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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at DP

37 replies

Purplerainbows1 · 11/07/2025 20:10

Please give me a sense check as I can't tell if I am being reasonable or if I need to give my head a wobble! Partner and DD (12) are both autistic. Partner and I have been together 3 years. I am possibly also autistic, am currently considering looking into referral for an assessment.
Last night DP put on a film, Back to the Future 2. I said oh this is DD's favourite, I'll ask her if she wants to come and watch it. DP said no she has to watch the 1st one first. I said she's watched both before,this is her favourite, I'll ask her if she wants to watch it. He said no let's watch something else, I replied Eh? What's the problem?? So he turned the TV off. I left the room and said, watch it on your own, you can bu**er off! (Not my finest moment). I spent the evening with the kids then went to bed and was asleep before he came up. He woke early and left for work early whilst I was in the bathroom, he never leaves without speaking to me. He got home from work and I had fell asleep on the sofa because it is boiling. I have avoided him all evening and am fuming and he hasn't come to talk to me but is being chatty with the kids, why exclude my DD when we were about to watch a film? I honestly don't understand but excluding her has made me so cross with him. Am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
InWalksBarberalla · 11/07/2025 21:31

Purplerainbows1 · 11/07/2025 21:18

I don't like that he didn't want my daughter to join us. We come as a package so he needs to accept us as so. If he can't do that then that spells trouble for me.

That's pretty unreasonable of you. DH and I sometimes prefer to watch a movie without DC.

Throckmorton · 11/07/2025 21:32

Purplerainbows1 · 11/07/2025 21:26

But I didn't know that was what he wanted. I don't even know that for sure now.

Show quote history

It doesn't matter that you don't know what he wanted - you've still been giving him the silent treatment for a day. That's not ok. You need to communicate, and if you try that and he won't communicate back, you need to reconsider the relationship

HappyToSmile · 11/07/2025 21:33

I think it's possible he just wanted to spend some time with you. Yes, you and your kids come as a package, but that doesn't mean you have to do Everything as a package. How you reacted after was also out of order.
Just talk to him

HappyToSmile · 11/07/2025 21:34

I think it's possible he just wanted to spend some time with you. Yes, you and your kids come as a package, but that doesn't mean you have to do Everything as a package. How you reacted after was also out of order.
Just talk to him

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 11/07/2025 21:37

It's complicated. You are sensitive to him not including your daughter as he is her step parent.
Watching her favourite movie whilst she is in the house and not inviting her to watch it too is mean in my opinion.

It's very important you have time alone, but I personally would have been upset at him not wanting her to watch the movie. Especially because he hasn't actually SAID it was because he wanted time alone with you, PP are just assuming.

It's important to pay attention to red flags and to prioritise your daughter. Maybe this is nothing, maybe it is a sign that he isn't the step parent you want him to be

rainbowstardrops · 11/07/2025 21:41

He clearly wanted to watch a film with just the two of you.
You’ve made it into a drama that didn’t need to happen.
Bloody communicate people!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 11/07/2025 21:49

fthisfthatfeverything · 11/07/2025 21:25

Maybe he just wanted to watch it with You so he could finger you?? 😆

Classy

Original poster
Purplerainbows1 · 11/07/2025 21:52

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 11/07/2025 21:37

It's complicated. You are sensitive to him not including your daughter as he is her step parent.
Watching her favourite movie whilst she is in the house and not inviting her to watch it too is mean in my opinion.

It's very important you have time alone, but I personally would have been upset at him not wanting her to watch the movie. Especially because he hasn't actually SAID it was because he wanted time alone with you, PP are just assuming.

It's important to pay attention to red flags and to prioritise your daughter. Maybe this is nothing, maybe it is a sign that he isn't the step parent you want him to be

Thank you, this sums up my thoughts too. Why watch her favourite movie without her whilst she is in the house.

OP posts:
whitewineandsun · 11/07/2025 21:53

Purplerainbows1 · 11/07/2025 21:18

I don't like that he didn't want my daughter to join us. We come as a package so he needs to accept us as so. If he can't do that then that spells trouble for me.

Do you come as a package every moment of the day? He wanted to spend time with you, and if your daughter weren't there with you, wasn't she doing something else?

You were unreasonable for that tbh. And you're overthinking in this post.

whitewineandsun · 11/07/2025 21:55

And stop the silent treatment. It's an abuse tactic and solves absolutely nothing.

Original poster
Purplerainbows1 · 11/07/2025 21:57

Okay, so I gave my head a wobble and talked to him. He said it wasn't about wanting to spend time with me, he just hadn't decided if he definitely wanted to watch it and if DD came in then he was committing to watching it. I apologised for avoiding him amd he said it's fine. I know this has been a small thing and some people were pretty unkind when I genuinely was asking for views about how to understand this situation but thank you to those who were constructive. I have learnt from this.

OP posts:
TammyJones · 12/07/2025 08:13

Good update.
Communication is very important in a relationship.

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