AIBU to be surprised that everyone has plans?!

[Moneymaybe]

My 7yo daughter has lots of friends, or at least I thought so until now! We’re already in our summer holidays and I’ve messaged two mums to see if their kids are free for a play date only to be told they’re busy and to suggest making plans later in the holidays. My work means that I’m off for the holidays with my child.

When I was young, I remember summer holidays being filled with seeing my friends. Are parents now so busy with work that they need to make sure the time is filled with family visits, holidays camps/clubs etc for childcare reasons? Or is my lovely daughter just a bit unpopular?

i should add, I hated feeling left out when I was younger and so am perhaps projecting a bit… I of course haven’t mentioned to my girl that we’ve had a couple of knock backs, and wondering if she’s unpopular is definitely in jest.

@Moneymaybe the few summers I’ve had a decent amount of time off work or worked part time I have offered early to have kids’ friends for play dates “if you’re likely to be booking any clubs let me know if there’s a couple of days I can cover for you…” It saves working families paying for clubs and gives my kids play dates to look forward to. Maybe you can try that next year?

Yes, our summer "holiday" is a finely honed balance of holiday clubs, family childcare and annual leave squeezed in around all of my colleague's annual leave. No more than X of the team off at once, this person and that one can't be off on the same day, etc.

We have five windows open for playdates plus a couple of Saturday afternoons, and I'm booking those up at school pickup this week.

I must sound like an absolute nightmare but I'm grimly hanging onto my own sanity right now!

I don’t think most people have the luxury of taking 6 weeks off every summer, no.

I am actually only off this summer because I have cancer and can’t work. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Hence, Dh needing to also take time off to cover for days when I can’t do the childcare.

If you asked me today though about scheduling a play date, I would definitely say, sounds great, let me see in a bit when we’ll be free. I honestly could not tell you right now which days my dc is in holiday club, which days we have things planned, which days we might go away camping, if I might have an appointment at any given time. I haven’t gotten to anything in my diary past Wednesday. Usually play dates are like a ‘are you free tomorrow?’ sort of thing. Unfortunately, our holiday club has to be booked 4 months in advance and slots go for the entire summer in literally 4 minutes, so I can never plan around play dates. Play dates have to plan around us.

I think give people a bit of time to decompress and get themselves sorted after a busy year first.

Do you mean you messaged them and asked them if they were free for a play date on that very day? If so I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all that they’d already made plans for the day.
I don’t think it means your daughter is unpopular at all, they’re just busy on the day you’ve suggested, so I wouldn’t worry!

Could you offer to look after one of her friends for the day? Helps the parent out and your daughter gets a play date

When dc were 7, I had a spreadsheet with every day accounted for by the end of June. If people invited them over I was happy to skip a day of holiday club but they had to have them for the whole day, it wasn't a 2 hour play date!

I have a cafe that is very popular with families. It’s always quiet at the start of the summer holidays as everyone goes away. Then it gets busy in the second half of the holidays.

Maybe the other parents aren’t lucky enough to have the whole summer off and are juggling childcare and work. I remember as a ft working single mom having to plan with military precision, months in advance, especially for the summer holidays. So YABU. Maybe not everyone has the same family set up as you.

I remember camps being booked for the summer just after easter as parents scrambled to be organised. Its not easy.

I think it depends when you were asking to arrange the playdate for, if messaging that day to sort something or even the next day, that is short notice for many people.

I work in a school so get the holidays off but looking at the calendar I can already see a lot of time is booked up - family holiday, weekend trip, holiday club that the kids enjoy going to, plus random appointments like hair cuts, one off events that the library are running that I think my kids will enjoy.
If it's something like an activity I think a friend's child would enjoy then I might say we have plans to go to the library for the craft workshop that day, but you are welcome to join us.

There is also the possibility where having multiple children it is easier to have them both at home rather than one on a playdate which you then have to reciprocate. Part of me feels the kids see their friends everyday when at school so actually during holidays we prioritise doing other things or seeing friends from outside school.

I have the summer off with a 7yo DD but our summer is pretty much planned out at this point. We have 2 weeks holiday abroad, she's doing some activity holiday camps (these get booked up months ahead), seeing some shows and workshops at museums, libraries and attractions (also fully booked), a few one-off activities, we have some dentist and other appointments, and we have family plans for trips out of London for most weekends (we can't do day trips in term time because of weekend activities).

We don't do many play dates in general, but summer play dates are particularly hard because most people are on holiday (some of her friends disappear abroad all summer).

Me and DH work full time so have to plan everything out in advance.

we have the first week off together so we can all go away, then DD is booked into a variety of holiday clubs each week, a few days with her Nana and a few days where she’ll just be hanging around the house or playing out with friends while we work (she’s 11 so capable of this but we limit so she doesn’t spend the whole 6 weeks in front of the telly).

I think most working parents don’t have the whole summer off and with 13 weeks of school holidays and less than half that of annual leave you have to plan activities in advance.

Most people need to arrange things in advance. I’m surprised you would think that most of the other parents either don’t work or have term time only jobs. I have two weeks off over the summer during which we will be away the whole time. The rest of the time I’m working and have already booked and paid for activities for the DCs for most of those days. The holiday camps get booked up, you can’t just show up on the day.

Lone parent with not very much time on my hands here. My child is going to holiday camp for 4 weeks. I only have just over two weeks to spend with him. I plan on spending it visiting family, doing his hobby, maybe 3/4 playdates out of the maybe dozen friends he has at school. Pretty much got the whole summer planned out already.....