To say I couldn’t have been with someone whose salary didn’t allow me to take a year off?

[ForElatedSeal]

Whether it was for maternity leave, career transition, or just a break - financial breathing room has always been important to me in a partner. It’s not about laziness, it’s about life design.

AIBU to think compatibility includes financial vision, not just feelings?

Of course YANBU. Everyone has things that are important to them in relationships and if that’s one of yours, that’s fair enough. It would BU if you were expecting someone to change their opinion and / or financial situation to suit your expectations, but as long as you both have the same vision, I don’t see the problem.

Hi ChatGPT 👋

Why isn't your ambition to be able to have enough behind yourself so that you don't need to rely on a partner financially?

Would yours allow them to take a year off? And would you agree to it?

YANBU, What's important to you is your choice.
Do you have enough money so your partner could have a year off if needed?

If it's a discussion and not a demand, and you are prepared to reciprocate, sure.

Presumably your partner can also take a year off, on account of your earnings?

Depends would you allow them to do the samw while you worked? Why does your post sound like chatGPT?

Why not get your finances to a position where you can fund yourself for a year off if it is so important to you? After all you will also need to match his financial vision...

Well maybe better still somebody who earns enough for you not to work at all. But perhaps not reading some of the horror stories where people are left high and dry when their ex disappears into the sunset with their six figure salary.

Not unreasonable at all! I’m sure there are thousands of potential partners out there looking for someone just like you who expects them to finance a year of their life so they can have a rest.

You can choose not to be with someone for any reason you like.

😂😂

Does that mean that none of us single people deserve to do any of those things? Since we don't have a lovely partner to carry us for the duration?

Admittedly, I would have been heartbroken if I could not have taken a year or so maternity leave after the birth of each of our children. As a couple, we planned for it. I can’t imagine I would have procreated with a person who I didn’t plan this with. This is why it is important to get to know each other’s views/resources for big life decisions prior to getting pregnant.

I worked bloody hard to get a job where the maternity pay was good enough and my salary high enough and I had sufficient savings that I could have afforded the year off myself. Maybe instead of expecting a man to wholly support you for a year, you should do that?!

Or maybe instead you shouldn’t take a silly extreme position either way and realise that if you are having a child with someone you work this sort of thing out in the round, looking at both incomes and what you both want. Maybe the father of your children would like to spilt the year off nine months / three months for example.

But what about your own salary allowing you to take a year off?

Mine did for both my maternity leaves.

To be happy, you need to respect and love your partner. His bank balance is not important for many many many women, who save enough to take a year off if needed.
I do want a man who strives to provide indeed. But in the current situation, two wages are needed to have a decent live in most parts of UK. So, we have to be independant and team players. Both women and men. That is the reality of it.

Will you be happy for him to take a year off work? To find himself? In instagram influencer style?

Of course. It's your choice not to be with someone if their salary isn't high enough to bankroll you I guess. Just as long as you make this clear to them so they don't waste their time.

I had 16 weeks off on full pay for maternity leave.
(Back in the day) . So someone else funding me was not a question.
Up to you to get a job which has good mat pay . not just depend on your spouse.
But equally you can of course tell prospective partners that you expect them to fund a year off when you feel like it

You would expect to have a year off at someone else’s expense?

Myself and dh saved so I could take the year off. Team effort

Nothing in life is guaranteed. Friends dh was made redundant when she was pregnant

It's up to you but that doesn't seem a robust reason for a relationship tbh

Do you know, I love that idea.

Had a fairly boring work day today, going to tell my partner I’m taking the next 5 years off. Effective now. Can’t wait to see how hard he laughs.

Get some bloody independence 😂.

It’s not unreasonable if someone else’s money is an important factor to you. I do hope, however, that you’re prepared for the fact that your choices may attract the sort of partner who would have similar expectations for you?