Feels like DH priorities his parents over us

[Sprinklesontoast15]

So last month we went on holiday with the kids and my parents and my DH was in a FOUL mood the whole time because my parents are older, would offer to help with GP duties but in reality struggle.

We ended up having no time together without the kids and I did the nights on my own so was tired the whole time. He kept bad mouthing my parents saying they should get up in the mornings to help. They did but couldn’t help much.

Now fast forward to now. We’re on holiday with his parents who are able to help and more than willing. but for some reason he would rather they have a nice time than accept the help. And he is getting annoyed with me if I speak out against him. As an example, they said they don’t mind getting up early to help. But when our toddler wakes up at 5am, he tells me to go through and start the day, and let his parents sleep.

his parents said they will take the kids so we can go on a date. My DH says to me no no, we can do everything together with them. I said I was a bit upset by that and he said fine, I can plan a date and he will come.

We were going to go swimming and he would have the kids while I did some lengths and then switch over. However he then said I should take the kids on my own and then it means his mum can do lengths.

yet his parents are literally being SO vocal about wanting to give me and us a break! Yet he still refuses and puts their comfort first. His dad is literally planning out things for me to have a nice time more than my actual DH. It’s the only break we get because both sets of GP live far away.

AIBU? Has anyone experienced this before? Did it get better?

I just called him out on it and said he had double standards with my parents and he went in a massive huff and walked out the room.

Tbh I’ve never understood why people go on holiday with grandparents. Just go on holiday by yourselves.

These examples all involve YOU having the kids so HE and his mum can have a break / do lengths. Next time tell him he can have the kids and give you and his mum a break!

He needs to grow up and fast. Clearly he did not want to go away with your parents but to be in a foul mood for a week is just childish.

He's a prick. Why isn't he giving you a break?

Yeah I echo the poster that he didn’t want to go on holiday with your parents. I don’t think you should entertain going away with either side to be honest. I also don’t want this on a holiday. I do think expecting any grandparent to get up at 5am in unreasonable.

If your MIL will babysit for you to go on a date then just arrange it with her, and if he doesn’t want to come then take yourself out for dinner.

Why go on holiday with your parents? I’m not surprised there are issues. I’d rather go to work than do that.

He sounds like a jerk

make him do at least 50/50 with you as sounds like he’s got you doing everthjgn

Your DH is an arse. And huffy behaviour is so immature and unappealing. He can't produce actual reasons why he should try to treat your parents like skivvies and refuse to let his parents help when they want to, but just sulks, how deeply unattractive.

And yes, he bad mouthed your parents for leaving you to do all the work, but didn't step in himself. "We were going to go swimming and he would have the kids while I did some lengths and then switch over. However he then said I should take the kids on my own and then it means his mum can do lengths". What was HE doing while you were taking his turns at childcare? Why can't his mum do lengths while he supervises his kids?!

If they genuinely want to help, I would be speaking to them without your DH around and see if you can organise something between you.

He's an immature, selfish dick. His behaviour is deeply off-putting (for an adult).

I would just arrange things with his mum and cut him out of the arrangements. Next time MIL suggests she could do something just reply with a that would be lovely. Or suggest that maybe granny would like to take them for ice creams this time.

you’re not asking for help or taking help from his mum, you’re giving her holiday time with the children

He's not putting his parents first at all, he's putting himself first. He also doesn't seem to like you very much.

Well he's huffing because you're right.

I think he doesn't like you very much im afraid. Certainly very little respect. Why is it you or his parents doing early mornings and not him?

Next time his dad offers to help you out, say directly to him, yes please, ill definitely take you up on that.

Well he is certainly keeping you on the back foot. Is he always this controlling? Immature? Obnoxious?
I would be going out for the day.. by myself, alone. And contemplate my future plans...

Op doesn't say she expects it.

It can be lovely holidaying with GPs. Just need clear boundaries and realistic plans and compromise.

Why don't you and your kids and parents go on holiday next year and leave your not very nice DH at home?

Well, it obviously is a double standard and it sounds like your DH didn't want to be on holiday with your parents at all 🙁

We holidayed with both sets of Grandparents when our children were small, my parents definitely helped more with childcare but I would never have expected either set of Grandparents to get up at 5am with my toddlers - it was more playing with them in the pool, making lunches etc but me & DH still did the bulk of the looking after the children. I just wanted the Grandparents to have fun with the children rather than giving us a break.

How many kids have you got?!? This is all so strange unless you have a dozen kids. What is going on that 4 adults are required to look after your kids?

I would say normal families function with a mixture of family time - surely the point of havihg dc? - plus one parent solo parenting whilst the other gets a break, an equal amount.

How old are your kids?

its your DH that is the arse.

must admit I would not enjoy going on holiday with an elderly couple who struggle to help with the kids. Why would you put the whole family through that knowing it was never going to be a holiday for either of you. Perhaps next time book a cottage for you and the kids and your parents.

Also, it is disgusting that he is in a mood because elderly gps can’t help with the children HE chose to have. Children are the parents responsibility first and foremost. GPS aren’t responsible at all for their dgc, many do pitch it but that’s because they want to, they don’t owe you it.

You have much bigger problems than your DH prioritising your parents. Have a read back of his selfishness:

We ended up having no time together without the kids and I did the nights on my own so was tired the whole time.

But when our toddler wakes up at 5am, he tells me to go through and start the day, and let his parents sleep.

I said I was a bit upset by that and he said fine, I can plan a date and he will come.

However he then said I should take the kids on my own and then it means his mum can do lengths.

His dad is literally planning out things for me to have a nice time more than my actual DH.

Do you see the pattern? He doesn’t think you deserve to relax or have a good time and he doesn’t want to spend any time alone with you.

Are you always the default parent?

Umm... What the heck are 'grandparent duties'?

I think you and MIL should go out, and leave him to babysit! He sounds churlish.He wants to have his parents on a "break" because they "deserve it".Sounds like he isnt so bothered about you and your folks .All GDP are not equal on terms of wealth age health etc .Some will struggle even at a similar age .

Thanks all! Just for context - we have 3 kids aged 3.5, 2 and 10weeks. Hence why it’s all talking about having a bit of help. I’m EBF a newborn and doing nights by myself because of that.

Childish, follows double standards and bad mouths your parents. Would not be staying with that.