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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this just another argument or should we break up?

36 replies

ThatCyanLurker · 12/07/2025 13:31

We were supposed to go strawberry picking today but just before we left, he insisted I should wear a nice dress to take photos. I said all my dresses are in the wash but I look fine in my skirt and top. He insisted i should wear a dress and offered to buy me one so we went to the shops and I tried on some dresses. The one he really liked was too long for me so i said not to get it but he said it’s fine we can get it tailored. So he bought it and then we headed to the tailors. I handed them the dress and they said they could take it up and it would cost £45. I said ok then we left and once outside the shop he had a massive go at me that I was being ripped off, it’s too expensive and I’m an idiot about finances. I said I didn’t even want the dress and what planet is he living on if he doesn’t think tailors are expensive - he’s now stormed off saying he wants to break up with me and that I’m dumb about money and ungrateful and should be more willing to haggle. I hate haggling! We had this argument before and I’m not going to change, it’s just not in my nature and I prefer to shop sales and charity shops for things that fit in the first instance! AIBU and is this something we can get past once both cooled down or should I leave him? What a waste of a day…

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 12/07/2025 13:33

You should leave him. Seriously, how could anyone put up with such nonsense?

Wolfiefan · 12/07/2025 13:33

Should you break up with the man who controls what you wear? Er yes.

notatinydancer · 12/07/2025 13:34

Yes you should break up. He sounds controlling , marching you to the shop to tell you what to wear how dare he ?

NuffSaidSam · 12/07/2025 13:34

He sounds like a nutcase.

You sound a bit daft to have gone along with it from the start!

I'd have told him to get a grip when he first suggested I wear a dress...everything that happened after that is crazy.

I would definitely end the relationship.

Questioningnamechange · 12/07/2025 13:34

This is all very odd behaviour on his part. Is social media image a big thing for him if he's that concerned about what you're wearing for a picture on a casual weekend outing?

He seems extremely controlling. I'd break up with him for that, not this argument specifically.

Sally2791 · 12/07/2025 13:34

He’s mad on many levels. Who cares what they wear to go strawberry picking?
He bullied you into something you didn’t want, then kicked off. Dump asap

TokyoSushi · 12/07/2025 13:35

How very weird.

LisaD1 · 12/07/2025 13:35

Does he often control what you wear? I would not be with someone who thought they got to choose my clothes let alone the rest of the nonsense!

FilthyforFirth · 12/07/2025 13:37

'No I dont want to wear a dress' would have been the end of it for me. Why you carried the conversation on, unless you are scared of him, is beyond me. Dont humour him, he doesnt get to dictate what you wear.

End it.

nopineapplepizza · 12/07/2025 13:37

Missing the point maybe, but how is it quicker to:

  1. go to the shops
  2. try on various dresses
  3. purcahse a dress
  4. take it to a tailor
  5. wait for dress to be altered
than just washing one of the dresses you already own?

This scenario just doesn’t make sense to me 🤷‍♀️

Testing123546 · 12/07/2025 13:38

Almost seems like he was setting you up to fail on this one. I would get rid.

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 12/07/2025 13:38

Yeah this is not at all logical

Peawhack · 12/07/2025 13:39

It’s all a bit odd, why did photos of strawberry picking matter so much?

seven201 · 12/07/2025 13:39

He sounds very controlling. I’m missing the point but was it £45 because you wanted it done instantly so you could change then go strawberry picking? I would never have considered trying to buy a new dress, getting it taken up before going out it in within the same day. Taken all the fun out of strawberry picking!

time to call it quits and find someone nice!

Eyesopenwideawake · 12/07/2025 13:39

What a load of balderdash.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 12/07/2025 13:39

Who the fuck dresses up for strawberry picking? Shorts and a T-shirt in weather like this is all that’s needed.
OP he is a loon.

PhoenixReincarnated · 12/07/2025 13:39

Controlling what you wear is just the start. Dump him.

BIWI · 12/07/2025 13:40

saltandvinegarchipsticks · 12/07/2025 13:38

Yeah this is not at all logical

… because it’s a waste of words and internet energy.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 12/07/2025 13:41

I put YABU for tolerating him dictating what you wear. That's your issue. The rest is just noise.

Evaka · 12/07/2025 13:42

Sorry wot?

Gffbjjgfddbjkkm · 12/07/2025 13:43

A new dress for picking strawberries 😂
What an utter bellend and more fool you for even thinking that was a reasonable idea

ThatCyanLurker · 12/07/2025 13:43

Thank you for the replies - and the tough truths. To answer some questions we literally live above a shopping centre so it was quicker than waiting a few hours (our washing machine is terrible) for a clean dress. As for why he wanted photos - I recently lost quite a lot of weight and mentioned that I now feel ok taking photos again. I’ve been through a phase of hating pictures of myself. I suppose he was really trying to do a nice thing and got frustrated. He doesn’t usually care what I wear or the fact that I was overweight before.i just think if he was willing to spend on a dress he could have just sucked it up for a tailor as well-I don’t know

OP posts:
Throwmoneyatit · 12/07/2025 13:46

I don't understand why all this is necessary to go strawberry picking?
Is everything you do with him always so over the top? What's wrong with natural photos?

I couldn't be arsed with all this. Going to have a dress tailored to fit to go strawberry picking? For photos??

He's controlling what you're wearing! That's the top, bottom and side to side of it. I'd hazard a guess that he already controls a lot of what you do. Whether you already realise this or not, I'm unsure.

Genuinely op, I'd be making sure this was the last time he dictated to me what to do. I'd be ending the arguments once and for all by ensuring he doesn't have me to argue with ever again.
Find someone better. And if you don't, make your own rules for yourself and enjoy YOUR life. Then make a conscious decision never to let anybody do this to you again.

OohhhhhBigStretch · 12/07/2025 13:47

What a complete non issue! Surely it’s quicker to was and dry and existing dress, than buy and have one altered. Unless I’m missing something, your dress won’t be ready today? Or the next few days!

Anyway, aside from that, what is his deal with wanting you to wear a dress for a photo? Seems ridiculous when you’ve already said you’d be happy in a skirt and top

ThatCyanLurker · 12/07/2025 13:52

Thanks you for pointing out that this is ridiculous- it is! He lost his job a few months ago and has just in the last week got a new one so I think there’s also a financial element to this though it was his choice to spend! Reflecting on this, I think he wanted to do something nice then panicked at the cost and then started an argument - I’ve been putting up for a while due to the pressure of the job hunt but I’m really not going to take this nonsense going forwards!

OP posts:
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