To holiday without DSS this year?

[mnforadvice]

I’m ready for a bashing, but would like to hear people’s opinions.

DSS 9, DD 2 and one due very soon. I suggested to DP about us going away to Canaries for October half term however when he mentioned this to ex she has said she is going to book a holiday closer to the time and once she has saved up for her and DSS. She is notorious for not following up with her plans.

AWBU to book a holiday out of school holidays for us and two little ones this year? We’d absolutely love to take DSS too but with only one week for October half term DP does not want him missing any time off school (attendance has been poor in past due to mum keeping him off for basically no reason in the past).

Due to my due date we can’t go abroad this summer however have a holiday to Cornwall booked with all 3 children.

I’ll be so annoyed if she doesn’t book anything in the end, but I have a feeling this is going to happen. For context, DSS has been abroad once before with us when I was pg with toddler. Mum has never taken him abroad but she has been on quite a few herself for hen dos or with partner and DSS has just stayed with us. I suppose we could just wait and see if she does book or not but I’d rather have something sorted and pay in instalments if possible.

Also, I’m not saying an abroad holiday is a must but he loved it last time and we’d really like to get away when the weather turns colder here!

This is at least the third thread today on the subject of I don’t want to take my step child or own child on holiday.

Everyone always says the same thing.

@Dontwanttobeanebsnamumis it? Sorry? I haven’t seen these?

But by the sounds of it she does want to take him, it's his mother who's being difficult. If DSS mother does book a holiday there's no problem. It's knowing whether or not she's going to.

True. But if Mum keeps if off at the drop of a hat then she is unlikely to book a holiday for October half term.

@AgnesX absolutely, we don’t want any of the children to miss out

Can you book for October half term, and then if DSS’s mum doesn’t end up booking a holiday for him, add him to the booking later on?

@BeliesBelief yes we could I guess, obviously if he couldn’t come though we wouldn’t have to be restricted to the more expensive and busier school holidays

Can dss bio mother pay half the cost of her son’s costs for the holiday. He’ll get a holiday but it will cost you more as it’s not in term time. Get the costs from her now so she can’t refuse to pay later on.

This is what my ex wanted to do re my eldest son who wasn’t his child. When he went on a school trip he persuaded me to go on a short break just us and DS2 who was a baby. Then he booked a surprise holiday for my 30th when DS1 would be with grandparents and said ‘you wouldn’t want to come would you’. I left him in the end, and main reason was the way he treated my son, it was clear he didn’t really want him around and that really hurt me.

@ButterCrackers I don’t think she’d want to or be able to do that, hence why she’s apparently waiting to save up to book the holiday she’s mentioned

Can you not book a last minute deal for all of you if mum decides they are not going away half term?

And just put the money you would spend on installments away each month between now and booking?

we had some amazing last minute deals years ago off teletext!

I wouldn't book a holiday without dss

You basically need to agree who is having him for half term and if you have him, you get written agreement to take him overseas and you book it.

Firm visitation and custody needs to be sorted, possibly with a view to dad becoming primary carer if mum is erratic and can't get him into school and dad thinks he can do better.

Whose half term is it with DSS?

That should govern who gets to take him on holiday.

If you don’t have formalised arrangements like this, you need to get them in place, to prevent any messing about!

It's not a good day for any stepkids wanting to go on holiday with their families today is it

@BallerinaRadio not sure what you mean? We want DSS to come with us as a family

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing it’s 50/50 normally, 2 nights in the week and EOW Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then holidays are just worked out, they co parent fairly well, and this hasn’t come up as an issue before.

@Whaleandsnail6 yes we could I guess, if mum does book one then I guess we could wait to go Feb half term instead. Our hope was to go when baby was not mobile hence trying to do something October instead.

The poor boy. Stuck between two selfish women who can only think of themselves.

Convenient excuse not to have him, isn't it.

That's horrible of him. Good for you for putting your son first and leaving.

I would give his mum a deadline - say she can decide by the end of this month if she's doing it and if she hasn't booked something by then, book a holiday yourself and take him. She can moan about it but it's not fair to your DSS that he misses out on a family holiday because she may or (most likely) may not take him. She doesn't have any more right to that week than you unless their custody arrangement says so.

When your elder child starts school, will you book holidays without him so you can take the younger one away during term time?

@ZoeCM of course not, that’s why I would like to book for us all as I don’t want DSS to miss out if his mum doesn’t book something.

@BeachPossum I think that sounds best to be fair, I’ll speak to DP and see about giving her a deadline

@Roomwithaview2019 I’m trying to sort something with him as a priority as I don’t want him missing out. If I was selfish I would have booked a holiday already