyone/anything else was hurting you.
Four should be the time they start working on developing empathy.

@ACatNamedRobin I have tried, a few times, used social stories too. But it just doesn’t seem effective, I’m not sure if I’m approaching it in the wrong way or something but he just keeps giggling incessantly which tbh makes me so angry I can’t even put into words. I know logically kids don’t necessarily always laugh because they find something amusing but it’s just horrible being laughed at (and the way he laughs is horrible) when you’re saying how much they’ve hurt you.

What discipline?

What do you mean @firedoor ? Do you mean how do we discipline him for being so boisterous?

Honestly it is difficult. A lot of the time he’ll stop a particular action in the moment when told to but it doesn’t stop him the next time. He’s broken the fan downstairs by pelting about, which is so frustrating.

I’ve tried putting him in his room to calm down but it’s awful, he won’t stay there and so you have to sort of shut him in and he goes absolutely mental, it honestly sounds like a tiger or something is shut in rather than a four and a half year old! Then it takes absolutely ages to calm him from that hysterical sort of state where it’s a red face, snot, tears, shaking, to calm.

Then he still charges around everywhere.

He injured himself at nursery today actually so I mentioned to his key worker that I was a bit worried about the level of boisterousness from him and she said it was common at this time of year as they were ready for school and a new challenge. I hope she’s right!

Have you tried any therapeutic play such as controlled falling into cushions, deep pressure squeezing etc? Sometimes they need sensory feedback and if you can provide it in a safe and directed way, it curbs the urge to seek that feedback themselves.

It may be worth a try. Sometimes he isn’t too bad but other times he is and it does affect our relationship. The other day he was trying to lick my face as I was helping him into his pyjamas and it was horrible; I found myself properly recoiling away from him.

I don't think it hurts to show him that you're angry, of course you're going to be angry if someone hurts you in that way, he needs to learn that he can't do that and if that means you being angry with him then so be it.

I definitely agree; the problem is that he just defaults to laughing which makes me rage. I’d love it if it was effective, but it isn’t.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even like me, like he wants to hurt me, which I know isn’t true but sometimes it’s hard not to take it a bit personally.

My son was like this at 4 years old , he is 6 now and has calmed down loads, he is like a different child. School has had a big influence, they told me he was showing signs of being a sensory seeker when he started reception and they introduced what is called a sensory diet to help him regulate.

Licking is a typical sensory seeking behaviour, as is running around, jumping into stuff, wanted to wrestle/play fight, tight hugs and cuddles. It's a way of seeking additional sensory input .

It gets better OP. Mine is 9 now and a lot more chilled. His younger brother is an angel in comparison much like yours. I'm always thankful I didn't have two like the first. Out of interest did you have a difficult birth with your first? I have a bit of a theory on this.