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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not Invited On Holiday

42 replies

Littleme84 · 13/07/2025 02:20

Hey everyone,
(Try to make a long story short). I'm 40 (Two children...19/10). My Dad is divorced from my Mum and has remarried (theyve been together over 20 years now), his wife has two grown up children (they both have children too). My Dad let slip in conversation the other week that they were all going on a family holiday together for a week. Absolutely no invite for me or my children (my Dad said that it was likely my youngest would be in school when they went). I can't help but feel really deflated at being left out (but I'm second guessing whether I'm wrong for feeling hurt).

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 13/07/2025 11:22

As a child of a first marriage, I get your response (which is totally valid and normal) but it still doesn’t make it a reasonable response. It hurts but it doesn’t sound like they’re trying to exclude you. It just feels that way because maybe you’re a little more attuned to not being a full member of that family (even if you grow up close, it isn’t quite the same and you can almost feel it no matter how welcoming they are).

By going on holiday together, they are underscoring that they are a functional family unit without you which can then challenge how you feel about where you fit in. I know it’s uncomfortable but they have every right to go away together and so you just need to breathe through it and not show it to your kids. You can have your own time with your dad and stepmum later.

Ellmau · 13/07/2025 11:25

I think the way to deal with this is to swallow your understandable disappointment, and say, Oh that sounds lovely. Can we organise a holiday with you next year?

TheCurious0range · 13/07/2025 11:30

I went on holiday last year with DS,DH my parents and his. We didn't invite my brother and his children. I'm allowed to have a separate relationship with my parents, it doesn't have to be one in all in. My parents have also been away with my brother his partner and children before without us. No one thinks anything of it. Oh and we're full siblings, both parents the same.
It might not have been with the intention to deliberately leave you out or upset you.

columnatedruinsdomino · 13/07/2025 11:32

Perhaps the two grown up children and their children go on holiday together a lot. This year they invited their mum and step dad. It wouldn't upset me. My own siblings take my parents on holiday all together and it's never occurred to me to feel left out. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks I suppose.

ThriveIn2025 · 13/07/2025 11:33

Agree it’s hurtful but maybe you could suggest a separate holiday with them at a different time so you don’t feel like your children are missing out.

Obviously if they decline you know the issue.

harriethoyle · 13/07/2025 11:34

You need to realise that, as adults, you’re no longer a homogenous job lot of children and there will be individual relationships at play. If you want to holiday with your dad and stepmum, suggest and organise it. But don’t bitch about other people doing so if you haven’t tried to do that yourself.

Frostiesflakes · 13/07/2025 11:40

I'm going on holiday later this year
i invited and paid for my son & his partner to join us for one week
it’s an AI abroad

it didn’t enter my head to invite my husbands adult kids and grandkids
they would need to go in the holidays and we are going outside of the school holidays

it would also change the holiday from an adult holiday to a child based holiday and I’m not paying for something I wouldn’t enjoy .

InWalksBarberalla · 13/07/2025 11:45

TheCurious0range · 13/07/2025 11:30

I went on holiday last year with DS,DH my parents and his. We didn't invite my brother and his children. I'm allowed to have a separate relationship with my parents, it doesn't have to be one in all in. My parents have also been away with my brother his partner and children before without us. No one thinks anything of it. Oh and we're full siblings, both parents the same.
It might not have been with the intention to deliberately leave you out or upset you.

I think where its different though if is there are 3 siblings and two siblings are on the holiday and one isn't invited.

TheCurious0range · 13/07/2025 11:49

InWalksBarberalla · 13/07/2025 11:45

I think where its different though if is there are 3 siblings and two siblings are on the holiday and one isn't invited.

Show quote history

If I had more siblings I'd be even less likely to invite them all, it'd become a logistical nightmare 😂
It was one of the reasons we didn't invite DB and family last year, 4 more people would've completely changed the accommodation we could have and would've likely split the group between two houses and the relaxed evenings once DS was in bed were some of the best bits

Diarygirlqueen · 13/07/2025 11:57

I think some of these responses are harsh. I would be very hurt OP. From personal experience, the second family always seems to get treated more favourably, especially if its the father.
Plan a fantastic trip with your own family, hope you feel better soon x

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 13/07/2025 12:02

For your father's wife it is a family holiday to her, her (at least) four kids of various ages and her husband.
It sucks that your father didn't invite you and your kids, but going during school holidays would make it £1000s more expensive and very unenjoyable in crowded planes and hotels.

No money on earth could get me to go on a multi generational step family trip, though.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 13/07/2025 12:17

Ask your dad straight out why you weren't invited. It's a shit thing to do and he should be ashamed of himself.

JDM625 · 13/07/2025 12:20

Who is paying? Your dad/step mum for everyone or each family paying their own?

Do you ALL, always go on holidays together?

I can understand the feeling of rejection/disparity if you dad is paying for everyone. For my wedding, DH's mum send us a cheque but said not to cash it- because she couldn't afford it. 2 weeks later, MIL and her husband took SIL, her husband and 3 children to disneyland! The in-laws paid for all 7 of them!

Original poster
Littleme84 · 13/07/2025 22:03

I'll try and answer a few questions...

My Dad has one child (me). His wife has two (who i consider my brother and sister). They have children (3 between them, similar age to my youngest.

Money isn't an issue, I'm aware they've probably paid for my siblings but I'd have paid for us. They stayed in an all inclusive hotel, not private accommodation.

I've asked repeatedly over the years for a family holiday (I used to take my Grandma away when she was alive as she struggled on her own, and my Dad's wife wouldn't let him stay out overnight).

The holiday they ended up going on, my Son was off school as his term time is different (he gets an extra week in May/June).

I'm more upset for my youngest, as he's the only grandchildren (of a similar age) that wasn't invited.

I dislike that it's been planned, booked and I found out a few days before they went and got a feeble excuse that we weren't invited because of the school terms (which they didn't even check).

OP posts:
LurkyMcLurkinson · 13/07/2025 22:17

This is very cruel. I think you should tell your father that it felt like an exclusion of you and your son and you worry about your son feeling less important than his cousins in the future and the emotional impact of that on him.

Diarygirlqueen · 13/07/2025 23:11

It's shit, i would be backing off and see if he comes back to you. That will show alot how he feels about you and your kids.
It's always nearly true, the first family always suffers.

FloofyBird · 13/07/2025 23:25

I've had similar. It's shitty. Sorry op

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