Teacher unfair to dd(9)

[foreverand]

Dd (9) is well behaved at school and preforming above targets. Quietly gets on with everything and never complains so is often forgotten about at school.

This year in particular she has been repeatedly used often under the guise of her being so kind and helpful to her expense.
Child who chats too much in lessons, gets moved next to dd. Bully who now doesn’t have any friends, put in dds group. Child who doesn’t do any work, gets paired with dd for partner project so she does it all on her own. Bullied child, dd gets taken off to play with them. Child sat on friendship bench, gets pointed out to dd. New child gets paired with dd then 3 months later new child who doesn’t speak English fluently again gets paired with dd who has to help translate for them while trying doing her own work. Need volunteers to stay in at break and help tidy/set up, ask dd. Someone has to have the old scribbled on book because they didn’t have enough new ones, give it to dd. You get the picture…

She was recently appointed cloakroom monitor, a role that she didn’t want or ask for.

Today a couple of known naughty kids were messing around in the cloakroom, going through someone else’s bag. They were being loud and nasty so dd pretended not to look at them. Another kid saw and told the teacher. Teacher asked dd if anything happened and she lied and said no.

She’s now got to miss 15 minutes of golden time friday along with the kids who actually did the messing around. She got a big speech from her teacher about how disappointed she is in her and how she expected better from her, the naughty kids no doubt didn’t get this speech.

Only time she’s ever been given a punishment through school and she’s completely devastated.

Obviously she’s shouldn’t have lied but being appointed class snitch is hard for an 9 year old.

I’m not being unreasonable to think this is absolutely unfair and her teacher is again taking advantage of her, am I? Surely never before causing any issue should count for something and she’s deserves a bit of understanding ?

I don’t want to to send her in Friday but dd wouldn’t want to do that but I can’t wait for this year to be over.

I was your DD years ago.

Please advocate for her, its awful when teachers do this to a child and its terrible for them socially.

I would get sat by a child in the hope I'd help them with their maths, or expected to watch out for & tell on misbehaving kids.

It was awful.

But to protect her for the future, teach her to say "i don't know" or "im not sure" if she doesn't want to snitch.

A teacher should not be making children snitch.

YANBU.

Speak to the teacher

So the teacher is basically using your poor DD as a dogs body and getting her to do jobs for her she should be doing?

I would be raising a complaint because that's disgraceful.
The punishment because she was scared to tell off others in a job she didn't want is abhorrent and Id be expecting an apology. The child who snitched on her is a little sneak as well what a nasty thing to do!

I would be so annoyed

I'd complain about the recent incident and also the repeated use of your DD through the year as support for so many children.

My DD1 was the sensible child who was seated with those who needed a good influence. I was up for her taking her turn, but would flag to a teacher if it seemed incessant. DD1 also had the confidence to move desk if her neighbour's behaviour was intolerable. It actually meant that she wasn't seated next to the worst behaved child as her teacher knew she wouldn't accept it.

Honestly what’s the point now? She’s gone 11 months without considering her once. Even if I could get the punishment taken away dd has already been hurt by the you’re a disappointment talk and being given the punishment anyway.

dd isn’t going to step a foot out of line for the rest of the year regardless and next year I just need to advocate for her and make sure that all of these optional you’re so kind and helpful tasks cannot be burdened to her

In this incident she did the wrong thing. I wouldn't complain but I would either email or ask to speak to the teacher and put across what you've said in your post. The teacher won't have realised , and it's good to have it drawn to their attention. I would welcome this as a teacher and I would learn from it. Sometimes we have these big expectations of children that aren't reasonable, but when you're surrounded by kids all day you forget!

That sounds like good advice @foreverand

That’s really shitty and I would be fuming, and would definitely contact the head. And I’m generally the type to keep quiet.

Of course she realised, she chose her repeatedly on purpose because she knew she wouldn’t complain.
Could you really use a child like this all year, completely fail to consider their needs or feelings ever but a parent saying hey you should think about how she feels would make you learn?

Please advocate for your child or teach her to do it for herself. This was my daughter in year 1 and 2, until she had a breakdown at the overwhelming pressure to be 'the good girl' 'the nice girl' 'the smart girl' and put up with all kinds of rubbish from other children without moaning. 1 day she got up and refused to go in, refused to eat, and it all came pouring out. I called the school and had a long chat about how much she was struggling. Her teacher wouldn't help, so I called the head who marched in and moved her to sit next to her friend, much to her teachers annoyance. And told my daughter if she gets moved away from her friend she was to let her know.

I think you tell the teacher what you’ve written in your op.
hopefully, teacher will learn and apologise to DD, but also teacher will pass this onto next years teacher who will ensure they don’t do the same thing

I would email the school and say that you don't want your DD being given any of these tasks - cloakroom monitor etc. - next year without being consulted, as you feel she's been unfairly burdened with them this year.

While the incident needed dealing with and the teacher needed to be spoken to, this child have been handled better. The teacher should have listened to your child. But equally the head teacher should have spoken to the teacher privately. She could have taken your child out of the lesson under the guise of being needed for something

While the incident needed dealing with and the teacher needed to be spoken to, this child have been handled better. The teacher should have listened to your child. But equally the head teacher should have spoken to the teacher privately. She could have taken your child out of the lesson under the guise of being needed for something

Hey- I'm not your child's teacher.

I'm simply saying you might repeatedly choose a child for these things because you think they're kind, compassionate, helpful and nice children. You might feel you can rely on them to help support a bullied child or a child who can't speak English. You might not think the child is unhappy, especially if they / their parent never tells you they are!

OP, I opened this thread ready to disagree with you, but you are spot on.

I have no idea what to do about it but I have a vast amount of sympathy for your daughter.

I'm sure the teacher didn't intend this but even so...

My advice is to speak the teacher directly and tell her that YOU are disappointed in HER because you expected better behaviour from your child's teacher. Tell her she's wrong to have burdened your 9 year old with a 'snitch' job and then lectured and punished her for not putting herself in the firing line for bullying by the two culprits. Tell her that unless she rescinds the unfair punishment, you'll be taking it further to the headteacher. (I'm a retired HT and a Mum & Granny and I'm angry on your daughter's behalf).

Even if the child seemed happy do you really think it’s fair for a grown women to repeatedly rely on a 9 year old girl to do their job for them?

I never said it was fair.
Your child won't be the only one who has done jobs across the year.
What did you want everyone on this thread to say 😂

I can see the same happening to dd, it’s horrible that the good children are essentially punished for being good.

im hoping she’ll have a better teacher next year, already he seems kinder and as if he actually liked and noticed her but I will be phoning up everyday if I have to to make she she isn’t burdened with anything she doesn’t ask for.

Nothing really I’m just upset that my child is upset and completely unable to understand the defending of the teacher right now

there’s been two new kids join the class this year, both paired with dd so no one else has done that job.

Oh dear, Friday Golden Time, it sounds very like my DS's school in Cornwall. They also used my friend's daughter in the same way. Complain but don't expect things to change much. Good children are often as a free TA.

You need to speak to the teacher. They need to know. Plus it may help for next year if the message gets passed on to the new teacher.