Ignored by friend for trying to be considerate

[Scarlypopsmummy]

I booked a lunch to celebrate my birthday and invited a few friends. One friend had been very physically ill the week leading up to it and was still on morphine for pain. The night before the meal, her grandma died after a long illness.
I wanted to give her an 'out' as a lunch out celebrating someone's birthday might be the last thing she wanted to do. It was going to be difficult enough physically for her.
She is a people pleaser and will go along with things then moan about them later. When she messaged to say she was still coming, I said she's been through a lot and maybe its not a good idea. I would come and see her instead. I thought this would make it easier to drop out if she wanted.
She messaged ok and hasn't replied, even though she's clearly been on WhatsApp since. Was IBU to send her an out message?

That's awful OP, totally telling her not to come even if that's not what you meant.

It does sound like you were uninviting her.

You should have worded it differently.

Yes I very much struggle with this as well OP so can empathise

There are certain situations which require actually calling the person and speaking with them, instead of messaging. I feel many of these threads can be avoided if people just did that.

I think it’s fine to say to someone to not worry about coming if they don’t feel up to it but it sounds like perhaps she felt she wasn’t welcome.

It would depend on how you worded it etc and what your messages after that were.

If you had said please don’t force yourself to come if you’re not feeling up to it, then that would be fine. But it sounds like you told her that’s its best not to come and that sounds like you are telling her she’s not invited anymore.

I don’t think you did anything wrong but she’s misunderstood it and as she was already feeling vulnerable, feels left out and like you weren’t there for her.

If you want to salvage the friendship then I’d send her another text saying that you hope she’s ok etc and you’re not sure why she’s not replying but you hope it’s not because you told her she didn’t have to come etc.