To be mad at DP

[Purplerainbows1]

Please give me a sense check as I can't tell if I am being reasonable or if I need to give my head a wobble! Partner and DD (12) are both autistic. Partner and I have been together 3 years. I am possibly also autistic, am currently considering looking into referral for an assessment.
Last night DP put on a film, Back to the Future 2. I said oh this is DD's favourite, I'll ask her if she wants to come and watch it. DP said no she has to watch the 1st one first. I said she's watched both before,this is her favourite, I'll ask her if she wants to watch it. He said no let's watch something else, I replied Eh? What's the problem?? So he turned the TV off. I left the room and said, watch it on your own, you can bu**er off! (Not my finest moment). I spent the evening with the kids then went to bed and was asleep before he came up. He woke early and left for work early whilst I was in the bathroom, he never leaves without speaking to me. He got home from work and I had fell asleep on the sofa because it is boiling. I have avoided him all evening and am fuming and he hasn't come to talk to me but is being chatty with the kids, why exclude my DD when we were about to watch a film? I honestly don't understand but excluding her has made me so cross with him. Am I being ridiculous?

Can’t be doing with people who are so petty , especially with kids.
You are not being unreasonable.

I think from his POV the last thing you said to him was to swear at him and now you’ve avoided him ever since? Have you apologised for telling him to bugger off? I think his behaviour was odd, but you need to have a proper conversation about it, which you can’t do when you are waiting for an apology and ignoring him and he probably thinks he is a due an apology for the way you reacted.

I haven't apologised no. This evening, I needed him to move his car so I could get my car out to take DS to an activity. DP said, you alright? (First time we'd spoken) I said something like, not bad then got in the car. I am so cross with him but do know that swearing at him wasn't right

This is his fault. He shouldn’t have said what your dc could watch. He needs to be more flexible.

Sounds like, for whatever reason, he wanted to spend time with you and not your children. Would she have changed the dynamic much? Eg does she talk or fidget a lot during films?

Ohhh, that might explain it. I was so confused. Yes, she never stops talking tbh. I don't want her excluded though, I just didn't agree with it

Was it his way of saying he wanted to watch something alone with you?
If he really wanted her to watch the first one then just put that on instead. But he seemed like he didn't want to watch TV with her.

I guess he didn't phrase it very nicely. Though telling someone to bugger off and then avoiding them for over a day isn't fantastic either.

It's fairly minor unless it's a symptom of bigger issues. So I'd just try and make up and move on.

This sounds like a big fuss over nothing to be honest. You need to be able to navigate stuff like this in a relationship without swearing and silent treatment!

He wanted to spend time with just you.

What @HelloGreen said.

This

It seems obvious that he wanted to do something with you, not with his daughter. You didnt see that. Shit happens. But now you're ignoring him and complaining that hes ignoring you. Theres fault on both sides here.

Yes, I can see that now.

Lord! You sure do know how to over react!

And your partner appears unable to express what he really wants (to watch the movie with just you)

What a pair 🙄

You both need to grow up. I’m autistic and don’t behave like this.

I don't like that he didn't want my daughter to join us. We come as a package so he needs to accept us as so. If he can't do that then that spells trouble for me.

He is sat in the lounge, I came in and sat down, he looked up at me briefly then looked away. He is clearly not speaking to me. I think I'll go to bed. I can't be doing with this.

Then you might as well end it now, and every future relationship now. It is not normal to have to have the children present at all times. People in a relationship need time just together, as adults.

But surely he's allowed time with just you?

SPEAK TO HIM. EXPLAIN THE ISSUE WITH CALM KINDNESS

Seriously....what's the MATTER with you?

Of course he's not speaking to you right this moment - you've been ignoring him since last night! Which, by the way, is pretty dysfunctional of you. Silent treatment is called abuse for good reason.

Kids coming as a package is one thing, but it's also ok for an adult to want to watch a film with another adult without children there, especially ones that talk all the time. You need to compromise too

Thanks

Maybe he just wanted to watch it with You so he could finger you?? 😆

But I didn't know that was what he wanted. I don't even know that for sure now.

You're welcome