To want to buy my daughter expensive new uniform instead of second hand

[Amandella]

Ok, I don't know how to write this without sounding like a wealthy stupid desperate housewife but my youngest dd is starting in a new private school in September and yesterday we got a uniform list and instructions on where to go for fittings at John Lewis. Looking at the list which is frankly miles long and ludicrously overpriced, my dh commented that there was sure to be a second hand shop at the school and I should check it out. Being dutiful desperate housewife, but hoping that there wasn't, I rang school and friendly lady advises that there is indeed a second hand shop and i'm welcome to come in to see if I can get anything. OK, so the total list of items she needs comes to about £350 and no, we are not loaded, but t.b.h I can afford this so I would prefer my dd to go to her first school in her own new clothes... it's just me - I am not a snob and I don't have an issue in buying stuff second hand as time goes on but I just have a vision of her starting school in new stuff just like her sister did and just like I remember doing when I went to school. This sounds trite I know but is it unreasonable?? Dh is not bothered either way!
Thanks

You're so lucky to have standard items you can get from M&S or Matalan. I really feel sorry for my parents now. My school uniform was a kilt that had to be made to measure and could only be dry cleaned.

What sort of idiot thinks dry-clean only is a good idea for a school uniform?

If you can afford a new uniform and it's important to you, go for it.

I wouldn'nt send my children to a school where you would be "teased for being poor"!

There's a sensible mix of advice here. I would definitely go for new for day one and then mix and match as they stain/wear out/get lost.

I've just had to buy two sets of uniform for DD's new school - Summer uniform for term 1 and Winter for Term 2 (we are in Aus), so a lot of stuff in the space of around 10 weeks. It came to over $2,000. I nearly DIED.

Got nice photo for grandma though

Interestingly I noticed a lot of the senior girls were asking for second hand stuff at the uniform shop. It's probably not the done thing to look too smart by then.

I did notice a few hand me downs in Kindergarten, but the only child who wore last years uniform from her big sister(they had a change over this year) on day 1 was swiftly put into the new one by the end of the week.

We've already had to buy extra library bags, outdoor hats, socks, skivvies etc etc etc. She goes to friends houses after school and the identical uniforms (down to socks and undies) go missing very easily, so bear this in mind!

I get as much as I can from the second-hand shop, and then top up with new.

We are in Budapest and I helped out at a second hand uniform sale last year - they were selling second-hand M&S trousers for more than you would pay for new in M&S!!!!! (Mistake by non-Brits who just priced the trousers the same as the school ones).

I wouldn't want a school where you were going to have to buy the uniform from one shop. It should be possible to get skirts, shirts etc from M & S ,BHS or similar. It should all be washable. Blazers and ties should come from the school shop, the school having negotiated for the best possible deal.Schools should have as few changes as possible in uniform. There is no need for a hat in 21st century-pupils hated the hats 40 yrs ago! I also wouldn't want my DC to go to a school where they were likely to be branded poor over uniform, although I still fail to see how anyone would know if it was new or good quality second hand.
However if you want to pay full price and can afford it then go ahead. I would much prefer to pay less and put the savings into a building society account for them.

OhEarlybird - if only the shorts could talk...

My sister and I went to Boarding School and it was the same situation with the uniform. My parents did go down the second hand route and we ended up with second hand winter coats instead of the modish capes that everyone else wore. Also out of date school hats while everyone else wore new ones in a different style. We didn't get teased - they were quite a nice bunch of girls, hardly any bullying, but I felt that I stuck out and I hated winter when I had to wear this blardy coat - also two sizes two big to allow for growth .

Personally I would always try to buy new for my dc because of how self conscious I felt. When you are growing up you just want to fit in. 30 years later I still remember how bad it felt.

If you can afford it it is probably less hassle to buy new but it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things, there is no real snobbery, and be prepared to be disappointed when it gets spoilt or lost in the first few weeks. I had 2 kids to kit out and new would have been well over £500 without footwear. Small kids get very little use out of blazers for example so it would be worth going along to the second hand sale to speak to other parents and find out what is really required. For dd I got a basic set of new (tunic , couple of tops, cardigan, summer dress) then had second hand for "spares" and a 2nd hand blazer (which was worn twice in the first year), tracksuit then pe kit wasn't needed until summer term of Reception. Subsequently I've had to add substantially to this and ds' uniform over the past 3 years but at least have been able to anticipate what I can get 2nd hand in good condition and what is better new.

I made sure that DS2 had a whole new set of clothes to stand up in on day 1, but then it was his brother's cast offs etc. He wasn't bothered but it did not seem fair to me not to make a fuss for that one day. DS2 gets quite excited still at wearing DS1's cast offs (DS1 is not hard on his clothes) but DS2 did draw the line at wearing his brother's underpants. They are 11 and 15.

I see your point I think. I did buy new for all my DCs when they started school - but it was quite cheap for a little state primary - the whole lot came to less than £100.

But I went to a private girls' school and the uniform was ridiculously expensive - obscene amounts of money. It could only be bought from 2 shops in the whole country and used a special unique dye colour. About a yr before I left I had to have a new school coat - it cost my mum £80. And that was in 1983. The second hand shop was vital.

I woudl definitely get some secondhand stuff - when I was at a (private)school it was actually rather a badge of honour to have 2nd hand things (Slumming it!) so it is not necessarily the case she, or her classmates, will think the same way you do.

I have been very lucky with DS and friends pass me down pretty much all his clothes. But I do feel I would like his first set of uniform to be new. However it consists of school sweatshirts which are £9, white polo shirts (which I got for £1.25 for 3 in Sainsburys the other day) and grey trousers.

If faced with a bill of £350 I would look at doing a mixture I think as it seems a bit much to spend on uniform even if you can afford it.

like Cockles, at my school it was considered cool to wear worn-looking things, 'last year's' colours etc.
I think it was because it made it look like you'd come up from the junior school rather than joining at 11 so weren't so obviously a New Girl. And of course all the cool UVs wore washed-out skirts, unravelled jumpers etc...

I was ecstatic when I managed to buy one of the old-style pink denim art smocks at a secondhand sale rather than the vile new maroon ones.

New togs for the first few days, as you can afford it. But how long do most things look new? Not after a couple of washes IME.

So after a week or so, all the children will be wearing clothes (shirts,skirts,jumpers) that have been washed and worn. No one will spot the second hand stuff as everyone is wearing 'used' clothing anyway!

So buy some second hand stuff but keep it aside for later is my advice.

Don't know anything about the social dymanics of private schools, but there might even be some kudos in rejecting the 'walked-straight-out-of-new-school-uniform-shop' look.

If your child is in brand new everything, it might look like you are trying just a bit too hard.

I do know how you feel as when I was a little girl we had no money and all my uniform was second hand -some of it came from the lost property! I am so anal about my ds's uniform you wouldn't believe yet he wears a lot second hand other clothes. Your dc might not grow quickly ds has had the same pair of expensive trousers for the entire year and he's 4...they are still in such excellent condition I can keep them for ds 2, not generally something you can do with supermarket uniforms I hear. There is a second hand shop as ds's school but the crap that gets put in there is unbelievable and the school charge 50% of the original price which is extortionate considering the washed out, marked, tumbled dried to hell uniforms they still believe can be worn.

(I haven't read whole thread)

At my DD's school uniform can only be bought from the school's own new or second hand shop. A complete girls uniform new is £500+ (boys nearly double).

Here (complete) new uniforms are slightly looked down upon as being a little 'nouveau' by the old money types who wouldn't dream of being so wasteful. There is a waiting list to 'staff' the second hand shop so one can get first pickings of all good uniforms!

I buy the odd bit new (running knickers, socks and leotards etc), but tbh most other things come from second hand shop - I've learnt my lesson as white board marker/fountain pen ink they use does not wash out and it pains me when I know the item cost £50 - if I paid £10 for it I just shrug.

Also much of our uniform needs to be dry clean, other bits cannot be tumble dried so one has to have lots of it.

I like proper school uniforms, I just don't like the price.

I detest the polo shirt and sweater uniform that seems to have become the norm. I'd much rather my children had a decent and enforced uniform. Might be slightly more expensive in the long run, but it's neater and it cuts out on the idiots who send kids to school in inappropriate clothes.

My DS#1 is going to have a 'proper' blazer with a school badge in September. The rest of the uniform can come from Asda (apart from a rugby shirt) if need be though so hoping it won't be too pricey all together. I've never found too many liberties taken with the polo shirt/sweater thing at our primary school though. Not all the sweaters have the school badge but basically all the children come in the right colour clothes and look reasonable neat.

Oh YABU I think. Sounds a bit snotty to me.

This being said mine both go to private school and they've only ever had new uniform

But this is because I work so don't have time to go to the school shop which is only open on tuesday afternoons when there is a full moon

I live in an area where uniform is as creatively interpreted as it can be by a lot of parents. Black or grey school trousers/skirt/pinafore can lead to anything at all, in whatever colour mum or dad fancies. Jeans are frequently seen. White or red shirt/polo shirt can usually be adhered to, but there are still those who decide to either not bother with this layer at all, or send in with tee shirts or football shirts. In summer school gingham dresses are allowed, but you see everything from party frocks to fancy dress-up stuff. School sweaters are quite prevalent, it must be said. They're ugly though

Some of the dross that I have seen kids wearing this year:

Miniskirt/legging combo with strappy shoes on a child no older than Y2. In February.

Jeans and football shirts.

The shoes issue is a minefield too, with flip slops and silly hells abounding in the girls camp.

Incoming rant

I went to a state primary, and the uniform was a navy skirt or trousers, a pale blue shirt, school tie and navy cardigan or jumper. You know something? Every single pupil wore the uniform. There were no discrepancies. Everyone could afford it as it was reasonably priced. Why is now so different? It was only the mid-eighties when I was at school.

I can't see why schools shouldn't be able to put their foot down. Pick a uniform, even if it is a case of the dreadful sweater and polo neck variety, but stick to it! If a child wanders up wearing a pair of jeans and a Manchester United top, send them home to change. If they're wearing trainers with no medical reason, home to change. A couple of terms of it and there'd be very few people making mistakes.

Okay, I'm off for a lie down now. Sorry for going off at a tangent. I shall leave you to it. Just glad my daughter has already got her uniform for this year sorted, and next year will just be a case of refreshing trousers skirts and tights as she doesn't ever seem to grow out of her school jumper

I am the same as the OP and think it is important (in a very sad way admittedly) to have all new stuff at the start of a new school. It is all for motherly preening, really and warm feelings on the first day of school etc

To be honest after seeing the way my daughter has trashed her once immaculate, £60 blazer (it comes home covered in dusty footprints sometimes, God only knows what she does with it) those warm feelings dim somewhat

Hah - I went to a school like that and all the cool kids (often with older sisters who had been to the school too) had second-hand uniform - esp. the really wanky stuff like blazers, 'regulation' anorak, divided skirt for games. We even had to carry a wicker basket on HE days - LOL!

The ones (like me) in brand new stuff looked really spoddy.

Don't have an opinion on what you should do - just food for thought. If she's 11 she'll be happy to wear the brand neww stuff now, but in a year's time she'll be puishing holes in her cargigan sleeves, and unravelling the hem of her jumper!

The second hand shop stuff will be fine quality (and you will be using it later!) but i know where you're coming from!