Feels like DH priorities his parents over us

[Sprinklesontoast15]

So last month we went on holiday with the kids and my parents and my DH was in a FOUL mood the whole time because my parents are older, would offer to help with GP duties but in reality struggle.

We ended up having no time together without the kids and I did the nights on my own so was tired the whole time. He kept bad mouthing my parents saying they should get up in the mornings to help. They did but couldn’t help much.

Now fast forward to now. We’re on holiday with his parents who are able to help and more than willing. but for some reason he would rather they have a nice time than accept the help. And he is getting annoyed with me if I speak out against him. As an example, they said they don’t mind getting up early to help. But when our toddler wakes up at 5am, he tells me to go through and start the day, and let his parents sleep.

his parents said they will take the kids so we can go on a date. My DH says to me no no, we can do everything together with them. I said I was a bit upset by that and he said fine, I can plan a date and he will come.

We were going to go swimming and he would have the kids while I did some lengths and then switch over. However he then said I should take the kids on my own and then it means his mum can do lengths.

yet his parents are literally being SO vocal about wanting to give me and us a break! Yet he still refuses and puts their comfort first. His dad is literally planning out things for me to have a nice time more than my actual DH. It’s the only break we get because both sets of GP live far away.

AIBU? Has anyone experienced this before? Did it get better?

I just called him out on it and said he had double standards with my parents and he went in a massive huff and walked out the room.

Grandparent here but I’ve never heard of any grandparent duties I had to stick too . I certainly wouldn’t be up at 5 in the morning either. Of course I would help out though ,so maybe speak to your parents in law yourself if they have said that they would like to help . Other than that, your husband sounds like a real arse.

What strikes me about this is that he is expecting YOU to do the work to give his parents (and him) a break rather than him pitching in.

While I agree you can't really allow Grandparents to get up at 5am, why is he sending you to get up with the kids rather than doing it himself? He doesn't sound very nice or hands on. I would expect if you are breastfeeding a baby during the night be should be getting up in the morning to give you a chance to catch up on some sleep.

I'm not sure why so many people are against going in holiday with Grandparents in principle. When if works well it's a lovely thing to do.

EBF a newborn is an exhausting role which you never get a full nights sleep to recover from. So, if the parenting of your other 2 children is not being completed nearly entirely by the other parent if they’re not working , then you are in an unequal relationship and you have chosen an extremely selfish person to procreate with.

Having said that, you two are the ones who chose to have 3 under 4s, not either of your parents.

Wow I’m exhausted just reading the ages of your dc! How you have the energy to swim lengths I don’t know…! <unhelpful and missing the point>.

I hate that some people see grandparents as nothing more than free help!
They are family why can't people just enjoy the generations being together and having a nice time?
We have been on holiday with our children and grandchildren. When we do this we always pay for the holiday , activities and meals out , we don't expect to also provide unpaid childcare, and luckily our children don't expect that either, we do enough of that during the rest of the year. We holiday together so we can all spend time together although we do babysit etc if asked.
Your husband is a hypercrite though and it sounds as though he doesn't like your parents

What's he doing? Anything? He sound absolutely horrible. He is mean to and about your parents as they are older and struggle to provide much help with the children but his perfectly capable and willing parents shouldn't be expected to do anything with the children but neither should he? It all ends up as your responsibility.

I would absolutely lose my temper with your twat of a husband. He is completely selfish and a terrible father.

Abs Madness to do a holiday at that ages. That sounds like intensely hard work. He is being so disrespectful of you. He clearly doesn’t like you that much.

We ended up having no time together without the kids

Hmm, we went on holidays with parents and in laws and it would never have occurred to me to expect time together without the kids. We did stuff all together or just us, but I wouldn't be expecting parents to take them all, especially three under 4s.

That said, your husband seems to be behaving like a petulant arse and doesn't seem to actually like you very much. Is there more going on here?