To say I deserve this holiday ?

[Past780]

Going away with friends. We go every year. This year we have significantly upgraded the accommodation. Where we would usually be in a 2/3 star aparthotel, this year we have a 4* all singing/dancing hotel. We have also booked decent flights and not the antisocial time flights which we cheaper. I have struggled to afford the holiday but it was just about doable.
I have DH & teen DC at home. We have a family holiday booked.
Me and Dh work full time, I do EVERYTHING at home, every single bit of planning/organising/suggesting/thinking possible plus a lot of driving dc and ALL the cleaning/tidying/sorting. When needed, I've taken on extra work for cash and worked a total of 50 hours a week.
I feel bad for what I've spent on me for the holiday - £1k plus spending money. No one in the family has gone without to pay for this.
AIBU ?

Has someone commented?

NO - go and enjoy, what you've worked hard for x

YABU to feel bad about it.

Go and enjoy your holiday!

Why do you feel you have to justify it? You have the money, enjoy yourself.

You have earned this holiday. Go and enjoy it and leave your DH to hold the fort. DO NOT do lots of cooking/cleaning/laundry in advance and make it very clear you expect to come home to a clean and tidy home.

You don’t need to be a martyr to ‘deserve’ a decent holiday. Flying at the arse crack of dawn and staying somewhere basic instead of having a holiday you can really relax and enjoy would be more of a waste if anything. I’d rather spend £1k on a great time than £600 on an ok one.

You work hard, your friends have decided this is the plan this year, you want to go, presumably you can afford it, you’re not making your DCs go without to fund it. I can’t see an issue. Life is short, do nice things.

Go, enjoy yourself. YABU to think you don’t deserve a nice holiday!

YANU for the holiday. Go and enjoy yourself!

But YAU for doing ALL the housework and other stuff you do.

No one has gone without. You should not feel bad, and enjoy your holiday.

I don’t really understand. You’re not more worthy than the next person who goes on holiday. There isn’t a hierarchy of deserving.

You definitely do deserve it!! But you should have worked harder at some balance at home, and it’s not too late for that. Ask dh what were the easiest things and what were the hardest and for his easiest list say good they are yours now.

I know what you mean, I feel bad if I spend a bit more money on myself but go and enjoy it.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm spending similar. I don't have teens to ferry about, I work 15 hours a week less than you, and barely do any housework. So I certainly don't 'deserve' it. Luckily when I booked, they only asked for my card details not my to do list!

I did the same this year, also with DH and teen at home. No regrets at all and no guilt.

Why are you feeling bad?
You don’t have to flog yourself to be able to justify doing nice things for yourself.

Me and Dh work full time, I do EVERYTHING at home, every single bit of planning/organising/suggesting/thinking possible plus a lot of driving dc and ALL the cleaning/tidying/sorting.

Sounds like your AIBU should be about leaving your useless DH.

YANBU to enjoy your well earned holiday. But YABVU to do absolutely everything at home. Surely it is a joint decision to have a family, so it should be a joint decision to raise one.

This @Past780

Absolutely DO NOT feel bad about this. You are a person who deserves to have nice experiences too, just because you are a Mum and wife doesn't mean you don't deserve it, especially if you do everything at home!

Yes you deserve it! And since you're paying for it with money that you've earned, you've also earned it. Go and enjoy yourself 🍹

I hope previous posts have convinced you. Have a fab holiday ☀️😎

You’re not being clear, OP. Has anyone suggested you don’t ‘deserve’ your holiday? It sounds as if you don’t think you deserve it.

We have joint finances and we each spend what we want out of the joint account, within reason. DH would never spend the amount I have to go away with friends without me. To put the cost of the holiday into perspective, we also need to get the following things done at home, each cost the same as the holiday has and we've been waiting months to get these done:
Some building work in the garden
Decorating - cosmetic
House repairs, all cosmetic

Instead, I have used all the money for a luxury holiday just for me. I feel very selfish but at the same time life is short and no one is going to remember the lovely painted walls at the end of it all

I’d say you have more of a problem than feeling selfish @Past780your household needs some major changes in terms of who does what.
How has this been allowed to happen?
Please don’t do a load of prep or leave lists when you go away.
Let them figure it out.

If you can do extra work to pay for a holiday you can do extra work to pay for home repairs/ decorations.