AIBU to feel taken advantage of by DH?

[MySillyCrab]

I got engaged to this nice fella a couple of years ago and he seemed like the perfect gentleman, good job with six figure income, very loving and loyal etc etc. He moved in to my house and we got the loft converted and things were working out perfectly. Unfortunately about a year ago his contract came to an end and he hasn’t worked since then, we got married a few weeks ago but now he just lies in bed smoking pot playing video games and “entertains” himself and refuses to get a job saying that anything less than six figures is below him. Im the only breadwinner now and I find this a little annoying. Am I being unreasonable to think he should just take something less lucrative to keep him ticking over for the moment?

Exactly my thinking.

What happened when you told him to shape up or ship out?

He probably massively exaggerated his income. He doesn’t have to work now as he has you to support him.
honestly I would end the relationship or at the least give some serious ultimatums and a time frame to complete them in.

Ha, yeah, I used to be a pot smoking bum and now I earn over six figures.. interestingly, there is a twenty year gap between those too states of being, where I changed from one person, into a completely different person.

Divorce ASAP before he can take too much of your house and pension!

Yes, the sooner the better to save some of your house

Oh my.
Sounds like a pretty serious conversation is needed which includes the words lazy, work, income and divorce.

Honestly, I couldn’t make it up.

Yet, you're on Mumsnet acting being incredulous about this man, not chucking him out and planning to see a solicitor!

Does he still have his house his family bought him?

Divorce, or even annulment as I hope you haven't shagged this wanking loser!

Don't even discuss it or give ultimatums. Divorce right now whilst you've only been married for weeks. When someone shows you who they are ... BELIEVE THEM!!!!

(please note I'm not even asking about what is happening to the house he owns or why he can't rent it out and contribute that money because frankly I'm not interested as it's all distraction from the main theme which is ... get rid, get rid, get rid as even if you do get him to buck up for a while he will revert at any opportunity)

You married some fella "to have a dance with"???

Yeah right, you jumped the shark there. 🙄

What a nightmare for you! Get yourself to a solicitors ASAP and explain the situation, the sooner the better if you don't want him taking half your house.
Good luck...

Come on, OP, get him out of your home. Tell him he clearly has enough money to get himself somewhere, so time to go and do just that.

If he’s behaving like a teenager, treat him like one…. Change the Wi-Fi password, don’t cook for him or buy food for the house, don’t do his laundry, and do not give him a penny. Would you give a 16yr old cash if you knew they were spending it on weed and takeaways?
basically - smoke him out! Do get cracking with divorce though to protect your house.

Does that work these days? And no I am not meaning the divorce bit

Wow. You’ve been utterly, utterly conned.

I’m kind of devastated for you that you married this guy. It will, sadly, cost you to get him out. But get him out you must. Losing money is infinitely preferable than what will happen if you don’t.

Who paid for the wedding out of interest?

What happened to his house? Who is paying for it now or did he sell it or what?

.

Yes, a marriage is still voidable if you've not had sex since you got married.

"it was not consummated - you have not had sexual intercourse with the person you married since the wedding"
https://www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage#:~:text=it%20was%20not%20consummated

Anyone smoking drugs is a dead giveaway as a loser and should be avoided. They will never be a decent person so ditch him asap. They are quite happily supporting criminal networks that cause massive crime including many murders, a few of which have involved young children in this country. Just avoid them.
Every woman I know with man issues has a man that thinks it's ok taking drugs.... it tells you all you need to know about them.

Make sure your finances are separate. If they are not, this needs to be a priority. Make sure he has no access to your money. Call a solicitor ASAP to start the divorce proceedings / annulment.

He has very little regard for you, I'm sorry to say, given your updates on his attitude towards what you are contributing to his new lifestyle.

People always pretend to be nice, gentlemanly, etc. That's easy. The mask has now slipped. Are you in love with the lout taking up your bed all day and smoking weed in your house? That's the real man he is, right there.

Get divorced really, really quickly before he takes half your house and pension.