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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Street WhatsApp CF

44 replies

Grabbystreetbint · 12/07/2025 15:38

We have a street WhatsApp group where people on the street often offer up things they no longer need for free. It’s anything from leftover milk to jigsaws and furniture and it usually works well.

Except there’s one woman from the biggest house on the street (so not exactly struggling) who is always first in line for absolutely everything.

A big, expensive kids toy was offered recently. Someone else had already said they’d love it but she piped up saying how much her kids would adore it and the original person backed down. She’s never offered anything herself.

I suppose people are trying to declutter and avoid trips to the charity shop so it's not a huge deal, but the sheer grabbiness is getting to me. We’ve not posted anything in a while but if we do I’m really tempted to say "Not for you, Grabby" if she jumps on it. I’m also itching to intervene when it’s someone else’s item she pounces on.

YABU – It’s first come first served, keep out of it and let her get on with it

YANBU – She’s a CF and someone needs to say
something

OP posts:
U53rn8m3ch8ng3 · 12/07/2025 15:40

I wouldn't say anything but it would piss me off. There's a person on our local FB page like this and always with a sib story and she asks for everything. I don't know what she must do with it all. I've booked her from seeing my posts as I was so fed up 🤣🤣

tartyflette · 12/07/2025 15:41

I'd steer well clear but it would be so tempting to say something...

TheSmallAssassin · 12/07/2025 15:52

If you need to give something away, just say that if it's popular you will choose who gets it randomly to make things fairer - then pick whoever you want Grin

WildFlowerBees · 12/07/2025 15:54

I’d have have to make a comment like, ‘You must have lots of extra storage space for all the freebies you bag Anastasia is your house like Narnia?’

HollyhockDays · 12/07/2025 15:56

More fool the person who backed down.

DoYouReally · 12/07/2025 15:58

What's wrong with "in the interest of fairness, I'll give it to Carol the this time. As you got the toys last time, I'm sure you won't mind me spreading it around" or something like that.

Pancakeflipper · 12/07/2025 15:58

We have a FB page for our little area to sell stuff or give away. All posts have to be verified by the Admin team and then they 'let' the post appear on FB.

It's always one of the bloody admin team saying "ooh yes please" straight away. Most of us stopped using it, which is a shame.

Nourishinghandcream · 12/07/2025 16:04

Whenever I put something on our local FB group, I ask for PM's rather than people adding replies to the message. Means that I can select who gets the item as no-one else knows how many messages I have received.
Started doing this when the same couple of people were always first to grab the item, bugged me that they never used the word "please" either.

TaylorNotSoSwift · 12/07/2025 16:06

Can you adjust the setting so she can’t see your post?

WhatTheHelll · 12/07/2025 16:07

Nobody is obligated to give it to her. You can all choose who you like to give your things to.

Grabbystreetbint · 12/07/2025 16:10

Some good ideas for anything I want to give away here thank you! And yes everyone is allowed to give their stuff to whoever they want but I can still quietly seethe about it.

DH just said we should start putting really bizarre things on there and see if she's still the first to grab it.

OP posts:
EternalLodga · 12/07/2025 16:13

The unfair thing about this, you see it a on FB groups, is it benefits people who are already wealthy and time rich as the people struggling are generally working when the posts get made

EternalLodga · 12/07/2025 16:15

I would shame her by saying something like "i think in the interests of fairness it would be good if we started spreading stuff around Susan ☺️"

PractisingMyTelekenipsis · 12/07/2025 16:17

There's a woman like this on my street WhatsApp too. Doesn't matter what it is she wants it. Other than books. Then she wants it delivered, or just doesn't come and collect for weeks. Or she wants it for her sister who lives the other side of town. Oh but they don't drive so you have to deliver. If the giver says no she replies with stuff like "I'm doing you a favour"
On the rare occasion someone replies quicker than her you get a sob story about why she needs it more. I recently managed to get a couple of bookcases that a neighbour didn't need. When she replied about how much she needed them (so did I) someone suggested we took one each. I said nope.

Really annoys me tbh.

Pancakeflipper · 12/07/2025 16:21

I like the PM/DM suggestion. I'm so doing that

whydidInotthinkofthat

arcticpandas · 12/07/2025 16:22

It would annoy me as well. It's about manners; like you don't quickly eat 5 biscuits if you are 3 people sharing 10.

Next time you put something up you can say to CF (if she's interested) that you've noticed that she has gotten a lot of stuff lately so it would be Nice to let someone else have a go. Gently like yoy would explain to your toddler "we take turns, there are other people to think about as well".

Where we used to live we had a woman like this as well. Finally she was outed because the donor (who was suspicious) saw her children's newish book collection she offered on eBay the same evening. Maybe this is what CF is doing as well...

cosimarama · 12/07/2025 16:26

more fool the person who claimed it first but then backed down, as pp said. Dont think her house size is that relevant. If people from the smallest house are being greedy and cheeky you’d feel the same and you never know people’s situations really. But if she’s grabby, and you want to give stuff away (but not to her) without the message about giving it to others for fairness, could you just say sorry, it has already been claimed by dm. She doesn’t have to know who it is that has claimed it before her or what other groups you’ve offered it in

WaltzingWaters · 12/07/2025 16:26

Yeah it sucks. But the person who originally wanted the toy shouldn’t have backed down/the owner should have said that first person had first dibs. I’d be very wary going for more than my “fair share” and if I’d had a few items would say “I’ve had a few things so if anyone else needs it then please give to them, but if no other takers I’d take it”. But I’d wait a day or two before saying that. Better than it going to waste but I wouldn’t want to grab everything!

StinkerTroll · 12/07/2025 16:27

We have a fb group for this, with admin, everything has to sit on there for an hour at least, it's not first come first serve its up the the giver to pick, you aren't allowed to give a reason for your request. So, if a friend asks you can give it to them. Seems to work well

nomas · 12/07/2025 16:28

Create another WhatsApp group without her.

Tennislives · 12/07/2025 16:29

Silly person for backing down, they should have remained silent.

EternalLodga · 12/07/2025 16:30

StinkerTroll · 12/07/2025 16:27

We have a fb group for this, with admin, everything has to sit on there for an hour at least, it's not first come first serve its up the the giver to pick, you aren't allowed to give a reason for your request. So, if a friend asks you can give it to them. Seems to work well

So if you're new to town/the group you never get a look in?

Katemax82 · 12/07/2025 16:31

Ill admit I've got a nasty habit of secretly hoping my sister will give me her nice perfume bargains she finds (for example 1 of 3 bottles she got in a chloe gift set she found for £10, labeled £300)
Only because she gave me a bottle of jeans paul gaultier classique because her friend gave it her and she didn't like it...

cgiwaly · 12/07/2025 16:33

More fool the person who backed down.

Some good ideas on here already.

Depending on what the next item you want to give away is, you could dm a few people you think might like it first before it goes on the group. So if it's a child's toy you could message a couple of people who have kids of the appropriate age to ask if they want it first.

Or do the dm if you are interested thing and then just pick someone from those who've messaged.
It doesn't have to be first come first served. You are giving it away so you can choose who gets it, just as if you wanted to give it to someone in your family and you asked a particular cousin first if they wanted it.

EternalLodga · 12/07/2025 16:33

I give a lot away on FB but I ask for a PM to be sent.
I then pick the person who makes my life easier by saying eg "hey id love your lamp! I can come by anytime at all today or tomorrow after 6".

Can't stand the people who dont start arranging collection possibilities from their first message