To not allow my DD15 to have a sleepover at BF’s

[Alwaysmoremonththanwages]

My DD has been with her BF for 18 months, he is 16 and has just left school. We are open and I know that they are sleeping together and she is on contraception accordingly. She has been asking for some time now to sleepover at the Bf’s parents, they are open to this scenario. My Dd says all her friends who are in long term relationships are allowed to have sleepovers with their BF’s at the same age. I do know of one friend who is definitely allowed to do this. For context we do not have the space for the BF to stay here as my DD shares a bedroom so the sleepover could only happen at the BF’s where they have ample space. Please help me settle the argument as I think I shouldn’t allow this until she turns 16 in April.

Where will they be having sex/what will/are they doing instead, would be my worry. If you know they’re having sex surely you’d prefer them to be safe. I agree it’s against the law but safety comes first imho.

They are having sex somewhere and I took the attitude that it was better if they were in a safe environment - not in the park or a shop doorway.

Utter rubbish. She is a child. It’s not cool and progressive to allow your children to be having sex.

No from me if under age of consent

What the fuck

They've been together 18 months and she's told you she's already having safe sex. What's the difference if she now sleeps over.
It's it safer that she would be having sex in a safe, clean environment, she's doing it somewhere regardless.

No absolutely not you cant stop kids having sex but I wouldn't be making it easy for them. What shes saying about her friends is likely bullshit. And a sleep over is just the start then before you know it shes sleeping over multiple times a week and before you know it their basically living together. Someone I know let their kid have sleepovers with their boyfriend from 14 and they would often post photos of themselves cuddled up in bed together on social media it just looked so wrong and really crappy parenting. That relationship obviously didn't last and shes a pretty screwed up young adult. Its like because she was encouraged to grow up to fast she had nowhere left to progress to. So by the time she was 16 she had already been having sleepovers with boyfriends for 2 years so it wasnt exciting any more so as soon as she was 16 she moved out with a bf it was such an abusive relationship then obviously she wanted kids as that was the next step along shes now a 20 year old single mum to 2 struggles with mental health, self harm and is just really unhappy. I just feel if everything had been delayed 4 or 5 more years she would of had the emotional and mental capacity to have made different decisions. Im not saying something like this will happen with your daughter but people naturally want to progress with their lives but the younger you start it the younger you are to move to the next step. I dont know if my post makes any sense I know what im trying to say but im struggling to write it down and explain it

No he wouldn't

Ideally I’d say no sleepovers until she is 18 but given how long they have been together I’d say 16 when it’s at least legal. It’s no longer about them having sex it’s about keeping the relationship from becoming more adult than it already has. Sharing a bed brings a new level of intimacy and if it develops to her staying several times a week you have a semi living together situation.

id be clear it can happen when she’s 16.

I duno it's a bit tricky because you know that they're sleeping together. It's almost like by saying no to the sleep over but not being unsupportive of that fact they're sleeping together you're saying "yes you can have sex but I'd rather it would be in a field or something"

Condoning sex at 15 is different from ensuring contraception is used to avoid pregnancy. Allowing sleepovers adds a layer of agreement that this is acceptable, which it’s not. It’s illegal.

Also, sleeping over is a bit like playing at living together and makes the relationship more intense which it shouldn’t really be at 15.

Stick to your guns @Alwaysmoremonththanwages I wasn’t allowed to sleep with a partner in my parents house until we were married!

this first reply said it all.

She’s 15 and a child. The answer is obviously no, and no further discussion

@beingamumishard it isn't about the sex, it is about the relationship and it aping an adult relationship where they get to sleep together in the same bed. This girl is in year 10, sleeping over encourages more sex, not less. She has just turned 15. I completely agree with @fourelementary post.

I keep saying this on here, when Ds was in year 10 a girl got pregnant, declared it was the best thing to ever happen to her and kept the baby. The Dad was a stunned year 9 boy, their birthdays were only months apart. Every cocky loud mouth boy in year 10 who was boasting about being sexually active suddenly realised they had no control over whether they became a Dad before getting their GCSEs.

The OP has a DD, have they even discussed pregnancy? STIs? Most parents just cover consent and contraception. Rarely does anyone address the failure of said contraception and considering how many grown women on here post about having an unplanned pregnancy, teens are also going to fuck it up too.

@IamnotSethRogan there is always this suggestion that no sleepover means sex in park or field. I was having sex at 16 at my boyfriend's house and no sleepovers. Today, with cameras on phones and instant sharing I think a lot of girls would think twice about being somewhere they could not only be found, but filmed, shared, shamed, labelled.

Shes just turned 15 it encourages adult like sleepovers. Whilst you can't stop them having sex you can put a clear boundaries in place. Sleepovers when others are in bed can lead to additional pressure to do other stuff and potentially put her in a situation she uncomfortable with or not safe. We shouldn't be encouraging young children to have adult relationships at this age. Please step in and put a stop to this. His parents seem rather relax on the whole thing.

Stop talking crap
it's not statutory rape as that doesn't exist.in UK it's sex with a minor ,but he's 16 and she's 15 so the police ar e highly unlikely to prosecute unless there is reason to believe she was coerced.

Maybe so, but if I was that boy's parents, I wouldn't want him risking it.

I can't believe this woman is encouraging her daughter to have a sexual relationship when she's only just fifteen. My mum would have put a stop to it. There hasn't been a single word on this thread from the mother about emotional maturity, which she clearly doesn't have as she's only fifteen.

I agree with most posters that enabling sex to happen is entirely different to just knowing it's happening regardless of your approval. By allowing the sleepover - you would be showing your child that illegal activity is ok - it isn't.
Also I'm astonished that the BF parents are cool with it - if things go wrong - they have an argument and your daughter accuses him of assault he will be charged - so allowing the sleepover puts him at risk too.
If I had a son I wouldn't be allowing an underage GF to sleepover to protect HIM

Just because "all her friends are doing it" doesn't make it ok.

There is absolutely no way I would be ok with this. I have a DD of a similar age and she has a bf as do lots of her friends. None of them are having sleepovers in couples and as far as I know (and I really have no reason not to believe dd) they are not yet having sex either. It's all very tame so far.

Clearly this will all come in the next year or so but I do feel there is a huge difference in school leaver to someone only in year 10 and not yet 16. He could be nearly 17 to her only just 15, and this clearly makes her more vulnerable in that relationship.

I would not want to place DD in the position of any increased vulnerability by being away from home, in his house and without us to call on. Coercion, peer pressure and pushing boundaries are all a risk in that scenario.

I'd personally be urging caution re the sexual activity & contraception at such a young age too.

It may not be unheard of at just 15, but it's also not the majority experience and it's absolutely not something that should happen with adult facilitation and no raising of concerns.

Statutory rape doesnt exist in the UK?
Under which jurisdiction? England & Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland? There is no such thing as UK law.

There are several statutes that forbid sexual activity with those under 16 and breach of those statues means rape has been committed by the definition of the statute. In other words statutory rape. Although the term isn't widely used.

Wannabe lawyers are so funny.

It’s illegal and it’s worrying that the parents, especially his are ok with that. The age of consent is there for a reason and shouldn’t be ignored just because teenagers don’t want to follow it. How far would you let that line be crossed before it becomes a problem… If not 15 and 16 is 15 and 17 okay, or 18.
If I were this boys parents I wouldn’t be encouraging sex with someone under the age of consent and I’d point out that it is illegal. I 100% wouldn’t want my daughter staying in a house with anyone this stupid either.

This. I have much younger kids but the friends with teens wouldn’t allow this. In fact most of their kids are not even in relationships and far too busy with school, activities and friends. And it’s a joke that you think a 13.5 starting a relationship is a good idea.