AIBU to still be upset that my birthday night out was a bit ruined?

[Lilcrazyop]

Hi all. My birthday was 2 weeks ago and I had a night out. For the most part it went well but my mood wasn’t there if that makes sense. I had a big knockback the week before and it really put me in a terrible mood that I couldn’t really shake. Something else happened with someone I really care about that left me reeling that night. In the moment I felt thrown away like trash and not good enough. AIBU to still feel sad that my birthday night felt ruined to me? I know I should have not got myself so worked up and should have tried harder to put that knock back to the back of my head. I look back at the photos and videos of that night especially as I film content and I can’t help thinking I was and looked happier last year. I can see the way I was in the videos that I wasn’t happy and I was trying to make myself happy. The past year or so I’ve had bad struggles and I really needed that night to go well. Please talk some sense into me. I know this is first world problems compared to what others are going through.

It’s one night. Nothing to get worked up about, you can have another night out anytime you like!!

Hi Op, sounds like you’re going through a lot and put a big emphasis on this night to sort of prove to yourself that things are going better than they really are. Might be better to sit down and try to deal with the bad things that happened rather than trying to whitewash it all with a “successful” night out?

be kind to yourself x

Hi OP,

My dad died suddenly a few weeks before my 40th birthday. I spent the day deep in grief and shock. I say this as I’d really been looking forward to my birthday (I’m not a big birthday person) and had, rather unusually for me, planned some fun things. None of these things happened and I wanted the day to be over as soon as it started.

its a shame your night out wasn’t what you had planned but you’ll have plenty more hopefully.

Thanks so much. You’re right. I do tend to fixate on things to make up for shit I go through. I just feel so sad about it. I do think it stems from trauma and the trauma I’ve been through in recent years. I’m going to go back to therapy to work it out. Also I do think I’ve got a bit unhealthy attached to someone but I don’t want to give them up as they’re an amazing person in my life and an amazing support network

Exactly. Thanks so much. I’m going out this weekend but I’ve made a promise to myself not to get myself worked up

Aww I’m so sorry to hear that your dad died before your 40th that’s awful. I’m so sorry. I feel like birthdays and other special occasions are the worst times for horrible things like death of loved ones to occur. I see what you mean by wanting to get your birthday over and done with. Sending hugs your way. Thanks so much for your reply. Exactly there will hopefully be many more birthdays to come

Bump

you seem to have put too much weight into that one night, maybe built up to it and it didn't go well?; but life is for the moment only, (which by the way I understand but it is hard to learn to live this way, I admire those who can) and so all I can say is just keep moving forward, don't dwell on stuff. Any knocks just keep moving, you'll be ok.

Delete the video if it upsets you.

Thanks so much. Exactly I tend to do that is put too much emphasis on things working out and when they don’t I get really sad. I just can’t get what happened that night with a person I really care about out of my head

Either that or make up for it on another night out. I just felt like utter trash that night even though I was glammed up. I just felt at some points that he wanted to be elsewhere and not close to me but that’s probably in my head

Also, I think, op even if you do get worked up please don't be hard on yourself. It sounds like you have been going through a tough time. It's ok to not be able to suddenly switch on happy mode. Be kind to yourself and belated happy birthday 🍀

1. its ok to not be in the same place as you were last year. We all get older, it’s a fact of life and it’s unlikely you are going to look the same as you did a year later. Things will probably get worse as the years go on but looking older is absolutely ok and completely normal
2. Some people (I have, in my teens) celebrated birthdays less focused on one night and more over a weekend, week or even having a birthday month. It’s actually a good way to spread out the festivities. If you celebrate a birthday weekend rather than a night out, it makes it a bit less pressure on having that one night. You could try something fun for your OH or friendship group like a trip to the theater in another country or town? There is some good stuff on at the moment

Than

Sorry typo lol. Thanks so much. Exactly I’ll try not to be hard on myself

exactly. I wasn’t that sad about my looks but I get what you mean. Well I was a bit when that thing happened with a close friend that might. Also I love the idea of a birthday weekend ❤️

Massive drip feed: this lady is a married Christian with a child who was upset because her 'guyfriend' who she is infatuated with kissed another bird on the night out. She quite obviously wants to shag the new bloke and is jelly over him whilst she has a whole ass husband and child

About 6 weeks ago, I got made redundant 3 days before my 50th birthday. That certainly put a bit of a dampener on the celebrations, but a birthday is just a day. I’ll just have a better one next year (hopefully!) Best not to build high expectations when it comes to birthdays, some of them are awesome, some
a bit shit. But if you’re lucky, you get plenty of them!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5366538-my-head-is-a-mess-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do-aibu-to-think-like-this?postsby=Lilcrazyop

Op, it's not really fair to post this without the backstory.

Ills her religion really relevant here?

Hey I didn't bring it up previously, she did.

I cannot understand filming yourself on your birthday. I'm so out of touch.

Life ebbs and flows. Birthdays don't get better and better. Some are good, some are not.

I think that generally we need to stay away from over emotive language like "ruined" when something doesn't go exactly to plan. It makes things bigger than they really are.

Therapy sounds like a good idea.

Double posted by mistake