aibu to despair— life is hopeless

[SaraCreweIRL]

I am 22, eldest child of 5, from a deprived area, born to a heroin-addict mother and living in a 2 bed flat. SS has only recently gotten involved because my aunt, grandma and I kind of kept everything together until then.

A new violent BF appeared on the scene for my mum in approx December, worse than she’s ever had. A month ago he beat up my mum and 16y/o brother, smashed 6 windows on our house and was out next day on bail (he is already out on bail for 4 violent offences as far as I know).
Mum will not cut ties or ask him to move out, she is smitten. My siblings have all rightfully been removed from the house now.

Throughout all of this there is no support for me, which I understand because I am an adult. Despite all of this I went to uni and got a 2:1 from a RG uni and then a postgrad in a career that’s supposedly desperately needed. I can’t find a job. I can’t move out. I have no support now as both grandma and aunt are in care-type facilities. I have no friends because they’re busy with their children and fiancés. I have no partner.

I did everything I should’ve and am still stuck in my horrible house, in a horrible area and no prospects. I have nothing.

I keep waiting for that better time to come but it just doesn’t. What on earth do I do? I’ve been waiting it out for 22 years and I just don’t know if I can any more.

So well done, very impressed at what you've achieved so far, and it's only the beginning. Neighbours son moved to New Zealand to teach 2 years ago, after a homesick few weeks he is absolutely loving it. You might look at international schools in Europe if you don't want to go so far.
You will get a job, and in time, the job you want. Supply meanwhile will be useful for references and experience.
No one with as much gumption as you have shown is going to do anything but succeed.

Could you go and be an au pair/ nanny for the summer? There must be people desperate for child care who’s snap up teacher . It’s not a long term plan but it gets you through the summer away from home.

What level and subject for teaching?
im always seeing recruitment drives for teaching so surely there must be jobs?

@SaraCreweIRL

At the moment you are tired to the bone, emotionally and physically. You have been doing your best to protect your siblings whilst doing your degree.
You really are an amazing person, I hope one day you can realise that.

I wonder if Womens Aid could give you some advice about somewhere to live and benefits you can access? You have been abused and you need some support.
I agree with suggestions about looking abroad and teaching English. My God daughter went to Madrid to teach English for a year. There are lots of opportunities.

Im an adoptive parent and have lots of friends with young adult children who have overcome very difficult backgrounds.
At the moment your exhaustion is speaking most loudly to you. But honestly it's not hopeless. You have great qualifications and amazing resilience. You have been and are still an incredibly strong person. Your siblings are safe, it's your turn now.
Best of luck to you

You are a young woman with a degree and no dependents.

There are many who would envy you.

Dont reject Teaching supply work. It will give you a glimpse into the many different education set-ups -its amazing how different schools can be. I worked in lots of different schools and learnt a lot then one day, after a month in a school, I was offered a permanent job there. I do not think I would ever have got it if I had gone to an interview.

@Iwanttoliveonamountain

She also has no supportive family, stable home base and presumably little or no money to get herself started.
I'm not sure many really would envy her

My heart goes out to you. So impressed with all you have done to set yourself up in these circumstances. What about a set up where you live with an elderly person and provide some care in exchange for your bed and board: https://www.shareandcare.co.uk/homeowners-homeshare/#

If you’re comfortable sharing your location (roughly) you might find Mumsnetters locally who can refer you to things near youX

Have you considered applying for a PhD with a stipend? Competitive but you've shown what you can achieve.

Get away and try and build a life wherever you go to.

It might be worth including your circumstances in your application. Widening access is mostly focused on undergrad but it's still a big part of the overall agenda for universities.

Sorry I missed your post grad qualification was teaching rather than a masters.

I live in north Scotland where getting seasonal workers is extremely hard. Many places offer live in because it's hard to get accommodation or to travel. Lots of hotels, caravan parks, fruit picking etc.

Or private schools require many levels of staff and working in a school environment would help you in future applications even if it isn't a teaching post.
Something like this for example. Free accommodation and earn £13k https://uk.indeed.com/m/viewjob?jk=bc9d63bca5ddd0a3&from=serp&mclk=default&xpse=SoCr67I3wzdxo-gx4j0LbzkdCdPP&xfps=7f632021-863c-42be-8c91-db6c5e85e6b0&xkcb=SoD_67M3wzd30b23VB0GbzkdCdPP

You may also want to consider where you move in terms of future affordability. Where I live you could buy a two bed flat in a nice village or small town for 80k. That's achievable as a secure home even on a single salary.

Hopefully you can get something that gets you out and allows you to save something so your choices are less limited but I don't underestimate how hard it is with nothing behind you.

There is always 2 ways of looking at a situation. I chose the positive one. She is free. She has no-one holding her back.
Time moves forwards not backwards.

What about being a live in nanny OP? For a bit I'm not saying that what you want to do forever but it sounds like you are good with children, probably very patient given everything you've been through. Might get you out the house and exposed to a family who are hopefully slightly less tricky than your own

Well done OP you are doing amazingly keep going it's going to work out for you you deserve it

I was going to suggest this too, definitely worth looking into. Good luck OP, something will.turn up, you sound amazing.

I'm sure it feels like you’re completely stuck right now OP, but it’s definitely temporary, and you’ve shown a lot of resilience already to achieve everything you have. Lots of good suggestions from previous posters for possible jobs to get you going.

I don’t know about your medical issue and whether that would prevent you joining up, but all three of the military Services have training officers, and you’re more than qualified. At least in the RAF that’s one of the professions that has a higher proportion of women than average.- about 35-40% of personnel officers are female.

Just wanted to add you sound bloody amazing. Exhausted but amazing. So many good suggestions here of thinking out of the box. Lots and lots of live in jobs are available that might help you get on your feet.

depending on your thoughts on life I’d also recommend getting plugged into a good church. They can signpost a lot of helpful things as well as maybe providing a supportive community.

Above all, good luck 👍

Job hunting is demoralising. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will get there.

Honestly, if you are not proud of yourself, I am so proud of you. You have faced so much adversity and look at all you have achieved.

OP afford to move out let some abroad..

people don't just have thousands spare for flights and accommodation!

Hey OP 👋….
I’m glad this has perked you up, & is a good idea..
May I say hats off to you for your achievements, what an incredible person you are ..x
Once you get out of living there anyway, is the main thing, & you will, & you’re being given great advice here ..
Things will work out alright , going to say a prayer for you when I go to bed tonight..
Hope you find your happiness very soon x x

You sound like a bloody hard working legend.
If I were you I would head towards live in boarding school sector. Or abroad if you’d be comfortable with that. If you can-pay a bit for interview training, you could also join an fb group related to your subject/age group and ask if any other teacher would be willing to look over your cv. Pm me if you like! I’m 10 years in secondary!

International schools will pay for your relocation and first few months rent!

@SaraCreweIRL I agree with @AlastheDaffodils - there are many careers within the mitary, many of which involve some kind of teaching. And you may get in to officer training on a graduate scheme. Well worth a look.

I just want to tell you you’re amazing, and congratulate you on your academic achievements so far. You’ve done an even more amazing thing in helping to hold things together for your siblings for as long as you did.
There are many good suggestions here, and I hope you find a way forward into the successful life that’s waiting for you. You deserve a lovely future.

Oh OP, 💔

You're doing brilliantly. You sound a wonderful, intelligent person and someone who is clearly stoical and tenacious, in spite of adversity.

I agree with others, please try to start small, look at lots of different options, and try to keep focusing on good times and your future happiness.

My birth parents were heroin addicts and I was extremely fortunate to be adopted by two amazing and wonderful parents, but it's horrible to think how hard and different my life might have been 😳😭 You an inspiration and brilliant. I will think of you when I go to bed tonight and send lots of love ❤️

you are amazing, you have achieved amazing things , and you will continue to do yourself proud.

im on a fb about all things uni (huge group) and it is very very common to apply for many (hundreds in some cases) jobs. That first role is the difficult one to secure. After that, you’re sailing. Some will offer to work for free to get experience or prove worth (for a short period) or to do something similar to what you want to do and work up / across in large organisation.
its not unsual what you are going through . Give it time.

you have got too far to give up now.

what gets me through tough times are:-
“you’re living someone else’s dream” and

“if you’ve got food in your tummy and a roof over your head- you’re already winning”

HTH

Would you think of emigrating, OP? I’m wondering if teachers are in the needed professions list in Australia and New Zealand. I’d emigrate in a heartbeat at your age.

Good idea.