Ex being difficult about me seeing our child when he is in work

[Doolallyally]

Ex works long hours, he will be remaining in the family home and I’ll be living a few miles away. Ex has a bee in his bonnet about the fact that I’m claiming child benefit for our oldest. He now has an issue with me seeing DS when he’s in work (DS coming to me) He says I’m trying to deceive him and taking his son away from him by him being with me when he’s in work??
He was so reasonable in the beginning but the mask is now slipping. He knows he can use our son against me as our son loves the family home. He’s asked our son what it is that he wants but where does that leave me?
The agreement was 50/50 and obviously when one is working and the other off then DS would be with the other parent. Now he’s got an issue with me seeing DS when he’s working! WTF!
He says he’s old enough to sit in the house on his own after school until 8pm. (He’s 13) Yes he is occasionally but I’ll need to see him too. Hes being very difficult already and it gives me a bad feeling.

Reposted here for more traffic.

I don't think I'd picked up there was a younger dc as well. This is all very complicated

Why?

2 children-one 13 year old and one 9 year old.

Just because one of you is at work doesn’t mean that is a day for the other one. You allocate/decide which days are which and on your days if you are working then you sort out your own childcare arrangements.

So for example if dad’s days are agreed to be Mon Tues Wed and he is working those days that’s for him to figure out childcare- although at 13 he doesn’t need childcare and can just stay home alone.

If you have 50/50 nobody is making it difficult to see your son. I could understand if you only saw your son every other weekend and he wouldn't let you see him a bit extra but this is the reality of being split from the other parent, on his 50% he gets to decide childcare arrangements and on your 50% you get to decide.

I feel so sorry for children caught up in these awful 50/50 situations. It's imposing a transient lifestyle on the child, & the effects of that can be very damaging.

this gets even worse, why does he want 50/50 care of the 13 year old, but not the 9 year old?

No if your ex is at work it doesn't 'automatically' become your day. You agree set days and those are the days.

Ok so hold on you have current 'custody' of one child each? You moved out with the 9 yr old and your ex stayed in the family home with the 13 year old? And you do not work, your ex does and somehow you are doing some weird 50/50 custody stuff?

Because there can't have been any abuse or violence or you wouldn't have left DC there so why would you move away from DC? You'd be seeing more of DC if you lived there and now you're presumably crashing somewhere until a council place comes up, which is presumably less favourable.

We have shared custody of both children, I will end up having our youngest child more (60/70) primarily because he cannot be left alone and because of Ex’s shift work - oldest could have the option to say overnight with Dad and get himself ready for school in the morning if he wants to. Youngest needs constant supervision.

It doesnt sound like dad can offer 50 50.

Especially not to the youngest. Why have you agreed to it?

He needs to change his work so he can make clear arrangements if he wants to put 50 50 in place. That will be difficult of course. But divorce is difficult.

So I listed myself as primary carer of both children as one I’ll have 60-70%of the time and teen 50% of the time. I have always claimed the child benefit and if ex had primary carer status I would lose £400 per month in universal credit. Who should claim PC status of our oldest?

Are you sure you’d lose the whole amount. I think you need to go back into the benefits calculator and work it all out based on what you’ve put above.

He’s not putting DS first.

My DSIS and her XH did “week about” 50/50. On the weeks her DD was sleeping/living at her dads, she would often pop into her wfh mums house on the way home from school for a couple of hours. Her father was cool with this as he just wanted my DN to be happy.

Are you sure you’d lose the whole amount. I think you need to go back into the benefits calculator and work it all out based on what you’ve put above

Yes of course she would. Only the primary carer can claim and only one parent can be primary carer