Seriously thinking about leaving the UK

[Tanyasfootspa]

I’m not sure when the turning point was, but DH and I have hit a wall. The DC are both at university now, and for the first time in a long time, we’re thinking seriously about leaving the UK. The only thing stopping us is wanting to be close to potential future grandchildren.

It just doesn’t feel like the same country anymore. Everything seems to be falling apart — the NHS, education, transport, basic services — and yet at the same time, there’s this growing mindset that the government should step in and fix every personal problem. I’m all for supporting people who genuinely need help, but it’s frustrating seeing how much personal responsibility has gone out the window. It feels like no one’s expected to stand on their own two feet anymore.

We’ve worked hard our whole lives, paid our taxes, and honestly, it feels like we’re constantly penalised for it. Meanwhile, the cost of living is insane, our quality of life is slipping, and every time we turn on the news, it’s just more chaos or excuses.

We’ve started looking at options — maybe Canada, or somewhere in Europe (though Brexit makes that harder). We don’t expect a perfect life anywhere, but we want to live somewhere that still feels like it’s moving forward, not falling apart.

Has anyone else made the move once the kids were grown up? Did it help? Are we just burned out, or is this how others are feeling too?

Would really love to hear your honest experiences.

The wealthy get to the top of the pyramid by free riding on the work of those underneath them.

@cardibach yes I get that - I was thinking more in terms of actual physical cash or the use of NHS, state housing, schools etc ( where they usually go private) - I wasn’t agreeing with that poster whose views were very one sided -

My daughter lives in Australia. They have a lovely life but it comes at a cost. They won’t ever be able to afford to buy a house in Brisbane so will likely need to move elsewhere.

I worked in benefits when we were in the EU Those coming over only had to work 16 or 24 hours like anyone one else they were blown away with what they got and our benefit system,telling me the rest of the family would follow and how much more would they get. What I'm probably saying it's it's good here if you're a non or part time worker but if you're a self sufficient grafters probably better elsewhere. Keep a property here, put tenants in.

I agree with you that climate change should be a huge factor when contemplating a move to another country, and that the UK is a relatively good place to live from that point of view. I have certainly been influenced by such considerations; I now live in rural England, having moved there from the south coast of America to care for my elderly mother in 2018. Having always lived in cities, I thought that I'd go back to the US, or move to London or another large city, but have found that I really enjoy having a house and garden and being surrounded by green spaces after decades of urban apartment living. I was in London and Naples during the recent heatwave, and struggled to get anything done, or even think clearly.

North America and Canada don't seem good option to me as they are experiencing major extreme weather events. There's a slight possibility that Canada might become the 51st state of America as well.

How old are you? Many countries are not interested in giving visas to people over 50 unless you can prove you have sufficient assets not to be a drain on them.

Tbf, why do you think that is? People don’t want to pay for their news anymore so they need those clicks.

Average regular journalist in central London is less than £30k a year. They’re all poor too!

If you can get into Canada go for it beautiful country lovely people - I’d move there in a heartbeat.
good luck

My husband and I often think about it but the only thing stopping us now is money. All our savings have been used up with all the price increases. It seems everybody wants something for nothing these days. None of the youngsters want to work they just want the money so they're not working as a team player they just show up clock in stay around until clocking out time. Its sickening and with the unbelievably stupid lot we have in no.10 now it's not going to get any better.

Depends what you mean. There are Muslim Arbitration Tribunals that make legally-enforceable judgments on shariah principles (under same statute that provides for commercial arbitration, also covers Beth Din etc). Both parties need to agree to go to the tribunal though. So if the PP is worried about shariah being imposed on her then that’s not accurate. But if by ‘shariah law’ you mean court-enforceable judgments made under shariah principles then we do have that (and have had for decades).

I met someone who makes conspiracy theory videos for YouTube. He said it pays him more than he could get for making fact based content. So he makes the click-tastic, sensational stuff which feeds outrage

Then the poorly paid journalists working for “traditional” news media have to compete to keep their jobs.

Blame YouTube owner Google (or any big tech company) who created financial incentives for “news” content that makes people mad.

Vote with your feet.

Is there a country where the wealthy haven't inflated the price of property such that normal people cant afford a roof over their heads?!

Let us know if the grass is greener on the other side…

I have lived outside the UK for 13 years now first in the Middle East and now in Europe (where we arrived pre-Brexit).

Both my children chose to return to the UK for 6th form and uni despite our efforts to naturalise them as citizens of their new home country and despite free uni being a thing where we live.

I am currently back visiting my parents in the UK. The level of congestion on the roads, people literally everywhere, seeing my elderly parents struggling to cope with a dementia diagnosis and not being able to access even one iota of care or even a drs or physio appointment, and the high prices in general, just horrify me and although I long for the beautiful countryside when I am not here, I can’t wait to get out.

Yes, everywhere does have issues but somehow the UK has deteriorated MUCH faster than other places and whilst it was way cheaper than where we live even 5 years ago it’s now costing the same for much lower quality of life.

I don’t blame you OP for wanting to get out. But as soon as my kids have their own kids, we will seriously consider moving back just to see more of them. So there is that to consider.

This is my reasoning too, I feel like a lot of the UK public seem to have such opposing values and opinions to me now to an extent I don’t want to be associated with those values in any way….and yes I am thinking about reform voters views being so opposing to mine

I also think people are just more aware of the issues in the country they live in. One of the reasons we all love going on holiday is that we can ignore problems for a while. I think if you lived anywhere you would eventually see the issues. For me, speaking the language and sharing a sense of humour are more important factors than anything else.

If you call three years of working day in day out supporting those claiming asylum, then yes. I’m not saying they’re bad people, or that I wouldn’t do the same in their situation, but the amount of Iranian men becoming Christian in Glasgow at one point was quite astonishing. Women trafficked from Nigeria told to claim asylum when discovered in brothels. Etc etc

You want to move yo and emerging country where there are opportunities. Plenty of choices but u have to do your research.

There’s a couple of things to unpack there. Firstly your DC have successfully launched themselves from the nest so congrats on that achievement!

You’ve reached a certain stage in life where you get to consider yourself again, although no doubt the days and nights of being a parent taxi has left a hole. There’s a good page on Facebook called Grown and Flown where other parents share their feelings and experiences and what stage of the process they are at.

it’s re-assuring to read there’s more of us out there.

Thirdly you are feeling despair at the way you see UK heading. Some of the issues you mention I see in the country I live in, as well as where I grew up. You are right about personal responsibility seemingly decreasing. But is leaving the UK for a country that has similar values (for want of a better word) to the UK going to make you any happier or fulfilled?

We’ve just returned from 2 weeks in Thailand and already planning our next trip. We were in Vietnam two years ago. Both countries are doing their utmost to attract western expats to come and retire and boy have we thought long and hard about it. But it still doesn’t solve the issue that our DC are elsewhere.

to touch on that, my parents followed us around and were never happy. Dad had golf and bowls but mum never found her niche where ever she lived, yet it wasn’t up to us kids to fill that need either. It’s not fair to put that on our offspring. That sticks in my mind the most.

so what’s the answer? Frankly I don’t know but for all the faults of the country where we live, when we shut the gate we don’t have to invite those worries in. Some friends have stopped watching the news or simply changed the station of choice. They are choosing not to engage with all the negatives that are outside of their gate, or even just minimise the exposure. That’s one answer, start finding your own peace with your world.

go on holiday and see how others live. Have a great time, but as you go to board your plane home and once you arrive back in, how would you feel? Pleased to be back and energised for a new project ? Or wanting to pick up the phone and call your real estate agent in?

only you can answer that.. good luck.

Just be aware op of the incredible bureaucracy that exists in some European countries. (Small example: a friend who has an insurance claim on a big leak in her flat in Paris has been waiting 6 months and counting for the insurance payout to be issued). I’m sure you will, but research, and get local input on some ‘what if’ scenarios as this may influence your decision-making. I definitely think I’d rent somewhere first whilst (if possible) keeping a foothold here just in case. I have one friend who moved abroad but now realistically can’t afford to move back due to the cost of living here. I wish you all the best in your plans and keep us updated on any decisions ! It’s definitely something I may consider also down the line.

I agree, I doubt anywhere is a 'utopia' especially at the moment. However, some countries do seem to have more to offer than others, and if people wish to move to take advantage of that then good on them. Lots of people move to Australia from where I am, and I can see the attraction even though I've never been tempted myself.

I live in NZ in a small rural town. If you could see the number of people living here who have come from other countries you would be astounded, so there must be some sort of opportunities for them. Until recently nearly every GP I saw at my local surgery was from the UK. The young and educated have always moved overseas, it's not a new thing, and yes it is increasing but I'm sure we will cope.

Switzerland is a good example of how good emigration works. Some Brits, like my sister, go there, like Switzerland and the Swiss, adapt and become Swiss (even though not citizens) and stay. Others go and try to keep their British way of life, get irritated by Swiss ways and eventually leave.
The sad difference in England is that we encourage immigrants to stay foreign and not adapt nor assimilate. They stay happily in their ghettos and gradually make us adapt to them. It works for a while, but is leading to a lot of ill-feeling and conflict.

@Merlin3189 I agree with your post about the Swiss way of things. But is there any way that the UK could adopt their approach?

I moved to Ireland in 2016. My house in London had been burgled (a nice safe area 🙄), I was caught up in a bomb hoax in Trafalgar Square … I didn’t feel safe anymore with my young children. I live on an island off the west coast. We have a healthy, outdoor life near the beach now. The infrastructure of the country is by no means perfect, it rains a lot … but it’s an hour to Stansted and I don’t need to lock my front door.