AIBU to feel taken advantage of by DH?

[MySillyCrab]

I got engaged to this nice fella a couple of years ago and he seemed like the perfect gentleman, good job with six figure income, very loving and loyal etc etc. He moved in to my house and we got the loft converted and things were working out perfectly. Unfortunately about a year ago his contract came to an end and he hasn’t worked since then, we got married a few weeks ago but now he just lies in bed smoking pot playing video games and “entertains” himself and refuses to get a job saying that anything less than six figures is below him. Im the only breadwinner now and I find this a little annoying. Am I being unreasonable to think he should just take something less lucrative to keep him ticking over for the moment?

It’s only been a few weeks. You need to file for divorce asap so he can’t get half your house!! Tell him you’re filing for divorce this week, maybe he will find a sub six figure job more appealing when he doesn’t have a wife funding him.

Men on 6 figures don't usually give it up so easily to sponge off someone else. Did he own property, what has he done with his money. Definitely kick him out if he has no claims on your house.

The opening sentence seems weird to me....

'I got engaged to this nice fella a couple of years ago'

People don't just get engaged to 'nice fellas'. You don't seem to talk about him as though he's someone you've known a long time and who you deeply love. More like some random 'nice man' you are acquainted with socially.

How long were you dating for before getting engaged? Your mistake was to marry someone (if this is even true) who has been bumming around your house for best part of a year. Ultimatum time. Get a job (anything reasonable) soon, or the marriage is over. Did he contribute to the loft conversion? Has he amassed decent savings to be able to pay his way while he's out of work?

The longer you’re married the more you have to split. Get rid now.

Your first paragraph was exactly what I was thinking as I read this. It’s a rather unusual way to talk about your husband.

OP, it doesn’t sound like you particularly want to be with this person. So, don’t be.

Agree with PPs: you don't talk about him like he's a real person. He's a nice fella, he seemed decent, he earned a load of money.

You talk about him like a commodity. This can of coke is 330ml and is cold -- just perfect! As a commodity, he is a pretty shit one so just get rid. Doesn't sound like you would be any more distressed by that than throwing away said can of coke.

Thinking about potential partners in this way, though, will not lead anywhere good.

Get divorced quickly, at least you’ll then have half a chance of keeping your house with such a short marriage.

Agreed.

OP if you divorce sooner there’s a chance you can leave the marriage with what you came with. A short marriage

Was he really earning 6 figures before?

This was my first thought.

Morning all,
Just to clear a few things up:
Never actually saw a payslip – he loved to go on about his “six-figure income” but I’ve no proof it ever existed.
He had his own house, but the large deposit was a gift from his elderly parents.
I paid for the loft conversion out of my own pocket. He just swanned around acting like it was his idea and his money.

I feel very silly now writing it down

Oh god OP so sorry you've been duped.

I would start by demanding to see his finances. Has be been contributing at all since he "lost his job"?

Who gets married with zero visibility on finances? Marriage = financial and legal contract.

Get out now. Call to a solicitor this morning?

Cock lodging fantasist.

Dump his pathetic arse TODAY.

Mate! The shorter the marriage the better. Stick a divorce petition in (assuming you have been married for a year) and get rid of this cocklodger.

He sounds like, what my parents would have called ‘a proper waster’.
OP, do you think that the ‘6 figures’ included the digits after the decimal point?
I ask as going from his professional job to pot smoking lie-abed status is not normal, unless he’s had a full blown breakdown. Your post doesn't read as if he has. Just he’s lazy and you have been played.

I think he might be after your home my lovely. Have a chat with a solicitor type. You are entitled to 30 mins free advice. Go with a list of bullet points to help stay on track.
Also. What happened to his house? If it’s sold, what did he do with the money? You are married and this is pertinent information.

You married a bloody leech!

What has happened to his house now? Can he go back and live in it?

This can’t be real. If it is - chuck him out and get a divorce FFS.

Its a short marriage. The court will put you both in the positions you were prior to the marriage so if you start proceedings now he should get nothing.

Go see a solicitor now, he has conned you.

For those wondering if this is actually real, sadly, yes.
All I wanted was a bit of love and someone to have a dance with 💃
What I ended up with was a DH who lounges around all day smoking weed, glued to Zelda, and sending cringey messages to my brother like “My day rate > your day rate.” When he hasn’t worked in a year
Honestly, I couldn’t make it up.

So u see pound signs mention of six figure salary indicates this and u decided to marry and it back fired now the money is gone I have to decide to stay or leave

Well it depends when it is reversed we hear a million reasons why a woman iives of a man but i really cant see his good points so why on earth are you doing this to yourself

Go And see a solicitor and get divorced. This isn’t what you signed up for. A short marriage will work in your favour- get him out your life asap.