To not want to move in with partner

[SameOldMe]

I have 3 children from a previous relationship, live in a council house and I work full time so I'm independent (with help from universal credit).
New partner wants me to move into his house and give up the council house.
The problem is that I would then lose my UC so he would be financially responsible for children that are not his.
i would have no security as I've given up my home, and would need to rely on him financially.
My house is small and don't have the space for him to move in.
Am I unreasonable to not move in and stay in relationship where we live separately? We holiday together and do a lot together.

I do get this, I'm used to being independent and really wouldn't want to ask for money when I have my own. Plus I like my own company own space.

Keep your council house that's a secure safety net for you and your children.

You have plenty of time once the kids have grown up - I personally wouldn’t impose a man that wasn’t related to my kids on them but each to their own.

This. You’d be crazy to move in with him, or have him move in with you. Also, you simply don’t want to, which is enough reason.

Plus I’d be very surprised if your children were thrilled at the idea.

Absolutely do not give up your council house or your independence. It would be really foolish and you wouldn’t be able to get back into the same position again.

You could always ask him to move in once the children have left home.

If he wants you to make that kind of a move, he can buy a 4 bed house for you all and name you on the deeds. Otherwise, not a chance. You would be endangering your children's security

There are ways that your financial security could be obtained: get married plus he puts you on the deeds of the house.

However, I agree with everyone that this can wait until the children are independent.

Exactly! Not a gamble I'd be prepared to take.

Could you register with homeswapper for something a bit bigger? I guess not many people are looking to downsize, but you could always keep an eye out and suggest to your partner that you’ll move in together when you find a suitable transfer?

To be fair the eldest two are close to finishing secondary school so really its not long until they will move out anyway.

How on earth do you know this?

Even if they move to uni for a couple of years, they may well want to return to what was once their home, given they'll still be young.

Don't move. You can revisit the situation when your DC are older and have left home.

If you did move in with him, he would be able to kick you out with no notice whatsoever. And you would have no rights.

And bugger having someone potentially having that hold over you.

Are you married? If not, he's not long term committed.

No never do this

to lose life rights to low secure forever rent with 3 kids

how long have you been together

You would be mad contemplating giving up your house and your children being at the mercy of someone else, and his income will effect their uni entitlements etc. If things go south, he won’t lose anything, you and your children will lose everything. The priority must be your children. Hell would freeze over before I did this.

No not married- he has spoken about marriage but i don't want to marry someone who i have never lived with, catch 22 i guess

My sisters went to uni and never came home, they went on shared houses with friends so i just figured this was normal. I didn't go to uni but still moved into a house share the second i turned 18

Not a bad idea but I wouldn't be entitled to more bedrooms, hence why i moved into the dining room. My middle daughter has complex needs and cannot share a room

I think this is crazy that everyone says don't do it. This is the man you want to be with forever. You want to live with him. He can afford for that to happen. You are financially independent anyway. You just need to list the pros and cons and decide what plan has most pros.
I know so many people in relationships who keep situations like this going because of their UC.
Surely if as a couple you can afford to live without UC, it should be there for people who cannot afford to live.

Why on earth should the taxpayer be expected to subsidise that arrangement?

Poor kids. Don't inflict that on them. They need their space, you can live together later.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how someone ends up either stuck in an unhappy relationship because they can’t afford to leave, or homeless and poor.

I don’t think I would do it OP. You’d be giving up a stable home to then be at the mercy of a man who could decide in 2 weeks time that actually the reality of living with 3 kids including one with complex needs isn’t very fun after all and wants you all out. If it was just you then I’d say go for it, but with 3 children involved I wouldn’t.

I’d also look at the financial impact, would you still be able to be financially independent if you didn’t get UC top up? Because you’d likely lose that if you moved in with him so you’d be worse off financially. Also as others have said if you have children going to uni and you live with him then his income would he factored into their eligibility.

How long have you been together @SameOldMe

Don't do it. Definitely not. Your kids come first, they are safe and have security where you are.