Selfish lover, AIBU?

[Handbagsfromhell]

NC as its embarrassing. I'm a very long-term poster.

I drove hours to spend the weekend with a new love interest (it's long distance but I've known of him 20+ years) and I've just had the most unsatisfying sex I've probably ever had.

After years of celibacy and suspecting I might be Asexual, I finally connected with somebody I had those feelings for and was so excited to rediscover that part of a relationship.

I bought some gorgeous underwear, no expenses spared, and it started well (once he could drag himself away from his phone, who the hell deals with work admin then inane chat with friends on a Sunday when you're supposed to be on a saucy weekend?!)

He finished after 10 minutes or so but I hadn't. I asked him to 'help' me (sorry, I'm already cringing I don't want to be graphic) and he does for a few minutes then stops because he couldn't be arsed. I'm still not there.

Right OK, I thought, I'll do it myself then and tell him such.

He then pisses about trying to make me lose my stride, so to speak. Grabs my legs and pulls me down the bed, arsing about and taking the piss.

This is after I mentioned needing to keep the 'aid' in a certain position to get there.

Then says he's going for a cigarette. Killed it stone dead.

I'm actually annoyed.

He comes back in and says "Don't worry, that was only round 1"

I said "nah, you're alright. The moment has passed"

AIBU to feel so annoyed about this? Am I over reacting? How would you feel?

You are sooo not over reacting. I’d throw him back. He doesn’t care whether you have a good time too. And my guess is that if you try to raise it, he’ll blame you.

He sounds a selfish prick, but at least he’s revealed himself early. I’d call it off because if this is what it’s like now then it won’t improve!

Well it doesn't sound like he was out to impress and let's be honest, if the effort isn't there early doors, he's unlikely to improve over time! Sad to say, he doesn't sound like he's going to be setting your sheets on fire any time soon. Maybe time to continue the hunt for someone who will!?

Thank you for validating how I feel. This one is definitely getting thrown back into the pond. I'm reminded of why I stopped bothering 😂

Honestly, OP, I’d actually feel quite angry at him, and I know some people might think that’s OTT but I feel angry on your behalf. It’s as if he has just used you for his own gratification and not given a thought or care for you and your enjoyment, especially when you’ve made the effort for him.

If that was me I’d be absolutely furious because of the cheek of it, tossing you aside when he’s done. It would be different if he wasn’t much good but was willing to try and learn! I think you’ve under reacted if anything.

Insensitive selfish and lazy. Throw him back

Ugh.
Selfish prick. Had what he wanted so then couldn’t be arsed.

And this is a new love interest? Nope, move on!

Absolute malign prick. I would be out of there. He's not just selfish, he was determinedly sabotaging your attempts to get some satisfaction. Vom.

You have articulated my feelings exactly, what you said - with bells on.

When he left the room I was seething. Not only could he not care less about my l enjoyment, he then purposefully makes sure I don't have any by other means.

We're now watching Bahamian Rhapsody in silence, bar the couple of occasions he's asked "are you OK?"

Can you believe he wants a serious relationship 😂 Like fuck I'm subjecting myself to this long term. See ya later John.

His true colours are showing already. Count yourself lucky he was so keen to show you them.

If this is how he is when he should be impressing you , imagine his behaviour a few months down the line 😮
You’ve definitely dodged a bullet here …

NEXT!!! 👍

The last one (5 years ago) was even worse.

Absolutely no foreplay or stimulation for me at all, yet expected me to provide him with tons of it. He turned out to be a porn addict and gave me the ick on such an epic scale I genuinely felt like I never wanted to sleep with anybody ever again.

Then this is my reintroduction to sex 😂

I've got to laugh. Absolutely useless sods.

He’s clearly trying to put you off satisfying yourself because he’s an insecure twat who feels as though his sub par performance should have been enough to have you screaming from the rooftops and he’s annoyed that it didn’t. He feels emasculated.

That’s a red flag right there because any man who had a thought for you rather than their own insecurities would have been asking how he could improve. Don’t sit in silence, tell him why you’re so annoyed if you feel safe enough. I’m not sure I could hold back. If you don’t feel comfortable to tell him now, definitely tell him when you get home!

I'll definitely be telling him straight when I get home. As tempting as it is to say something now I'm reluctant as he's drinking wine (started afterwards so can't pin his selfishness on being drunk) and I don't much fancy an even more tense atmosphere 😬

It sounds like he’s on a different page from you entirely. He thinks it’s a quick shag and as you were, not the beginning of an erotic adventure.

It certainly seems that way.

It's at complete odds to what he talked himself up as. I actually recall him saying how "it should all be about the woman's pleasure"

Awkward!

Different page? He hasn’t even opened the book. Instead he’s bunged some porn on and had a wank. Unfortunately you were in the same room and proved a minor distraction.

Apologies if asked and answered but why on Earth are you still there?? He's a selfish prick and you'd be doing women a favour if you bit his useless willy off 😂

I don't like driving on the motorway at night 😩

As soon as the morning comes I'm out of here pronto, never to return again.

Night's the best time for motorway driving, no other fuckers are on it then! Bit late now really, but still. What an utter CF he is.

@Handbagsfromhell OMG that’s awful. I’d be cringing and annoyed too. Yuck yuck yuck yuck. He must be spectacularly unobservant and selfish as well if he didn’t want you to get off. And as for Round 2 I don’t think so, especially as you didn’t get to finish Round 1. Vile 🤢

Unexpected turn of events, he's left the hotel and gone home.

He was snoring loudly so I asked him to please turn over as I couldn't sleep.

Eventually I put on some white noise to drown it out a bit and because that disturbed him he got up, got his stuff together and left.

I said you're not going to come back in the middle of the night and wake me up are you and he said "no, not at all'

As he was leaving he said "you've barely spoken to me all night"

I have the room (and breakfast) to myself now until I leave tomorrow, if only the drunks shouting outside the hotel would move along that would be great 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yet again it’s all about him! He didn’t mind disturbing you but your white noise disturbed him and it’s not acceptable 😂 you’ll be well rid! Is this the first time you’ve met up since you decided to get together?

Yup, all about him! It's the second time.

Bloody hell. Fancy using a sentient person as a wank sock.

What an infuriating shame.

I’m hesitating to say ‘next time’, but maybe engineer a period of messing about first- good old fashioned base system- so you know they have the skills before they get their end away.