To think finding the time to lose weight is IMPOSSIBLE?!

[Fat40Unhappy]

Probably get roasted as I’ve posted here for traffic.

I’m about 3.5 stone overweight currently.

I’ve had a shit 3 and a half years. Had a baby, had PND, was doing a stressful degree which included placement, my sibling was diagnosed terminally ill and died last March, my relationship broke down and I’m now working full time in a stressful job with a toddler and I’m a single parent.

My working hours are changing soon to 8:45am to 6pm and I will have one non-working day per week.

I also have a serious mental health condition which requires medication which is very sedating, causes weight gain and makes it difficult to lose. This conditions impacts my sleep so I need to prioritise this to avoid getting ill.

I’m most likely peri-menopausal as well.

Normal day is get up about 7, get myself and toddler dressed, drop to nursery and head to work. I have a 20/30 minute drive depending on traffic. My mum picks toddler up every day after nursery so has them for 2 hours before I get home.

Get home say 6.30 with new hours and then have to feed toddler and myself, bathe toddler and do bed time. They go down about between 7.30-8.30pm. They still wake up 2/3 times per night and I end up in their bed beside them most nights. Broken sleep all week which kills me.

I feel so depressed, I look at myself and feel disgusted. But I don’t know how to organise my life to incorporate exercise and losing this significant amount of weight. I need some motivation and ideas.

TIA

I lost 4 stone just by putting myself in a calorie deficit. It took me 6 months. I ate normal food but less crap. Only exercise I did was walking.

Switch to sugar free fizzy drinks first of all.

I do slimming world which I know many hate but works great for me. I had lost 2 stone for my wedding after gaining through losing my mum and a string of miscarriages then gained in pregnancies and breastfeeding and now lost 2 stone again.

Typical working day, breakfast skyr and banana
Lunch wholemeal sandwich today was humous and roast veg leftover from Sunday dinner (tomatoes and broccoli)

Dinner was pork stir fry with veg and steamed rice.

Protein, carb, veg each meal, bread only once a day is the main way I think of it and works a treat

I find the best way to lose weight is dirty fasting so fasting but with the odd milky drink or up to 100 cal snack 3/4 a day. I really like cups of miso broth. Then one meal a day in the evening. Lots of protien/ grains and veg.

Be a bit kinder to yourself. I think you should prioritise sleep first. Find a way to get as much sleep as possible, even if it's a bit unorthodox.

Is the toddler in a cot still? Can you sleep in the same room? What size bed do they have?

Don't snack until you've had 1litre of water to drink.

It’s Quetiapine. It’s one of the worst for weight gain. I’ve read it changes the way your body processes fats and sugars so even if you eat well, you’re still at risk of weight gain.

I’ve been on it for a long time after trialling many different meds that didn’t help. This is the only one that’s helped me stay stable. Since being on it I’ve managed to do many things that wouldn’t have been possible before but the downside is the side effects. It makes you very groggy as well due to its sedative purposes which in turn affects energy levels.

I know if I come off it, the weight will come off more easily. I’ve done it before and lost nearly a stone without trying in the space of 3 weeks but it caused a manic episode and I had to go back on it and put the weight back on almost instantly.

In all the years of being on it, my psychiatrist has never discussed ways to counteract the weight gain. No nutritional guidance or the like. They did give me Metformin but all it did was keep me on the toilet pan all day. Can’t do that now with a job and a child.

I think that’s why I feel so hopeless and it was probably silly to even post here asking for answers.

I have seen people in groups posting that Intermittent Fasting and Keto has helped them so maybe that’s an idea as I’ve not attempted this before.

I’ve recently lost 4.5 stone just through changes to what I eat - a big part of that was intermittent fasting which means that I no longer eat dinner.

My body got used to it incredibly quickly - within a week I no longer felt hungry at dinner time and the amount of time (and money!) I save by not having to shop for as many groceries, meal plan, prepare, cook and eat dinner and then clean up after is amazing!

You don't need to do a shred of exercise to lose weight. It's all down to diet. And I say that as an exercise obsessive who practically lives at the gym!

Eating well doesn't need to take time.

Cottage cheese or Greek yoghurt with berries and honey for breakfast.

An omelette for lunch if at home, or a tuna and egg salad if out at work (hard boil a week's worth of eggs in one go).

Dinner can be a chilli that you've made enough of to do 5 or 6 portions. Or a tray of roast veg - then add chicken or salmon, bulgur wheat and chicken stock and bake until cooked.

I'll also add, I'm on mirtazipine, also known for weight gain. But I've lost a stone through being incredibly disciplined.

You’re doing an amazing job holding everything together for your children so don’t forget that.

I know lots of people are saying exercise isn’t necessary but I disagree… when I exercise it gives me energy, improves my mental health and I eat better (don’t want to waste the calories I’ve just spent time trying to burn).

I am also a single parent working long hours but I took the plunge and bought a peloton. I just do 30 minute sessions as and when I can. i.e. jump on the bike as soon as my children fall asleep, while my dinner is cooking or while they (briefly) manage to occupy themselves.

Best of luck and don’t forget to take a step back and remember you are doing an incredible job x

Did they try the slow release metformin @Fat40Unhappy? The default is that they go for the standard 500mg, and get you to take up to 4 x a day dependent on what it is for and how much you need. But if it causes gastric issues they can prescribe the slow release that you just take once a day.

It’s hard to keep up with who is asking which questions.

Toddler is in a double bed. I went straight to that after cot bed as I thought it would be easier when I end up in there through the night, instead of sitting on the floor. It’s helped slightly but one of my biggest issues with my illness is poor sleep so although broken sleep and sleep deprivation is crap for everyone, for me it means I end up really unwell.

I was looking back at pictures in my phone and seen some screenshots of when they were a baby. There were some nights I was getting less than an hours sleep and that was with my sedative medication. Most nights now I’m sleeping before 11pm/midnight and alarm is at 7, I never get the full 7/8 hours. I have a Fitbit and I’m always awake for at least 1.5 hours during the night.

Someone asked if my mum was able to feed and bathe toddler before I come in. My mum works full time as well but has her own business so that’s why she’s able to pick up after nursery. She doesn’t finish till about 5/5.30 so isn’t in till 6 anyway.

Someone else asked about network, I had a village but it’s no longer since my sibling died. As often happens with grief, there has been lots of fallings out. I only really have my mum now.

A poster asked about working 6 days, that’s the way I’ve written that. I’ll be working 4 long days. Apologies for the confusion.

Dad takes toddler occasionally but not consistently so weekends are spent taking toddler to activities and catching up on housework and life admin. My washing pile is my nemesis. Even when dad has them I do all the driving as he doesn’t have a car and it’s an hour round trip. He only takes them for 1 night as well.

You’ve had some really great advice on here. It must be really hard with the medication as well.

Look at small changes to snacking and things like that, focus on changes people suggest that don’t really take time - high fibre crackers and a carrot as a snack instead of a biscuit etc.

I’ve personally found intermittent fasting (so eating 11-7ish) has worked well because it doesn’t take any time or extra effort to make special food, and so it’s cut out a lot of food “noise”’ that comes to me with calorie counting or focusing on diet food. My diet could still be improved but the weight has come off.

I’m allergic to nuts and eggs so if anyone has any substitutes that have the same protein/satiety properties that would be great. I think that’s one of my biggest barriers (of the mind) when I try to look for meal plans. They all seem to incorporate eggs and nuts/seeds into meals and I can’t have them. I’m definitely not equipped with the knowledge of what to eat to lose weight bar “don’t eat shite”.

To the poster who said they bought a Peloton. I’ve considered a treadmill or walking pad. I got into walking a few years ago and I thought I started to see a difference in my body. Maybe not on the scales but I didn’t feel as bloated and thought I looked slightly better. Then I got pregnant and was so ill I could barely stand and with all the trauma just never got back into it.

It’s been helpful to use this as a sounding board. I don’t know if maybe I’m online too much and see all the influencers who exercise hard everyday. Maybe only 20/30 is needed which I could probably find if I got organised. I’m probably also still in the mindset of I could eat what I wanted without thinking about it and never gain weight so I’ve never had to be disciplined, exercise or meal
plan. My brain needs to remember I’m in my 40’s with the metabolism to match.

Just on the Fitbit - that awake time is pretty normal. Click the Benchmark to see how your sleep stages compare to average. Fitbit shows restlessness as “awake”, so it’s not always actual awakeness as we would think about it. It can sometimes even just be movement. Anyway, just in case that’s reassuring! If you’re sleeping from 11pm to 7am I think that’s fine.

Op I know you're on medication for a mental health issue, do they also check your bloods for your general health? Your life as a single parent and being a social worker is really tough and stressful. And enough to be exhausted. But do get your iron levels checked etc. Just so you know that you are as fit as you can be..I was very anemic and felt horrendous. I've signed much more energy now my iron levels are within a normal range.

If you can curb the fizzy drinks I'm sure that would help. I have a really high fibre diet to counteract the heavy iron pills I'm on. So a fibrous breakfast.. then salad for lunch as carbs at lunch make me so tired in the pm xx

@Fat40Unhappy give ChatGPT or the like a go, they can be really useful just for generating a few ideas. You might not end up with a perfect meal plan but you can usually get something of value,

if you put a prompt in like:

Design a 7 day meal plan including quantities and recipes to meet the following criteria:

each day should not exceed 1500 calories
comprise 3 x meals and 2 x snacks..

Macros - moderate low carb, moderate high protein and fibre
Allergies - Egg, nuts
Dislike (do not include as main component to any meal or snack) - avocado, cauliflower, fish, kidney beans, coconut milk, creamy sauces.
Likes - Mexican, Italian and Thai cuisine. Pork, beef, chicken breast, tenderstem broccoli, babycorn, red lentils, bell peppers, tomatoes. Highly seasoned food, strong savoury flavours especially spicy,

I’ve attached an image of the results for day 1 just to illustrate the kind of output you might get

This reply already shows a shift in mindset 👏🏻 I agree… I’m not sure the use of the peloton shows on the scales but it does a lot more for me than that. I would definitely invest in something easy you can do at home. You definitely don’t need hours in the gym to feel better in yourself. Good luck OP x

Weight loss is 90% about what you eat so whole family eats healthy , easier for you you’re making one meal and you’ll lose weight at the same time.

I lost 3 stone and didn’t do any exercise. It’s all a out what you eat

I think the WLI are what you need too.

Aside from the weight loss element they do feel quite calming anyway. The compulsions are all quietened be in food or drink or whatever . You feel more in control generally I think.

It doesn’t really need time - you just need to be in a calorie deficit. Ask Chat GPT what your calories should be at your weight and height and explain the medical condition.

Personally if on antipsychotics (and sadly I have been on these vile drugs) I wouldn't want to add anything else to the mix.

Bloody hell op, I really hate to hear the way you talk about yourself and call yourself disgusting! Please please start your weight loss journey by being a little kinder to yourself!

And ignore some of the negative comments on here!

I think you are amazing for “just” holding down a social work job while being a single parent to a toddler! Social workers get such a lot of crap but what they do is absolutely incredible, not to mention, horrendously stressful. The fact that you are managing all of this, despite the horrendous time you have had recently, with the loss of your sibling and a relationship breakdown, and a serious mh condition is truly impressive! You should give yourself a massive pat on the back!

You are NOT disgusting! You are a sleep-deprived, grieving, stressed, busy, single parent with a mh condition. If you had an overweight friend juggling all of that, would you call her disgusting?

You don’t want to add to your stress, so I would start at aiming to establish a few healthy habits which you build up, like swapping out the fizzy drinks for water, and introducing more veg every day, say a salad for lunch not a sandwich, and an extra veg at dinner, rather than slamming yourself with too much change too soon. Do you get a lunch break? Could you walk for 30 minutes? Cut out biscuits etc and add in frozen berries or nuts and seeds,

The most important thing is your sleep, it’s much harder to restrict your food intake while tired, so I would devote all of your energy in to getting your toddler to sleep during the night, Maybe a new toddler bed, and some sleep training by sitting by their bed not talking, with lights down low, then sit in the middle of the room, then sit near the door, then on the landing etc. And if they wake up, they go quietly straight back to bed, no talking. Keep repeating this until they sleep through the night.

little one goes to bed quite late. Could your mum feed and bathe the toddler when it’s her time with them on the four days of the week you are working, then dress them in pjs, so they go almost straight to bed with a story following a little down time with you when you get home? That would give you more of an evening to prep veg and batch cook?

Good luck 💐

Would echo PP - I have lost 25ish lbs since February and it was entirely diet rather than exercise.

At the moment you don't know how much of your weight gain/difficulty in weight loss is down to medication, because it sounds like medication + bad eating habits are working together here. In your shoes I would calculate your TDEE (the number of calories you consume just being, with sedentary levels of activity), minus 400 calories a day, and stick to that limit. Weigh yourself again in three days and then a week, and see if things are slowly shifting down.

As many have said, diet is the key to weight loss, and you've had lots of good advice already. If you are time and energy poor, planning and preparation is key. Try cooking two portions, and then save one to reheat another day. It takes no extra time to cook but gives you some time back for yourself.

Exercise may be good for your sleep and mental wellbeing. Perhaps try 20 mins of yoga, weights or hiit training at home. There are loads of free classes on YouTube. Start small - be realistic about what you have time for. Perhaps take a longer walk on your day off.