To believe that 53 is not too old

[Whichroadtogodown]

To make a new start?

I have been caring for my SN DC for 20 years. They are now moving into supported living. It has been a long hard road of caring for them and securing supported living. It has been full on 24/7 care with barely any respite.
Now that a supported living place has become available, it leaves me lost.
I have no qualifications but will need to support myself financially after Surviving on carers allowance and UC.
I don't even know where to look for work anymore, let alone what I want to do. I would like an admin job if that is possible even if it meant starting at the bottom. I'm prepared for that. Every waking moment up until now has been taken up by my child's needs, hence why I haven't got anywhere career wise. I haven't slept properly in years. I am terrified of what the future holds for me. I have sacrificed everything to care for my child.
Any tips and advice welcome.
I would rather not work directly caring any longer because 20 years of caring has left me in complete burnout, but there's no time to recover or restore my energy. I need to train fast and find work that will support me. I need something that will support me financially.
I divorced 18 years ago and it has just been me on my own since then.
I admit I am at a very low ebb.
Please advise anything you think may help me?

Definitely not too old @Whichroadtogodown and you come across as articulate and nice in your post. Could you start with something just to get your foot in the door (shifts at a supermarket or something) which could also help you make friends as well? Then you can think about what you might like to do longer term. Others have already said where you should be able to get careers advice from. Good luck in this new chapter of your life, it must seem very daunting but I bet it will be the making of you.

I'd agree with this.
TA is probably a good place to start. Or a supermarket.

Trying to get into admin or office jobs you'll likely be competing with people half your age with degrees etc who are struggling to get graduate jobs.

I was in this position 6 years ago after 25 years of caring for my ds who needs round the clock care , I was 57 years old.

It was traumatic for both of us.

Firstly you are going through a huge change, you need to give yourself if possible some breathing space.

Your dc may still need a lot of support as well

It will be financially as well as emotionally challenging, your whole life is changing.

I got a diary and wrote down everyday one thing I’d done that I couldn’t do before , a lie in with a cup of tea , watching a film, a walk, reading a book, going to the supermarket st leisure and one thing my ds had achieved on his own as well, which may have been something as simple as letting his support workers administer medication with no fuss. As he progressed I realised I’d done the right thing.

I visited the job centre and found a lovely advisor who wrote me a brilliant cv (you will have more skills than you realise) and job hunting advise.

Also contact your local carers group for help and any courses they offer ( you are still a carer)

I too said no caring jobs!!

I soon found a customer service role dealing with elderly people, which I love. I didn’t need any experience.

6 years later am doing well , I went abroad on holiday last year for the first time in 30 years, my ds is happy too, and remember that’s why you’ve taken this step for them as well.

I value every day.

There is a whole world out there which you’ve missed out on , you are not old , just take one step at a time and look forward to your new freedom

good luck

Would you mind sending me the information too? I'm in a similar situation at the OP....I'm Audhd with two autistic DSs....although mine are independent. I've been caring for my mum who died last year and I lost all my benefits when my youngest DS finished his A levels.

I've been thinking of doing cleaning but I'm terrified to be honest because I have chronic fatigue. I adore dogs and my life revolves around my dog so this would be a brilliant solution (he might not agree :)).

I'm overwhelmed at the support on this thread. I'm finding it heartwarming that it is also helping some other posters, and it is filling me with hope that posters are explaining how other people have also, through no fault of their own, found themselves in the same position after years of caring for a relative and have managed to carve a life out for themselves, independent of caring for their loved ones.

Caring for my loved ones has meant I have poured myself into them and left nothing for myself. I spent all of my time thinking about their needs and doing my best to meet those needs or acquire the support they needed, as well as the day to day grind of caring for them and I don't regret it for a moment, but it leads to a life of enmeshment, where you become a part of their life, supporting them to live their best life possible whilst simultaneously sacrificing any chances you have of taking care of yourself.

In a way, it isolates you from the 'outside' world and this then becomes your comfort zone. I know this will be challenging to break out of, but I am reading this thread and am filled with hope where I wasn't sure there was any.
I have no confidence at the moment but this thread is helping that light at the end of the tunnel seem brighter!

Thank you to each and every one of you, for making me see that even when someone is down, they are not out!

I retrained and 50. I’m changing career again at 53/54. Not too late at all. The job market is completely insane anyway at the moment. Do try and look at AI so you know about that. Take any free courses you can find in anything and everything. Lots of webinars on LinkedIn find stuff that might interest you. Now’s a fine time to know nothing to be honest.

try contacting the charity Smartworks - they provide career advice, interview prep and even clothes for women looking to get back to work. https://www.smartworks.org.uk

Definitely get the help from your local authority and job centre. Most councils have a job club of some kind. Mine offers one to one support from a dedicated employment advisor; help compiling CV's, cover letters and application forms; interview preparation; access to job vacancies and training opportunities.

Perhaps you could look at advocate roles where you help parents of children with similar needs? But totally understandable if you need a clean break from it all.

I hope that beyond work, you use your new time to try out lots of different hobby groups. So much easier to make friends when you meet like-minded people. Women's walking football? Netball? Arts? Choir? Volunteer at your local nature reserve or a charity shop? Lots of options for you.

I would get a zero hours contract agency job, any job really at first and try lots of different things. It will mean you have something on your cv and it will give you flexibility to get to know what you like, what you are good at and also I would look to see if there is anything you can do as a side hustle/wfh/own business

Please do not underestimate the advantages your life experiences and maturity give you. I bet you would be amazingly calm when the pressure is on!

I know a couple of posters have mentioned school jobs (TA or lunchtime roles), but have you thought about school admin jobs? As you said you were interested in admin.

I’m sure there will be some free short courses you could do to learn the Microsoft Office basics (if you’re not quite up to date with it). I’m sure you would easily find a post.

Here is a link for school jobs in Surrey (my stamping ground). It’s a bit thin at the moment (close to summer hols), plenty more jobs in September. Also look at your local independent school websites.

https://www.eteach.com/jobs/surrey

Good luck!

The open University do free online courses. Might help you to decide on which direction you might want to go in. Plus gives you something to talk about in interviews and shows a willingness to learn. Wishing you good vibes.

If you do whatever the equivalent of signing on is, I think you can get support with training etc? Maybe check out your local job centre website? https://www.gov.uk/moving-from-benefits-to-work/help-for-parents-and-carers

Do you like animals? Massive demand for dog walking & cat sitting in my area and if you can start offering competitive rates you could build up some business.

As a pp said, volunteering to get retail experience.

What are you like at handy stuff? No qualifications required for things like painting and decorating.

Are you willing to do a course in something? Look locally at what jobs are often advertised and then see what adult ed courses might help you access.

Unfortunately with a blank cv you may need to focus on what work there is a demand for rather than what you think you'd enjoy.

could you work for a disabled charity or something similar? I bet you have a knowledge of wealth & understanding that would really help others.

You have spent your life caring for, organising and advocating for other people. You have way more skills than you think!
But, this time is now about you and what you want and you are not “too old”. What do you want, really? If it’s an admin job, see a careers advisor, sort your cv and do that.
And see what benefits you are entitled to. Surely, you must be entitled to something?

She'll be entitled to UC as someone unemployed but expected to be job searching full time, show proof of the searches and take whatever is going.

She cant just live on benefits and I doubt would want that anyway, she needs some proper money in her pocket, a social life, to be part of a team, learning skills and having fun for the first time in a long time.

Go for it OP! Let us know what you decide.x

I employ freelance administrators and it’s really hard to find people who are reliable, happy to learn new skills and have the right work ethic. You obviously want to get some training and get the hang of various different skills depending on what you do, you could do a lot worse than use chat GPT to help you navigate careers advice, what skills you need, discuss which pathways through this might work better for you. Personally, somebody like you who has obviously had to work so hard… youd be the sort of person I’d be hoping to find. Also asc and adhd can be a really excellent mix for this sort of work, that ability to hyperfocus and also stay super organised. You might absolutely love it! I’m a little bit younger than you but not much, I think just don’t be scared of picking up new skills. Things are generally getting more user friendly as time goes on. I know lots of women who seem to be a bit technophobic, there’s no need for it :)

I've already posted upthread but wanted to add something. I think putting yourself out there socially could be key, I mean like joining local clubs and activities. Tell people your story. You're likely to hear about local unskilled work in a casual way, or someone will think of you when stuck. I mean casual stuff, like someone has no one to man the front desk during lunch hours or their can't get someone to cover the Tuesday morning shift. Once you get your foot in the door you've filled the CV in and gained confidence and can take it all from there.

I have a friend in a similar position to you. I know how hard she has had to fight for her kids and the admin she still has to do. I am totally in awe of her. These are amazing skills. Don’t sell yourself short.

She doesn’t want to do caring either ❤

Good luck to you!

I was going to say the same thing. I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how they are helping my daughter to find her feet with employment and training. She’s still on UC but she’s being helped with courses via the job centre with another department. It’s worth popping down and talking to them xx

I’d say go for temping and volunteering as well as applying for fixed term and perm jobs. Can you train yourself in Microsoft - word, excel, PowerPoint, outlook, teams, zoom using online packags?? You’ll be fine, best of luck!

Never too old!

Being a parent carer for a child with special needs is one of the hardest jobs there is. The skills and character attributes you will have gained along the way will mean any employer would be lucky to have you.

Look at the civil service. They ask about transferable skills and experience. You do not have to have done the job you are applying for, at least at lower levels.

Think carefully about what you’ve actually been doing over the last 20 years OP:
practical caring
completing paperwork
diary and appointment management
developing an understanding of additional needs and disabilities and the equipment needed to support these
developing an understanding of legislation around the benefits system
possibly researching support groups and advocating for your child
networking with charities, support workers and other parents… ?
Honestly, you'll have more skills than you think.