Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My day vs dh day

39 replies

autienotnaughty · 14/07/2025 08:08

So just to say I thought this was a lovely chill day today given we have an autistic 8 year old prone to meltdowns. During the day dh had himself commented what a lovely day we were having but when we were telling adult dd (who had been out all day) about our daydh suddenly started saying how hard his day had been (but agreed mine had been easy).
Just to mention I have chronic pain and can’t do heavy task so a lot of the lighter tasks fall to me .

MY DAY
7am Got up with ds did breakfast and played games (still needs a lot of interaction during play)
930am Got back into bed (after dh up) ds had ipad and I dozed/looked at my phone
11am got me and ds showered/dressed
12pm lunch /did pots put a wash on
1pm ds had his switch for a hour and I read my book in the garden
2pm ds and I did his homework, I supervised him doing his housework (he tidies his room and puts his clothes away) I also put some washing out and away
330pm played cards outside with ds and dh
4pm ds watched tv while I did physio stretch’s and rested on the bed

DH DAY
930am Got up took dog out
10am had breakfast/dealt with online shop
11am mowed lawn
1230pm showered/changed
130pm prepped tea
2pm sat in garden
330pm played cards with ds
4pm checked an issue with his car
430pm made tea

Was dhs day really much harder than mine??

OP posts:
Figcherry · 14/07/2025 08:18

Unless you have a very heavy push mower and an acre of lawn then your dh has had a pretty chill day imo.

DoYouReally · 14/07/2025 08:19

No good can come from this exercise.

Whenever I see a couple start comparing who is much tired or who has it tougher, it isn't long before resentment sets in and relationship goes South.

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 14/07/2025 08:20

Figcherry · 14/07/2025 08:18

Unless you have a very heavy push mower and an acre of lawn then your dh has had a pretty chill day imo.

No it’s electric mower average size garden

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 14/07/2025 08:21

I would count that day as a - neither of you did anything day.

rwalker · 14/07/2025 08:22

I don’t think anyone’s had a particularly hard day
but sometimes you just want a day going fuck all so even small tasks seem hard and labour intensive because you CBA also presume heat didn’t help yesterday

SomeOfTheTrouble · 14/07/2025 08:22

DoYouReally · 14/07/2025 08:19

No good can come from this exercise.

Whenever I see a couple start comparing who is much tired or who has it tougher, it isn't long before resentment sets in and relationship goes South.

Exactly this.
Both of you had a chilled day. The fact you’re comparing them and bickering about it means there are deeper issues at play.

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 14/07/2025 08:22

DoYouReally · 14/07/2025 08:19

No good can come from this exercise.

Whenever I see a couple start comparing who is much tired or who has it tougher, it isn't long before resentment sets in and relationship goes South.

I agree! I said to dd oh we had a lovely chill day and told her what we had done . Dh piped up how I was lucky and he had barely sat down! I just want to understand if his day really was that difficult

OP posts:
2025ismybestyear · 14/07/2025 08:23

The issue is your dh embarrassing himself by wanting to play woe is me to his adult child.

CaptainFuture · 14/07/2025 08:23

DoYouReally · 14/07/2025 08:19

No good can come from this exercise.

Whenever I see a couple start comparing who is much tired or who has it tougher, it isn't long before resentment sets in and relationship goes South.

This, why are either of you making it into a competition?
Well he's right in that his day was more physical and had more active tasks than yours, but if that's how things run as per usual in your home, that's how it is isn't it?

Tennislives · 14/07/2025 08:26

2025ismybestyear · 14/07/2025 08:23

The issue is your dh embarrassing himself by wanting to play woe is me to his adult child.

This.
Twat.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/07/2025 08:27

I think if you get to the stage that mowing your own lawn (which is the only thing other than every day musts that anyone in your house did) results in a whinge that ‘you never sat down’ then something is wrong in your life.

ScaryM0nster · 14/07/2025 08:30

Your day features several stop and rest type features.

His features one, and the rest active. Not necessarily strenuous, but active.

So compares to you, he hardly sat down. That’s not necessarily a problem or a bad thing - but it’s a valid statement.

ThymeandBasil · 14/07/2025 08:33

OP has heard her H play the "poor me, isn't life hard for me" card to his adult child.

She now knows how he probably presents his life to everyone. That he deliberately gives the impression he does everything and OP does very little.

I think OP is justified in being upset about finding her H bigs himself up and belittles her value to the relationship to other people.

I think this is quite serious and warrants a proper discussion between her and her H about his view that their marriage is not an equal partnership.

HelloGreen · 14/07/2025 08:35

ScaryM0nster · 14/07/2025 08:30

Your day features several stop and rest type features.

His features one, and the rest active. Not necessarily strenuous, but active.

So compares to you, he hardly sat down. That’s not necessarily a problem or a bad thing - but it’s a valid statement.

Agree, you had two rests in bed. No judgement as you must have needed it, but his ‘hardly sat down’ statement as
a comparison is valid.

You're both asking for trouble by getting stuck on comparisons though. There are no winners in the ‘who’s more tired’ game.

Mayve · 14/07/2025 08:35

Essentially you both had a very relaxed day. However he didn’t really sit down until 2pm whereas by then you’d one nap and were on your way to a second.
Looks like a dynamic where you “do” DS and he does most of the jobs. DS probably could have done on the dog walk with him and helped him food prep.
But you both had some nice garden time.
Don’t think he’s got anything to complain about and neither have you.

ScrewedByFunding · 14/07/2025 08:36

autienotnaughty · 14/07/2025 08:22

I agree! I said to dd oh we had a lovely chill day and told her what we had done . Dh piped up how I was lucky and he had barely sat down! I just want to understand if his day really was that difficult

Show quote history

But you're doing the same. Seeking validation from others that DH didn't work harder than you. It's silly.

TheChosenTwo · 14/07/2025 08:40

I would say objectively that he had a more physical day than you but given your physical limitations that’s probably the norm in your family.
Either way, it doesn’t sound like a particularly hard or gruelling day, I know it was warm which can make even the most simple of physical tasks feel hard, dog walk, unpacking shopping, mowing the lawn, cooking dinner etc but neither of you had especially challenging sounding days!

SomeOfTheTrouble · 14/07/2025 08:40

ScrewedByFunding · 14/07/2025 08:36

But you're doing the same. Seeking validation from others that DH didn't work harder than you. It's silly.

Show quote history

Exactly. If my DH had said something like that I’d have just rolled my eyes and moved on, not typed out everything that we both did and asked for validation online that we’d done an equal amount. Which suggests there is more going on/some deeper resentment in the marriage.

user1492757084 · 14/07/2025 08:47

You both seemed to have a nice day though your husband had less flex time that was not controlled by a mower, a chore etc. He had to make meals, shop, walk dog.
His car problem was also a task that needed attention.

How many of either of your tasks could have been forgotten about?
Did yiour DH have any reading or sleeping time?

Cynic17 · 14/07/2025 08:51

What is the point of this comparison? Most people don't even remember what they did during a normal day. It's not a competition - you both did a few chores, and you both also got to relax. Stop measuring every little thing, because it's only going to make you picky and miserable.

Ohnobackagain · 14/07/2025 08:59

@autienotnaughty I think yours was busier tbh

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 14/07/2025 09:03

user1492757084 · 14/07/2025 08:47

You both seemed to have a nice day though your husband had less flex time that was not controlled by a mower, a chore etc. He had to make meals, shop, walk dog.
His car problem was also a task that needed attention.

How many of either of your tasks could have been forgotten about?
Did yiour DH have any reading or sleeping time?

He slept in until 930, he looked at his phone while sat in the garden (he doesn’t read books)

I didn’t think the garden needed mowing he did.

I suggested we call rac about car as I suspected he wouldn’t be able to solve it (I was right I have called rac this morning)

OP posts:
Original poster
autienotnaughty · 14/07/2025 09:05

Ohnobackagain · 14/07/2025 08:59

@autienotnaughty I think yours was busier tbh

I think mine was busier but his tasks were more strenuous.

OP posts:
JMSA · 14/07/2025 09:07

DoYouReally · 14/07/2025 08:19

No good can come from this exercise.

Whenever I see a couple start comparing who is much tired or who has it tougher, it isn't long before resentment sets in and relationship goes South.

Absolutely. Ex husband and I were a bit ‘tit for tat’ when in the parenting trenches.
Note the prefix ‘ex’ 😂

Amiunemployable · 14/07/2025 09:15

So based on your list I have you doing:

Made Breakfast (for everyone or just DS? Cereal or fry up?)
Did Lunch and Washed up? (Again are we talking sandwiches or cooked food?)
Put some washing on
Put some washing away.

Your DH did:

Walked the dog
Did an online food shop (or maybe unpacked it all when it arrived? Not clear)
Mowed the grass
Got dinner prepared
Made dinner
Checked a problem with car

I'd say definitely your DH did more than you. But neither of you had a strenuous day. Pretty chilled.