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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be terribly worried about nursery

37 replies

Turkishcoffee · 12/07/2025 03:48

Looking for reassurance here or people telling me I'm an idiot.

My dd is starting nursery in September. She has just turned 2 and will be the youngest there. She is very shy and clingy and absolutely does not seem ready for it.

I am a single parent and went through a horrible time which resulted in lots of changes in our lives. We are quite skint and I have to work 4 days a week. This means DD will be starting nursery 4 days a week with wrap around care - so 8.30- 5pm.

I feel horrible for doing this to her. The nursery choice was also rushed as I was planning to keep her at home for longer before we experienced the chaos that disrupted our lives, so I don't feel like I had a choice in places or am doing my best for her. Her father will not do childcare but pays a bit towards her care.

Is this going to be too much for a child of 2? I have some savings so could work less at a push, but it would mean possibly never moving out of rental as my savings would be screwed.

AIBU to put DD in nursery 4 long days a week at the age of 2?

OP posts:

BlackCoffeeAndSugar · 12/07/2025 03:55

The most important bit here is how they manage settling in and transitions. Start reading books to her from library about nursery. Pretend toys are going to nursery at a very simple level - bye bye, then back to pick up type game.

You're doing the best you can for future

Sinkingfeeling952 · 12/07/2025 04:00

It’s not too much - if it makes you feel better, my DC have been in nursery five days a week from 8:00 until 18:00 since 11 months old and they’re fine. They love nursery, are happy and we have a great relationship. Needs must so we have to do what we need to do, but that sounds ok to me.

NormaNormalPants · 12/07/2025 04:02

I know it feels daunting at first but she will be fine. DD has done similar hours since she was a year old and moved up to a 5 day week just before she turned 2 as I was heavily pregnant with her brother. She absolutely loves nursery, has a great group of friends that she talks about whenever she’s not there, and developmentally has come on leaps and bounds which has been lovely to watch.

dottiedodah · 12/07/2025 04:06

Try not to fret too much.i am a retired nursery school teacher.in the baby room.we had 5 month olds so DD is not that young!. Its always hard at first but she will settle in. You can plan .but things rarely work out as expected. You are doing your best for DD future. Many parents would like to stay home but it doesn't always work out like that.she will make lots of little friends. @

Blueberrymuffinsforthewin · 12/07/2025 04:08

My DC started nursery at 2, granted we were in a position where we built up his days but she'll be fine. As others have said prepare her by playing games, try and get some settling sessions first so it's not just thrust on her. Also be kind to yourself - it's hard in the beginning as most children are upset by the change of routine and you'll likely feel the dreaded mum guilt but generally once they realise they get to have fun and make friends they're fine.

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 12/07/2025 05:06

Well you say you have no choice, so you jist have to do the best with what you have. 2 years old is actually ok, and they will probably enjoy themselves. How was your DD with the visit there? As PP said manage the transitions well and start with some short visits. See how they settle, if they don't settle then you can reassess, but chances are they will enjoy themselves. Is there any option of starting with shorter days first? Also if the father isn't paying his share, go after him.

comfyshoes2022 · 12/07/2025 05:23

It seems totally normal to me to send a 2 year old to nursery for that amount of time. I know many people who do that and the children are thriving.

Optimustime · 12/07/2025 05:27

She'll be fine. My two loved nursery. It's tons of messy play, singing and rhyme time, playing with toys you don't have at home etc. Cuddles with their key worker, new friends.

My tips would be very very swift drop off. 123, there you go DD and walk out. Be prepared for a lot of illness in the first year. How are you going to cover that?

chatgptsbestmate · 12/07/2025 05:31

You might find that it's the best thing for her, as she's clingy. 2 is definitely not too young. She might be quite tired to start with (long hours)

Loobylu66 · 12/07/2025 05:43

I had to put my son in all day nursery when he was 1.5 years old and I also felt so bad about it. I had ran away from Dubai when he was 6 months old due to having married a lunatic and came back to to the UK after 14 years to basically nothing. I found a job within 6 months of coming back, started 3 months later and off to nursery he went.
First couple of days when I left him there were tears and screams, but he ended up loving it and I had to virtually drag him away at the end of the day.

Bumbers · 12/07/2025 05:48

Both of mine were in full time from 1. They love / loved it. Even if I had the option, I would want them to be at nursery. They gain so much! They make friends, learn social skills, do activities they wouldn't do at home. They learn so much and have so much fun!

Newmumburnout · 12/07/2025 05:56

My DS started nursery at 1 year old. He now goes 4 days a week and is 2 next month. He loves it there. There are lots of little kids his age and lots of toys.snacks etc. I also enjoy my time away from family life and going to work. Then we enjoy our time together. It is healthy for them to experience the world outside of you in a safe environment. Honestly, don't worry. Lots of kids go to nursery and are happy !

thevoiceoffrustration · 12/07/2025 06:31

With the 2 year funding now available there are lots more 2year olds in nurseries and preschools.

If you can prepare her by leaving her with a family member or friend for half an hour or so a few times before she starts this will help to prepare her.
Send in her favourite comfort item.
You can even send in a little photo book of pictures of you and family.
Tell her ‘Mummy is coming back, Mummy always comes back’ when you leave her.
Always tell her when you leave and say goodbye. It is better than sneaking out in the long run which makes her realise in a bit that you’ve gone and disappeared suddenly without warning.

Are you able to do some short days first to build up?

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/07/2025 06:37

Mine started at 3 months in the baby room so I'm surprised she'll be the youngest at 2. Unless you mean it's more like a preschool where they only take them from 2?

It's nursery, you aren't doing anything to her I promise. She'll need an adjustment time and after she's settled, she'll have so much fun.

OutandAboutMum1821 · 12/07/2025 06:37

It sounds like based on your own set of circumstances you are making the best decision you can right now by considering the longer-term financial benefits. I’m sorry that you haven’t had complete choice over the timing of her starting age and amount she needs to attend. Best of luck to you both with this change/transition, hope it all goes smoothly.

OutandAboutMum1821 · 12/07/2025 06:38

Mummyboy1 · 12/07/2025 06:41

Prepare her, talk about nursery positively, have as many settle sessions as they offer. She'll be fine though!! My son was at nursery 7.30am to 6pm before the age of 2, 4 days a week. His sister will be doing the same at 9 months. They'll be fine.

SquashPenguin · 12/07/2025 06:59

My daughter has been full time in nursery since she was 7mo and she LOVES it! Shes 14mo now, yesterday she toddled in and didn’t even look back to say bye!

Like other pp it has done wonders for her development. She’s very sociable and loves to get stuck in with activities.

Wherewithout · 12/07/2025 12:25

My son has been in nursery full time since about a year old and he loves it! He was disappointed this morning that he doesn’t get to go in and see his friends because it’s the weekend 😂

In some ways I think it’s easier for them to settle if they go more often as they get used to the routine. It’s been really good for his development and now he’s a bit older it’s lovely to hear him chatting away about his day when he comes home.

Bearinthesmallmessyflat · 12/07/2025 12:42

I think most kids start nursery around 1 anyway as that’s when most people return to work from maternity leave so she’s definitely not too young.
The first few morning might be a bit rough and expect her to be tired and cranky in the evenings for the first week but she’ll be fine and she’ll love it once she’s settles.
In my experience clingy tots tend to really flourish at nursery, you’ll be amazed at how much more confident she’ll be a few months in.

Radiatorvalves · 12/07/2025 12:46

My kids went to a fantastic nursery from about 12 months. Full time. They enjoyed it and went on to enjoy school and are now well adjusted young adults. I was dealing with them alone - not a single parent but DH was on the other side of the world with the military for much of their early years, so not the easiest of times. Your DD will be fine. X

LilacFrances · 12/07/2025 12:53

I think, reading between the lines, you are feeling a bit guilty. Try to let go of this because what you are doing is probably best for your daughter in the long run. As others have said, Nurseries are great places for little children. They are excellent for preparing them for Primary School. After the initial settling in period your daughter will be very happy. I can tell you have so much love for you little girl. What more could she wish for!

Bababear987 · 12/07/2025 13:13

OP in the kindest way, what do you think everyone else has done with their children after mat leave? Most people are back to work at 9m or 12m and the children are in nursery.

TheLemonLemur · 12/07/2025 13:26

She will be absolutely fine. And when you feel guilt remember you are doing it for your and her future. I'm a single parent and went back to full time uni with intensive placements when my child just turned 2. It was hard going and I felt guilty being the first parent dropping off and near enough last collecting but doing it meant I ended up in a better career and am now just about to buy a house so it was worth it

Frugalgal · 12/07/2025 13:26

I'm surprised a 2 year old is the youngest, most people start theirs at 1 year, if returning from mat leave.

Honestly you'd be feeling guilty and worrying even if your circumstances were ideal. In fact if you didn't have to work and send her to nursery you might feel even more guilty.

You are doing the best you can for both of you and you are clearly a great mum. If she's clingy nursery will do her the world if good and socialise her in advance of school.

It will be fine. You're going to have enough to worry about with the logistics and the bugs she will pick up (keep your savings for unpaid leave if you can) so let go of the worry and guilt and focus on the practicalities which will be enough to worry about in your situation.

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