To join a church when I’m not religious?

[lulugrape]

I think I just want to talk to people about this who don’t know me in real life at the moment because I feel too nervous to talk to anyone else yet.

Neither my husband nor I have local family and we’ve both struggled to make many parent friends for our daughter who is now one - we both have a couple of individual parent friends but nothing that could be considered a group. At the same time many of our friends before children have now drifted or aren’t local.

I grew up going to church and while neither me nor my husband are religious, now that we have a child, I really miss the welcoming church community and sense of having a neighbourhood and also tradition and history etc that comes with going to church. I feel very isolated and like our daughter is growing up without any real community around her or local network. I’m considering starting to bring my daughter to church on a Sunday in order to put down some roots and try and find somewhere welcoming and local.

I just wanted to discuss this with others online I guess. I think my husband might have some pushback in principle since we’re both firmly not religious. I wouldn’t be asking him to come with. Is it… ok to go to church even though not religious? I wouldn’t exactly be advertising this!

There are a lot of cultural Christians around who don't believe but enjoy the other aspects of church, including the liturgy and music and the social aspects.

I am a believer and go to church every week. One of the things I often ponder is how many centuries people have been coming together on a Sunday for church and how the music is often hundreds of years old (obviously depends on which kind of service you are at!) and that people over the centuries have been listening to the same music and saying the same prayers. This obviously applies to the longer established churches such as RC and CofE rather than the newer churches who might have completely new hymns and songs. I like the idea of being connected to people in the past too.

It's different in the newer types of churches but what's great is that there are types of churches to suit all tastes and again, even though the music is modern and the prayers might be slightly different and the order of service innovative etc, it's still coming from one source and connecting people.

You can talk to DH about it and say what you've said here about wanting to give your child the cultural tradition you were brought up with and be part of a community.

Also have a look at Sunday Assembly (MN wouldn't let me post the link but google it and you'll find it)

It's a secular association with Sunday morning assemblies where people meet, sing, listen to talks, get involved in projects, have coffee and cake together etc.

I’m autistic too- not an excuse to be a dick

Don’t believe in it? That’s fine. But don’t be an a hole to people that do.

Church isn't an exclusive club for believers. Of course there are plenty of people there who are believers but there are also people who are there because that's what they have always done on a Sunday and they have lots of friends there, or they are there because they want to be part of their local community and the church fits that, or they are there because they went to church as a child and they want there own child to have that experience.
OP, if you want to go to church, don't let others put you off.

Thanks for your comment, we were all just waiting for that, thanks.

Though plenty of churches, including mine, wouldn't know one end of a flower arrangement from the other these days. But if you can work a sound desk.....

There's a serious point though. Statistically the average churchgoer under fifty is much more likely to attend an urban non-denominational church where 90% of the congregation wouldn't know what All Things Bright & Beautiful was if it bit them on the bum. They also increasingly likely to be non-white, quite likely to be Londoners and fairly likely to be evangelical. The C of E is increasingly marginal in terms of people who actually go to church every Sunday.

All are welcome at church.

You could also look for or join a 'Sunday assembly'

I love this

Up to a point, Lord Copper.

What a silly thing to say to an atheist

I just worked this out and humans have been going to church for about 0.5% of our time inhabiting this planet. In fact humans were around 298,500 years before doing so

Depends on the area. Some church school admissions policies specify baptism, some ask for confirmation of regular attendance (and that probably varies on whether it's the parent or the child), some ask for both.

"Community" means different things to different churches. I have been to a few different local ones. At the Catholic Church, they have a small tea and biscuit break after Mass... and very few people spoke to me. The few children that were there just stayed in the same room, so no Sunday school for them. Admittedly, it is a very small church, so perhaps it's always been that way.

At the Mormon meeting hall, lots of people came over to talk to me. It is predominantly an older congregation, but the children that were there had gone off to their different classes (e.g. creche, Primary, etc.). The women of the church meet up and go out together regularly, and teens go to Mormon parties and (in bigger congregations) try out the equivalent of Mormon speed-dating. Admittedly, the Mormons are very eager to convert people.

The JW's have tried converting me, but I haven't been to their hall.

I've also been invited to go to the Open Brethren services, if anyone knows anything of them. There isn't much about them online or in books, so I'd be going into their services blind. Any advice would be much appreciated!

I'm not sure what it's like in your area, or what churches are available, but perhaps try a range of different churches and find your community that way.

Have you got a Women's Institute branch near you? The active ones would I think give you a similar sense of being part of something bigger in your local area with regular meetings & getting to know a range of people.

My branch has monthly meetings which are a mixture of craft, education or charity, as well as a spin out book club, supper club & knitting circle. And they do regular fundraising for a domestic violence shelter - I've found it to be a great way to build more of a network within my local community.

I know not all of the branches run in the same way, but might be worth exploring as it could give you some of the community you're looking for without having to worry about any sense of faith.

We would love to have you and people like you in our church. Nobody is questioned about how religious or otherwise they are and many are just testing the waters. Spirituality is just one part of it. The fellowship is just as important.
Go for it OP.

Depends what type of church OP. An Anglican church in an ancient stone church attracts what I'd say a 'lite' crowd. Yes they'll be some hardliners but most people don't discuss their religion, it's more restrained and private, as is the worship. You could easily join and never have to answer any questions about your faith.

But if you join a gospel kind of modern built church then you might have people asking you about your faith. It's much more overt. Those churches are good for community and they'll be younger families though.

If I wasn't religious I'd shop around some of the ancient churches to see where I'd fit in.

I’m pretty sure many people go to church for the friendship and community, rather than the religious aspect.

Our local church has groups most days, including a parent and child group. Everyone is welcome to these groups. No one asks you about religion.

I’m Catholic … but I tend to refer to myself as a “cultural Catholic”. I steward at church, and I like going, as it gives me a meditative hour, I like listening to the Homily as it gives me something to think about, I like feeling part of a community.

I think as long as you aren't a full atheist I think its a lovely idea

After moving back from abroad we found it hard to meet people. Went to the local church and they welcomed us with open arms. I’m not sure what I think about there being a big guy up there but I love being part of a warm friendly community and being involved in rhe mum’s groups, fetes, coffee mornings, services etc.

I grew up VERY Catholic but have been an atheist as long as I can remember. My kids went to CE primary. There’s are loads of young families in areas with church schools who are at church only for school admissions (we didn’t play that game) so you will find other non-believers who attend.

I totally understand the desire for community and the rhythm of liturgy - it’s a comforting, security blanket, a lot like Radio 4! Predictable, stable. I can’t believe but sometimes I yearn to just sit and be during a full service.

modern church services don’t give me the same comfort though

Of course! Churches form an important function in social connectivity. I’m sure half the people who go to church don’t really believe in a god, but it’s an important community hub, especially in isolated areas.

I go to the Catholic Cathedral in my city. It is more or less anonymous because its so big, and quite traditional. I can just sit there and 'be'. I even sometimes sneak my Rosary in and do it all just from memory! ! I have no belief in God anymore but I go through the motions. Its like a meditation!

Im not really religious. I joined my local church and have met some lovely friends and feel part of a community now. Nobody asks about how I feel about religion. They know I didn't grow up going to church. They're just happy to have me there. I'd say go for it!