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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be surprised that everyone has plans?!

39 replies

Moneymaybe · 14/07/2025 20:52

My 7yo daughter has lots of friends, or at least I thought so until now! We’re already in our summer holidays and I’ve messaged two mums to see if their kids are free for a play date only to be told they’re busy and to suggest making plans later in the holidays. My work means that I’m off for the holidays with my child.

When I was young, I remember summer holidays being filled with seeing my friends. Are parents now so busy with work that they need to make sure the time is filled with family visits, holidays camps/clubs etc for childcare reasons? Or is my lovely daughter just a bit unpopular?

i should add, I hated feeling left out when I was younger and so am perhaps projecting a bit… I of course haven’t mentioned to my girl that we’ve had a couple of knock backs, and wondering if she’s unpopular is definitely in jest.

OP posts:
SheSmellsSeaShells · 14/07/2025 20:54

I prefer to plan ahead and like making fun plans for the summer holidays - this means if someone messages in the morning I’m usually not free that day. I think with the rise in needing to pre book various days out, most people plan ahead.

InterestedBeing · 14/07/2025 20:56

Are parents now so busy with work that they need to make sure the time is filled with family visits, holidays camps/clubs etc for childcare reasons?

Yes pretty much

ForLovingAquaSheep · 14/07/2025 20:57

Most people work so can't just wing it and hope they'll have a friend to play with for the day. They need arrangements made in advance

marriednotdead · 14/07/2025 20:57

IME parents that have to work some or all of the school holidays tend to have to plan the entire time as a block to ensure childcare is sorted etc.
Dont take it personally, perhaps there are other families that are in a similar position to you.

Original poster
Moneymaybe · 14/07/2025 20:59

ForLovingAquaSheep · 14/07/2025 20:57

Most people work so can't just wing it and hope they'll have a friend to play with for the day. They need arrangements made in advance

Thank you. I think I knew this was the case, but just needed to give myself a bit of a shake and get over the paranoia. I know I’m in a lucky position (in the holidays at least!)

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 14/07/2025 20:59

Most people don't have the summer off. I've had to plan 6 weeks of summer holidays childcare so my response would be we could only do something in the final week when I have annual leave. The other 5 weeks I'm in work and kids are in holiday clubs

audweb · 14/07/2025 20:59

at that age yes - I was a lone parent with limited annual leave. Could take a couple of weeks off but other than that my kid was in a holiday club. It’s not like you can just leave that to chance? Now my kids a teenager she can make her own plans which is great.

CurlsLDN · 14/07/2025 21:01

It’s not personal. Many employed people only get 4 weeks annual leave per year, so they make the most of it by planning days out well in advance, or protecting quiet days spent at home with the family. The rest of the time children are often in childcare, at a holiday club or with extended family.

they’ve asked you to suggest a plan for a bit later in the holiday so go ahead! Get it in the diary now

mynameiscalypso · 14/07/2025 21:01

We don’t have a free weekday at home during the holidays - we’re either away on holiday or working and DS is in childcare or with family. If we’re not away then weekends are usually family time; as they are during school.

SalmonEile · 14/07/2025 21:01

Do the friends have siblings?
I stopped asking some of my kids friends parents to meet up because they would then feel pressure to arrange a friend for the younger sibling to play with

SJM1988 · 14/07/2025 21:01

Are parents now so busy with work that they need to make sure the time is filled with family visits, holidays camps/clubs etc for childcare reasons?

This 100%

Our summer holiday plans have been in place for weeks and we haven't started yet. I have one weekend at home the whole holidays and I only get 1 week off (my DH has a different week off with DS). I like to see friends with similar ages children and its my birthday that week so we see family/do a big day out just me and DS to celebrate (Harry Potter Studios this year). I have also arrange 1 or 2 play dates for my DS but again I message those mums weeks ago to put place holders in.

Summer holiday clubs book up fast so were also booked weeks ago.

whynotmereally · 14/07/2025 21:04

Some will be working and precious time off will e family time.
some will do plans with friends/family
some prefer a last minute approach

i am off over summer too and have plan 70% of the hols already

AmberMae · 14/07/2025 21:05

As all of the above most parents I know, myself included have to plan childcare for the summer holidays months in advance. You could always put an offer out that you are around in the summer and can have one or two of her friends over for the day to play to help parents out and also company for your daughter. I often did childcare ‘swaps’ with my kids friends when my DC were younger.

Iamblossom · 14/07/2025 21:05

Moneymaybe · 14/07/2025 20:59

Thank you. I think I knew this was the case, but just needed to give myself a bit of a shake and get over the paranoia. I know I’m in a lucky position (in the holidays at least!)

Show quote history

It’s been a few years now but reading this did make me remember that if my sons got invited to a friend’s house on a day I had made other childcare arrangements for them because I was working, then I had to say no.

Helpmeplease2025 · 14/07/2025 21:06

My DC get 9 weeks off. I have plans the first 4 weeks and the last week. We’re on week two so it would be at least another fortnight before I could make any plans

Shenmen · 14/07/2025 21:08

I think it's really changed in the last decade or so, parents can't afford to be off. When mine were little DH and worked P/T over the hols to cover it and had loads of endless days in parks and friends gardens. That lockdown summer was bliss for the groups of 6 as they kids got to run around our city with no traffic and meet up their mates (my business had been forced closed, so I was off a lot too every cloud...I mean we're skint but still!)

RobinPenguins · 14/07/2025 21:10

I’ve got 2 weeks off with my DD this summer and we’re abroad for one and away in this country for the other. I’m at work the rest of the time, DD is with her dad, her grandparents and at holiday clubs. So yes, we are busy.

BackToRealitySigh · 14/07/2025 21:10

Yes could be 100% true. My dd struggles with friendships so I wanted to make sure she got to see a couple of people over the summer and when I went to text one mum I had a choice of 4 dates across the whole summer holiday when she wasn't either away (grandparents/dad's house/our holiday) or in camp of some description and I'm only using 6 days childcare this year.
I did avoid weekends though.

Octavia64 · 14/07/2025 21:10

Yes, I made plans for the summer holidays usually in January/Feb.

i did try to take a week so that we could do some play dates.

redskydelight · 14/07/2025 21:11

InterestedBeing · 14/07/2025 20:56

Are parents now so busy with work that they need to make sure the time is filled with family visits, holidays camps/clubs etc for childcare reasons?

Yes pretty much

Yes, the whole summer is on a spreadsheet. If you have limited annual leave it all needs planning in advance. My limited time off when we weren't on our family holiday was the only few days that was available for play dates, and some of that was earmarked for boring things like shopping for school shoes.

Random play dates are the preserve of SAHMs (and certainly where I am, they are few and far between by mid primary school).

AgualusasLover · 14/07/2025 21:13

Lunch place have also taken card details. I’ll only be charged in the event our party doesn’t turn up at all. As long as some of us turn up the all good. If we collectively don’t turn up they will charge me £10pp. But it’s really very unlikely that at least some of us won’t be there.

Cutleryclaire · 14/07/2025 21:13

‘ Are parents now so busy with work that they need to make sure the time is filled with family visits, holidays camps/clubs etc for childcare reasons?’

Yes! It’s a military operation. I have a spreadsheet with each day allocated. I feel sad that she sometimes gets invites to a friend’s during the holidays but I needed to know before the holidays started!

pengwing · 14/07/2025 21:16

I was a sahm when mine were in primary school, I used to offer to have friends children for the day in lieu of play dates as such. Gave my kids a chance to have friends over and helped my friends out with childcare for a day.

Pickone · 14/07/2025 21:17

It's definitely not personal. Annual leave is so limited.
Mine wanted to do a few different clubs which are each a week long. Then once you add in a family holiday and visiting extended family, we're left with a small number of totally free days across the whole of the summer holidays.

I also remember summer holidays where we didn't really have plans. But my mum didn't work and neither did many of my friend's mums.

voxnihili · 14/07/2025 21:19

I work term time only. Aside from a holiday we have no other plans. DD is in breakfast and after school club every day term time so I don’t know any of the parents to contact them to arrange anything. No one ever asks after DD either - am hoping it’s just because they don’t know me and not that DD has no friends.

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