Aibu to be disappointed about DS’s SATs results?

[satssss]

I know I am. He got all 109s.

I’m disappointed because he had been in “greater depth” throughout all of KS2.

I am Asian and grew up with a very competitive, pushy parents and was determined that I would not be that way with my children. I never felt clever and always felt like I wasn’t good enough.

With my children, I decided that homework (with approval from the school, which felt the same) is optional in primary school (it won’t be in secondary) and that I will not push or shame.

Anyway, all of DS’s educational life so far, teachers have told me that he’s really bright. I loved hearing that. It’s like he could be the bright, able child that I wasn’t - without me cajoling and pushing and him resenting me.

My brother was the golden child. Went to Oxbridge. After Oxbridge, went back to university and became a doctor. His daughter is the same age as DS and got excellent SATs - 120 in one and above 110s in the others.

I didn’t think I cared but I am so disappointed. (I have not let DS know!)

I KNOW I’m unreasonable. I don’t know how to change my mindset. Help!!

You’re not unreasonable. It’s okay to be disappointed but just don’t let him know. Make sure the homework is done in secondary and I’m sure it’ll be fine. They’re good scores.

Yes, YABU to be disappointed with brilliant scores but you know that. The SAT results don’t mean much at all. They’re very subjective at this age. Girls also generally out perform boys at this level so you shouldn’t compare the two children at this point.
your son has performed brilliantly. The score to achieve the standard is 80 so 109 is great. It’s only a mark off greater depth anyway!

Teacher of 35 years experience here.

Please hear me out everyone....
SATS are meaningless.
POINTLESS.
Crap.
A waste of everybody's time.
An indicator of absolutely nothing.

If your kid enjoys school and works to his best ability give him and yourself a massive pat on the back.
There's no more to it at this age.

YABU and comparing to your brother's child.
Appreciate your child for what he has achieved and reflect on your own childhood experiences.
I'm sure your son will be fine and reach his full potential

Yes, yes and yes --- SATs are pointless rubbish. They do NOT exist for the benefit of the child. They are government box ticking.

Put it behind you and go give that boy a hug and have some fun with him.

No it isn’t 80. You need 100 for expected standard. 80 is the minimum of the scaled scoring.

109 is a decent score though, in what are fairly meaningless exams.

Are you disappointed in him or yourself for your reaction? Both are normal feelings so try not to give yourself a hard time and take some time to think about it.

I grew up in a family with a similar dynamic. Lots of comparison. It was notbgood.
Try not to compare your DS to his cousin or anyone else. Learning isn't linear. My DD did incredibly well at SATs, DS was average. They both got the same brilliant A level results. We rewarded effort not results. Its the bit they can actually control. Teach your DS to compare himself to himself and build up his ability to have perspective and bounce back. He has a lot of education left and that will help him more in the long run.

109 is a great solid score on which to build during the next 5 years.

Think about the DC who tried really hard but still couldn't reach the magic 100.

109 means your son has met the standard. That is to be celebrated. PPs are correct to say that SATs are meaningless but if they meant something to you then you really should have been encouraging some kind of self study at home. SATs and any other type of assessment are about practice.

YABU.

SATS are just some statistics. Nothing to do with intelligence. It's an outdated method of tracking progress.

My DS1 got 100% in his SATS. He's now Y9 - bright but quite lazy! But because he did so well in SATS he now has very high targets.

What's important is a child being happy.

Both mine were academically as thick as mince at that age, but it honestly didn't bother me. They were articulate, great readers, intuitive and funny. There's so much more to life than academic success. You are blessed if your child is happy and healthy. Stop comparing yourself with your brother.

Well, I can see where you are coming from; it is a shame in that he was so close....110 is GD. That said, I think SAT's are a load of nonsense and with the scores he got he will likely fly at secondary. If he got scores of 110 would you have been happier? In reality there isn't really a difference between 109 and 110.....

Make sure he feels you are proud!

Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve read so many things after getting results this week that I’ve confused myself. I’ll edit if I can so I’m not misleading anyone. Thanks

My ds1 is in year 5, I’d be delighted if he got 109s next year! Yabu

Thank you everyone - you’re right!

I told him he did really well, he was happy with the results as he got almost the same as one friend.

I really need to stop comparing myself to my brother. I didn’t think I did anymore (after a childhood of it), nor did I think I cared about how my children vs his children do - but obviously it’s all still there and I need to figure it out!!

Yes you are bu. I actually don’t know what my kids got and don’t care (one got a high first in their degree but I can’t remember what they did for SATS).

These are Yr 6 SATS? So much can happen between now and [enter significant year]. They retest them all in Year 7 anyway.

i know kids who were highest in whole school for GCSEs and have since had numerous mental breakdowns and dropped out / got significantly below expectations in A levels and/or degrees.

Focus on making sure they’re happy, healthy, well adjusted and the stretch is there when they need it. Build a good bond with them to see through the teen years.

oxbridge isn’t the be all and end all and doesn’t suit everyone anyway

You sound like a lovely mum. It's not all about scores, it's about so much more! You know that though.....

Great to hear he's happy with his results. He'll find senior school so much more interesting and there will be so many more opportunities for critical thinking and following interests (as opposed to box ticking!).

Hello! Just want to jump on and tell you not to be disappointed- but you know that - and also to tell you greater depth doesn’t exist for anything other than writing. Over 110 is classed as a ‘higher score’ but still at the expected standard. Perhaps that helps?!

Just to say, I get where you're coming from - DD did SATs last year, and while her maths was very good (over 110), it was lower than she might have got on a 'good' day, and lower than her results at secondary sit. She was a little disappointed with it, but I pointed out it was still a very good score. Some secondaries where we are set on SATS results (though not hers), so some of her friends were more worried about their results, but even your maths set in Y7 doesn't determine your GCSE grade, let alone life beyond that.

Kindly....your son is clearly bright boy and YABU to place any importance on SATS. It's a fairly meaningless predictor of future success. Even if a child is very bright, they also need hard work, focus, direction, ambition and social skills to make a success of themselves. And those attributes can make someone successful without high intelligence.

I did brilliantly in my SATS but got very average A-levels and I'm in a low paid job. I love my job tho so I consider myself to be successful.

Some of my friends/siblings did nowhere near as well but are in extremely highly paid roles and would also consider themselves successful.

100% this.
SATS are not an indicator of whether a child will go to uni. They show how well a school is teaching according to some stupid government tick box exercise. It is unfair for the kids as the school put so much onto them and then when they don't get 'good' results, the kids feel like they have failed

Just read your last post and it's good you recognise what's happening and are working on it

Anyway, all of DS’s educational life so far, teachers have told me that he’s really bright. I loved hearing that.

He IS really bright. 109 is a great score. It’s the absolute top end of standard.

Don’t worry about it. I ditched maths because my maths teacher was an utter bully. Think Miss Trunchbowl, and I’m not kidding. I was told I would not get a job without a maths qualification. Well I ran a successful business for a lot of years and managed to do my own accounts. It’s not important. What is important I think is encouraging him in what interests him.

SATs are nonsense. So are flight paths. According to their SATs, my DC should have had a crop of 5s and 6s at GCSE. That didn't happen - DC1's lowest was a B, DC2's lowest was a 6. They worked hard, they were interested in learning. They're both graduates now, DC1 has a Masters.

to perhaps provide additional perspective op. I think its quite unusual for a family to be sharing information on (utterly meaningless) sats scores with each other about cousins. It wouldn’t occur to me to ask a friend or family, and if someone asked me i’d just say ‘great’! I think you are beating yourself up but also unable to see the competitive hothouse you were brought up in and are still in.