In laws, baby and illness

[Moncheri13]

Aibu?

Situation is me dh and 4 week old baby. Baby really not sleeping and also have a lively older child to look after.

Mil and Fil were coming over to see us, sil (dhs sister) decided to come too. All fine, it’s not the first time they’ve seen the baby. They visit every week and came twice during the first two weeks plus mil spent the whole day with us when baby was only a week old.

Dh was on the phone to fil regarding what time they were coming. I heard Fil say to dh “sil is coming too, and we are just trying to persuade bil to come too, but he’s got a stinking cold, so don’t know if he will, but we are trying to persuade him to come out for a bit”.

No regard for the baby, me or dh catching this ‘stinking cold’. Last thing we all need in our sleep deprived state.

I was fuming, I told dh to ring fil back and tell him not to bring bil over to when he’s unwell. But dh wouldn’t and just kept saying it’s unlikely bil will come.

Edited to add, it’s not the first time in laws have visited us when they’re sick. Mil came over once and informed us she’d thrown up this morning, but she felt fine now. Ah well that’s ok then 🙄

I'd be fuming! I also wouldn't let the SIL round to be honest and I've been very laid back about bugs with my now 9 month old. Just isn't worth the risk, how incredibly selfish of them!

So ring SIL yourself and say that while you’d love to see them all you’re worried about catching BIL’s cold.

My BIL & SIL cancelled coming to us when dS2 was a few weeks old because DN had a cold. I didn’t need to ask them!

I can’t understand the stupidity of some people. Hopefully in your case it’s just your FIL who is stupid and BIL is sensible.

I think your completely right to say not to come. My son ended up on a ventilator in February at 3 months old with Bronchiolitis.
Despite his history, my in laws visited last month with what they thought was “just a cold” (didn’t tell us) My son caught it and ended up in hospital again with Bronchiolitis, croup and flu! He wasn’t as poorly as February thank goodness but was in hospital for 3 nights. I was so annoyed 😒

Why is your husband not bothered about this?
Of course he shouldn't come. Why are they trying to persuade him?

Quite possible SIL is harbouring stinking cold too

That's really inconsiderate, I'd cancel. Not worth the risk

I'd also cancel it's stupid of them to try to convince him to visit.

I would ring SIL and BIL myself and say please don't come here if you're ill - with a new baby in the house you'd think it would be a no brainer! But if it has to be said, I would definitely say it.

When my eldest was 4 weeks old FIL and StepMIL came over and she was holding and kissing him for about 2 hours. I went to give her a hug when they left and she said oh better not as I’ve got a cold and sore throat! I was speechless! Would risk passing to me but quite happy to risk my tiny newborn! YANBU ring and say no thank you keep your germs at home

You are well within your rights to politely tell them not to come, you’re not the one that would have to deal with baby, your older child your DH or yourself becoming poorly with it, if they offended it’s on them totally !

My son at 10 weeks old ended up in hospital with Bronchiolitis had to stay in overnight with him because an IL visited and neglected to mention they had a chest infection after that I was strict about visitors and when anyone visited there was hand sanitiser on a small table in my entrance hall and this was long before Covid existed and yes I know babies are meant to pick colds, flus and viruses up to build their immune system which they did when they were older and stronger.

If your useless DH is too scared to put them off then you'll have to

YANBU at all, especially at just 4 weeks. My best friend didn’t meet our first until she was over a month as she had a cold that wouldn’t budge. I didn’t even have to ask, and after 3 weeks I told her I’d be fine for her to come. She insisted on waiting until she was 100% better and when I read PPs’ stories about hospital stays I’m so glad she did!

I had this also. We were invited for dinner, walked in, MIL took baby off me gave her to FIL. We ate everything fine. Then they casually mention how they think FIL has shingles!!!!!! Me and my husband both looked at each other got our stuff together and left. When asked why they invited us they said well we don’t know if it is!! Luckily it wasn’t.

MIL and SIL also visited for a quick baby cuddle knowing they had been in contact with a house full of people with Covid. The day after they tested positive. I was fuming.

They have only ever cared about what they want. Wanting cuddles with the baby was more important that the risk to her health.

You need to speak to your husband about how he needs to stand up for you all. I didn’t get that in the beginning and it was very isolating and lonely. I ended up with PPD and PPA. Still suffering now nearly 3 years on.

Been there! So many times. Some people are ridiculous - it all about what they want 😞

Totally bizarre, agree youre better off cancelling. People be cray.

It’s very likely Covid - there’s loads around at the moment. Tell your DH to tell them not to come - this is definitely the last thing you need!

Probably husband back at work already while Mum is on maternity leave so it actually won't impact the Dad as much if Mum/baby/older child catches a cold. Or that some men don't like to make a fuss or rock the boat? Op should have rung or messaged herself and by-passed her DH.

How stupid are they? I wouldn’t want sil over either since she will likely come down with it in the next day or so and will be incubating it now.

You haven't got a phone of your own then, no?

YANBU

Main character syndrome here

My husband was on the phone to fil as it was being said.

Why should I have been the one to ring fil back, and say don’t bring bil?

If I was speaking to my parents and they said this I’d tell them not to. I wouldn’t expect dh to call my parents up to say it.

Dh was here, he arranged the visit and took the call.

He doesn’t like to go against his parents.

Just text them and say sorry sil and bil won't make it this time as obviously you prefer to keep a healthy dc if possible.. You absolutely need to advocate for your baby if your useless fuck dh won't.

Was the visit today?