To be terribly worried about nursery

[Turkishcoffee]

Looking for reassurance here or people telling me I'm an idiot.

My dd is starting nursery in September. She has just turned 2 and will be the youngest there. She is very shy and clingy and absolutely does not seem ready for it.

I am a single parent and went through a horrible time which resulted in lots of changes in our lives. We are quite skint and I have to work 4 days a week. This means DD will be starting nursery 4 days a week with wrap around care - so 8.30- 5pm.

I feel horrible for doing this to her. The nursery choice was also rushed as I was planning to keep her at home for longer before we experienced the chaos that disrupted our lives, so I don't feel like I had a choice in places or am doing my best for her. Her father will not do childcare but pays a bit towards her care.

Is this going to be too much for a child of 2? I have some savings so could work less at a push, but it would mean possibly never moving out of rental as my savings would be screwed.

AIBU to put DD in nursery 4 long days a week at the age of 2?

You're doing the best that you can for her in difficult circumstances. That's all any of us can do. Very, very few people are able to give their children absolutely peak life experiences at all points.

Have a look around at other options so you have a back-up plan if she struggles to settle/you don't like the nursery, but chances are she'll be fine once she settles in.

YABU for worrying, yes! It is fine. If she is the youngest, she won't have any concept of being the youngest, it just won't matter. And as others have said, you are not doing anything that countless other mums aren't doing, indeed many kids go to nursery much younger - my first did - and that's fine too.

I would advise not making too big a thing of it with LO - she will have a lovely time, and if she seems sad the first few times you leave, don't string it out, try not to get visibly upset help her understand it's normal and positive. It will be really good for her and honestly I think it's good for you to work and have an identity outside being 'mummy'. Good luck. x

Lots of children start at nursery younger than 2. Can you arrange two or three taster days before she starts going officially?

She will be fine. Nursery may sort out this clinginess (which is not cute and you need to address before she starts school).

Have you looked into a childminder instead? Smaller setting and more personalised care. Often cheaper too. It might give her the opportunity to get used to being away from you/with other children but in a much smaller setting.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments, advice and reassurances. I totally expected to get blasted on here but the compassion shown and sensible suggestions have been helpful.

Totally needed the reminder that it is common to send kids to nursery. For those who asked, the nursery doesn't take kids younger than 2.

The Childminder option is good but I had to rush to find a nursery place and take what was available because of life changes. I will look into it again if things don't work out as a back up option.

I will definitely read nursery books and 'take teddy to nursery' games - thanks for the advice!

I realised because of the sudden chaos and difficulty in our lives, I'm projecting my anxiety on to this situation. I've caught myself being over protective of my child andvworry about the impact of change on them alot, so maybe sending them to nursery might be good for us both.

She will be absolutely fine. Don’t forget: they DO cry at drop off and sometimes at pick up too - it doesn’t mean they are miserable all day!

My dc’s both went to nursery and both fine now. Dd is preparing for 11 gcses and aiming for top grades, very happy child and no social problems at all. Ds is funny and friendly and chatty.

Make sure you centre your child before and after nursery - a really nice bath, story, cuddles and bedtime. She will need those contact points and so will you.

https://www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/read/helping-your-toddler-with-separation-anxiety this should help. If you can start to show her the building, arrange short visits now to help her get to know staff.

Personally, I think it's too much, too young. I know other people do it; I know some people have no choice, but if I could find any way round not doing this then i would, including using house deposit savings.

Both of my children were around 18 months when they started, and the nursery had a baby room so people do send much younger children to nursery. Can you take a look at other settings before you need to send her so you can see for yourself that you have picked the best option? I remember simply going with what my friend chose as she gave lots of feedback on places she visited so I just took her word on the one she picked being the best - probably should have done my own research but the kids were fine.

Remember settling in can be tricky but stay firm with the routine. It's hard not to feel guilty but it's very much a luxury these days to have a parent stay at home full time, despite what people on MN think and how some will say they are too young. Needs must and no one I know has a magic money tree to allow them to just stay home if they want to.
You will still have 3 days a week to spend with her so focus on those.

Please stop beating yourself up. She is not too young and it is your best option to maintain your standard of living for both of you. Do the initial visits programme, talk to someone at nursery re your concerns and do look at the positives.companionship, social skills , being used to separation and being collected, lots of new and different experiences. Do try not to put your worries un her way. ......and breathe!

I’m also a single parent and my child when to nursery from 9months old. I cried on the first day I felt like failure, I missed his first steps but I had to do it for us.