Thank you for all your responses.
To answer some of the points some of you have made.
Yes I have specifically asked for them to visit and expressed that I can’t wait for my SIL (auntie x) and baby to meet my baby. Was asked if a Sunday is okay. I specifically said of course I will be in 100% but they didn’t turn up. No message to say baby isn’t too good or something has come up. My toddler is obsessed with her uncle and new baby and waited at the window with every car that came down the street. But was a no show.
I have messaged SIL before asking how her and baby are, which have all been read and no responses received but I understand people forget to reply so didn’t think much of it and just checked in with the BIL when on the phone to the OH. The BIL said she is good and I did say if she needs anything to give me a ring or text. I’m always happy to help.
Yes I understand they moved house and always said once your all settled, and I’m on my feet properly you can come and visit baby and was always told yeah we will. They have been fully settled but every invitation got brushed off with a ‘yeah we will’.
For whoever it was who remarked I’ve been a first time mum before and two is easier than one! Maybe it was easy for you….but in my eyes two is most certainly not a breeze and is much harder than one baby! Just because you found it easier doesn’t mean I have. The remark is like telling a new mum to sleep when baby sleeps…this is impossible unless you don’t need to make bottles or wash the soiled baby vests and baby grows! Sometimes you get them to sleep and is all you want to do is cry because you’ve been up every 3 hours or now at 4 months every five hours! I had a c section, was put to sleep for 6 hours after due to severe complications (which is still don’t know what happened but waiting for my debrief) was unable to pick anything up for 8 weeks that wasn’t my baby. Unable to walk up right for around 8 weeks. And within these 8 weeks my OH was helping the BIL and SIL move house. Which is fine they needed the help and I had my sister and mum step in and helping me with the house, baby, toddler and hospital visits etc.
The SIL and myself were really excited to the girls being born throughout the pregnancy. We messaged throughout and I was expecting her to share her joy in my girl being born as I did with her. (I have nieces that are born within months who are really close from being born and only wanted this for our girls, there is nothing wrong with that and with how the SIL was throughout the pregnancy and when I visited, I thought it would happen).
In regards to the social media, both BIL & SIL posting days out since moved home which they have drove to get to. I only thought they would have made the effort to share joy of a new baby. I have removed them from my social media because everything I was seeing upset me. I am a new mum too and since removing them I don’t have to see the lies and no longer will upset me.
I am sensitive and from what most of you have said ‘taken it personally’ but think of how you would feel if you made an effort to see your OH baby niece and your BIL & SIL didn’t make/show the same effort for you 14 weeks after you have your baby (18 weeks after they had their baby). I wasn’t expecting them to fly down as I knew they had a move and new baby but once they had all settled, I invited them. Yes the BIL called in for 5 minutes twice, first time because he was in the area and second to pick up a bike that my OH picked up for him from around our area, yeah he has done the right thing and said he would bring his baby and OH to meet her. But this still hasn’t happened.
In regards to the christening, they are not religious at all so believe this is for other reasons. I have declined god mother duties as I haven’t seen or heard from the SIL since a two weeks before I had my baby baring in mind I have messaged and not had any response…I have also not seen my OHs niece since a week before I had my baby… so don’t believe i can be the godmother to a child I will not know. And before you all say but it’s your fault…no it isn’t my fault, the relationship could have been strong but it has to work both ways. I am more than happy to travel 24 miles and make the effort but when that effort can’t be reciprocated it shouldn’t be for me to do the travelling with two kids because I have a new baby too. I have a little girl who throws up every time we have travelled there but it’s something we have to put up with and have done.
@BebeBelle Thank you. The christening hasn’t been yet but I’m going to sit this one out still. My OH is fine with going by himself and won’t be attending the after party (piss up most likely) as he doesn’t drink and wants to come home to his family. My OH understands why I am upset and he has seen the lies of how ‘busy’ they was after the move but just says it will be their loss down the line. He is equally annoyed but more at his brother for not making an effort considering everything he has done from the minute his SIL went into labour. (He’s helped his brother with money when he was in the hospital having baby for bills as his brother is self employed, helped him move, picked up his SILs orders that were purchased near us which he paid in cash, took them up to their new house in his van, then his brother was stressing over bills with losing money with moving house so helped him with money again which within days of giving him money for bills his brother then said they was having the christening so my OH thinks he’s pretty much paid for the christening instead of bills rent etc)
I have no idea why the SIL was bidding/buying mirrors, side units from near us when they don’t have a van to collect but then was asking the OH to pay cash and when he took it to the new house, she stays upstairs with the baby but then within this time she’s posting story work out pictures, didn’t thank him for spending hours going getting them and taking them to them or anything.
The OH is genuinely flabbergasted with everything to he’s done for them both and how his SIL has been since.
I don’t live in a nicer area so it is rather weird as I wouldn’t buy something from somewhere miles away without asking before hand if that person can do me a favour, I wouldn’t just assume it’s a yeah when that person has a new baby too so is just as busy with work and family. I am not a judgmental person at all, I’m just quiet and very family orientated but my cards are to my chest and will just get on with my own family life now.
My girls have lots of older cousins and my own cousins kids around them so will not lose out or need anything.
I know my feelings are not unjustified, I feel how I feel…I just wanted to know if anyone else would feel the same way.
thanks again