To not allow my DD15 to have a sleepover at BF’s

[Alwaysmoremonththanwages]

My DD has been with her BF for 18 months, he is 16 and has just left school. We are open and I know that they are sleeping together and she is on contraception accordingly. She has been asking for some time now to sleepover at the Bf’s parents, they are open to this scenario. My Dd says all her friends who are in long term relationships are allowed to have sleepovers with their BF’s at the same age. I do know of one friend who is definitely allowed to do this. For context we do not have the space for the BF to stay here as my DD shares a bedroom so the sleepover could only happen at the BF’s where they have ample space. Please help me settle the argument as I think I shouldn’t allow this until she turns 16 in April.

She is 15. She is still legally a child.
If you cant stop her having sex thats one thing. But actually enabling and encouraging a child to gave sex is another.
There is a legal.age of consent for a reason

No, children shouldn't be having sex at sleepovers.

It’s a difficult one as you already know she is sexually a hive and is taking preventative measures. They are doing it anyway regardless of the fact of if you let them stay at his.
I don’t know what I’d do/say in all
honeatly but it feels like horse and bolted if im
ho eat. However, she is 15 so you can’t be complicit.

I think YANBU given her age

You are doing the right thing. It’s one thing to just accept that kids will do stuff and make sure she’s safe it’s completely another to enable underage sex. I think it’s important that parents send out the right signals.

To be honest, what's the difference between day time sex and night time sex? How comes you're OK with it in the day but not overnight?

She is a child of 15, absolutely not.

Theres a difference between acknowledging your kids may do things you don’t approve of and therefore doing your best to protect their health and wellbeing and outright helping them to do those things,

I love my DD, over my dead body would there be any sleepovers.

This. My mother wouldn't have tolerated this when I was 18. Her house etc.

Times have changed.

She's only just turned 15 really, no way!

I wouldn’t allow it and I’d point out that technically it is against the law for a 16 year old to have sex with an underage girl, im surprised his parents are okay with that.

To my mind, it's not just about the sex. It's about whether or not they develop an adult style relationship. At 15 you (OP) probably don't want them being joined at the hip and for that relationship to squeeze out other relationships, with friends, sports, family, hobbies. One sleepover won't do that but if they start to come as a pair to everything you might wish you'd not encouraged it.
I think I'd set a 'once a week in the holidays only' limit but I don't know.

So she is only 15 years old and 3 months if she isn’t 16 till next April? No I wouldn’t allow sleepovers as she is still a way off 16.

As she’s barely 15, I would say no.

Absolutely not. She is only just 15.

I think there needs to be further conversations about her being sexually active. Have they discussed as a couple what would happen if her contraception fails and she becomes pregnant whilst still at school and 15? Would she want to terminate or continue with the pregnancy? Does she know what options are available to her should she want an abortion and does she know the cut offs for medical vs surgical? Does she know what is involved in both options? As a girl having sex she will be the one to have to make these decisions, she will be the one to undergo the termination or pregnancy. When you play adult games, you sometimes have adult decisions to make.

Personally as she is not 16 and not even close to that I would not be allowing the sleepovers. She is underage legally so you can use that as a reason not to allow it. I would also be ensuring that he isn't her whole world and that she sees friends, spends time with her family and keeps up with any sports or hobbies. If he is going to college this relationship may not last so to protect her I would make sure she doesn't isolate herself. Realistically the odds of this going the distance are incredibly thin. Sad but true.

So she has been having sex since she was 14? When did it start, when she was 13 perhaps?

Whats the plan if she realises or feels in a few months, few years time that actually she didnt really consent or have the knowledge or ability to consent properly and has been being raped/assaulted all this time?

This would be a hard no for my children.

I never parented by committee though so wouldn't fall for the bollocks that every one else is allowed to

Of course the bf parents allow it, they don't have to deal with their kid getting pregnant nor probably do they want to deal with the sulking if they said no.

No I wouldn’t agree to this; it’s one thing accepting she’s having sex but it’s another to actively provide that environment.

I agree with a PP that this is too much of an adult style relationship. They’re having sex, OK, that horse has bolted, but there’s a difference between a sneaky quicky whilst parents aren’t around (which is an extension of getting off with each other), and actually sharing a bed and spending the whole night together. The latter is a lot more intimate. Seems like too much too young. I’d stand firm until she’s 16, at the youngest.

Omg THIS. Every single word of this. OP take note

I think you should look at it in a different way, shes respected you by not going behind your back and waiting until you say its okay to sleep there. Day sex is the same as night sex, and it was brave of her to open up to you about them having sex now its backfired on your daughter whos not allowed a sleepover because she's sexually active, as long as shes safe and happy within that relationship thats all that matters here

She’s only just turned 15 so she’s probably been having sex since she was 14. This isn’t unusual, but it’s also not normal. I’d be concerned she’s prioritising her sexual relationship over her friendships, extracurriculars and studying and it sounds like you’re encouraging the relationship to be serious. I think overnights only once she’s left school.