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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not Invited On Holiday

42 replies

Littleme84 · 13/07/2025 02:20

Hey everyone,
(Try to make a long story short). I'm 40 (Two children...19/10). My Dad is divorced from my Mum and has remarried (theyve been together over 20 years now), his wife has two grown up children (they both have children too). My Dad let slip in conversation the other week that they were all going on a family holiday together for a week. Absolutely no invite for me or my children (my Dad said that it was likely my youngest would be in school when they went). I can't help but feel really deflated at being left out (but I'm second guessing whether I'm wrong for feeling hurt).

OP posts:
PoopingAllTheWay · 13/07/2025 02:35

Why should they invite you and your children?
Do you invite them on every single holiday you go on?

Openmouthinsertfood · 13/07/2025 02:36

That's a bit harsh Pooping. I presume the op felt she was part of the family so why exclude her? Op, I would be hurt too.

Helpmeplease2025 · 13/07/2025 02:39

Are you close to your step siblings? If not, is it more likely you’d have a separate holiday with your DF, rather than with your SM’s DC?

Whosenameisthis · 13/07/2025 02:40

Sounds like it’s stepmum and her family, plus your dad.

would you want to go away with her family? Do you know her adult children and their families well enough?

would you take your child out of school for it?

Original poster
Littleme84 · 13/07/2025 02:59

We've all grown up together. We all get on. I'm more upset for my youngest, he's super close to his grandparents and his cousins and he's not been included.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleme84 · 13/07/2025 03:02

Thank you for replying xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleme84 · 13/07/2025 03:03

PoopingAllTheWay · 13/07/2025 02:35

Why should they invite you and your children?
Do you invite them on every single holiday you go on?

The point is...they've planned a family holiday including children/grandchildren and excluded us (not even given me the option of going). My parents go away all the time, as do my siblings and us. It doesn't bother me that everyone has a holiday or that we don't go, it's that it's been organised and an excuse has been made (after it's been booked) as to why we weren't invited (school holidays).

OP posts:
Easipeelerie · 13/07/2025 03:16

Sounds like step mum just fancied a holiday with her blood relatives and her husband. Only you know if this is a real snub or not.

PollyBell · 13/07/2025 03:27

I would not feel like I need to be invited in these circumstances i dont see why people have to take everyone on holidays especially if i was an adult

AbzMoz · 13/07/2025 04:48

Do you want to go on the holiday? Could you (timings, annual leave days, costs etc)?

Is this an expensive holiday? Is there a capacity issue, like a villa for 10? Is it ‘just’ a holiday or a special occasion?

Whilst I get it is upsetting to feel excluded, I also think this is just ‘this’ holiday… there’ll be more in the future and maybe it’s chance to say we’d like help plan next time, or shall we agree to do a whole family trip each 2y, for example.

beachcitygirl · 13/07/2025 04:56

I’m so so sorry they have treated you and your family like this.

Inlawsfromhell456 · 13/07/2025 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FourLove · 13/07/2025 09:58

It would be a very big group. If you all came too. Why not suggest a holiday with your dad and his wife plus your side of the family.

Frostiesflakes · 13/07/2025 10:15

I’m going on holiday with my husband my son and his partner are coming for 1 week
Ive paid for my son & partner to join us

it wouldn’t enter my head to invite my husbands 2 grown up kids partners and their kids

it would totally change the holiday dynamics due to small kids
plus they would want to go in summer holidays and we are going after the summer holidays

CherryYellowCouch · 13/07/2025 10:19

Perhaps one of your step siblings organised it rather than your Dad or step Mum?

Does everyone always have to go away together? We’ve certainly taken my own parents away without inviting my sister and her family.

Why not offer to plan a holiday with everyone next year?

Whatdoidotoday · 13/07/2025 10:22

@CherryYellowCouchits 2/3 siblings that are going away with their kids. And op
has grown up with them. It’s awful really. Big fat clear line drawn between the families. So sad for your kids op, I hope you take this into account with your relationship with them going forward

Moveoverdarlin · 13/07/2025 10:24

But how many kids does your Dad have? If they invite all their children between them and then all the grandchildren it goes from a holiday to a big old event. Your children at 19 and 10 probably want different things from a holiday. Are your Step-Mums grandchildren a similar age to your kids? If they’re younger, say under 7, it’s a lot of different age groups and people to cater for and entertain.

In my experience the parents tend to pay for the whole holiday - they probably couldn’t stretch to taking everyone away.

Robertsmithsnan · 13/07/2025 10:26

Easipeelerie · 13/07/2025 03:16

Sounds like step mum just fancied a holiday with her blood relatives and her husband. Only you know if this is a real snub or not.

That’s what came to my mind also.

yeesh · 13/07/2025 10:28

It is hurtful. You’ve had some horrible replies but being left out is never nice however old you are.

ShamrockShenanigans · 13/07/2025 10:45

I don't blame you for feeling hurt OP.

Would you have taken your child out of school?

I do think that's an important factor here.

unsurewhattodoaboutit · 13/07/2025 10:47

Maybe they have something nice planned for you and your children later. Over a certain amount of people holidays get ridiculous to plan. Why don’t you suggest and plan the next one.

Hothothothothothotlovingit · 13/07/2025 10:48

The torture of extended family holidays has thankfully ended for us. I understand it’s about the children though. They always loved them!

I would feel hurt but not dwell on it. In hindsight I can’t believe I did them for so many years!

B1anche · 13/07/2025 10:51

This is exactly the kind of thing my dad and stepmother did and it really hurt.

Didimum · 13/07/2025 10:51

How old are all their children and grandchildren? If it’s a term time holiday and you have school aged kids then it’s a no brainer that you couldn’t go.

ChiliFiend · 13/07/2025 10:51

Even if "they don't have to invite you on every single family holiday" (debatable), they have handled this terribly, and in a way that's guaranteed to make you feel excluded. They should have told you their plans before they booked it and been clear about the reason ("we've found a villa that only houses x number," "wife arranged a holiday with her kids and I'm going along," "it's much cheaper to fly while x is still at school") and then said "could we make up for it by doing something special with you separately"? Those reasons are still hurtful but if you're going to do something likely to hurt someone's feelings, you should try to handle those feelings gently, rather than as an afterthought. Not nice at all.