DC and dinner?

[Frankie33]

DS 22 and add 20 both at university and home for holidays.

DS works most weekends, DD went to her friends. We rarely all eat together. DH has been out all day playing football.

DS is quite a fussy eater, I sometimes get food in that I know he likes then he will order a takeaway and the food goes to waste.

For various reasons all sitting down to dinner creates arguments. So I've stopped trying to do a Sunday roast and DS hours are unpredictable so he could be home at 7pm or 9.30pm.

Also depending on the day, sometimes want healthy food, sometimes junk

I have spend the day cleaning, washed both their bedding and cleaned their rooms.
They have both arrived home and said "what's for dinner?"

I said "there is nothing in" and now they have the hump.

Also I will text DS what do you want for dinner and if he replies I get it or sometimes he doesn't reply.

DD will say "I don't mind"

AIBU to have nothing to feed my kids today ???

Your kids? They’re 20 and 22. Why are you tidying their bedrooms and cooking their tea?

They're old enough to feed themselves

Why on earth are you cleaning the bedroom’s of adults in their 20s?

You’re creating your own problem. You can’t moan that they’re ungrateful and demanding about dinner but then change their dirty sheets and clean their bedroom like they’re 3!

Don’t clean their rooms and don’t wash their bedding.

if you absolutely have to cook for them get a rock sheet for each day and they have to tick by 4pm whether they want dinner for that day. No tick no food.

I know but they both do work hard in their jobs and I don't work. But I'm sick of buying food and then they go out and I end up throwing it or I get the wrong thing.

When they were little we always had a home cooked dinner and eat it together. Sundays especially were our dinner day.

But I feel bad there is nothing here for them to eat, but should I be responsible now?

DDs boyfriend comes from a big Greek family and they always have lovely dinners together. My DS hates us sitting down together and always ends in rows. Just makes me feel sad I guess

And 14% have said I'm being unreasonable, can I ask why??

Personally I think if you have someone living with you for a few months having food in the house is a necessity, cleaning their room on the other hand is ridiculous.
Have a decent amount of food in the cupboard or freezer that will keep and if they don’t want to sort themselves out on nights they aren’t making a family meal then they can go and get their own food.

Cleaning their bedrooms, and wasting good food. Leave them to it.

I haven't voted, but I do think there should be food in for THEM to cook for themselves.
Sounds like you have spoiled them, even if you don't work they are fully grown adults who should be able to fend for themselves. You are their mum, not their servant. Don't clean their rooms!
Keep food in the freezer or tins or vacuum packed so it doesn't go off if they can't be bothered.
My 17yo will be cooking for the family one night a week when the summer hols kick in.

I’d have been embarrassed for myself behaving like that at 20.

People are probably voting you’re being unreasonable for putting up with their ungrateful behaviour.

I think... that you are unreasonable to have nothing in the house in this situation, yeah. I'm not saying that you necessarily should have to shop and cook for them - I don't know what your arrangements are re. board, finances etc - but that is the situation you are in and this is like suddenly shifting the goalposts. I would sort food for them now but then sit them down and say ok kids, as of (say) Monday 14th July you will be buying and cooking your own meals.

• Caveat: I'm reading this as there being literally nothing in that they could make a meal from. If there is food (dried pasta, jarred sauce, frozen things, whatever) but just not the food they would prefer, then YANBU at all!

When you cook a meal that doesn’t get eaten, put it in a tub and freeze it. Then when they want dinner they can defrost one.

I voted YABU. I think you need to put something in place so they know where you all know where you stand. I’m not surprised you’re frustrated but kindly, it’s down to you to let them know what can happen.
One of mine is adult and also home from uni; they get a home cooked meal that the rest of us eat as long as I know by the morning. I need time to shop/prep/cook and I don’t do well rushed. If I haven’t cooked for adult DD they make some pasta, salad and other bits that I have readily available but they need to prepare. What did you eat OP? Would they have had that if you’d made enough?

I wouldn't cook FOR them but I would ensure there was food in the house for them to cook. Even if a frozen pizza or beans or pasta or summat. Dd was a mega fussy eater and mostly made her own food since she was about 16. I asked to add things to shopping list, or otherwise she had to get it herself if it was missing.

My 2 are 17 and 19 and know they have to tell me if they don't want tea or if they're bringing someone home with them who will. And that unless they give me a couple of days notice then what I'm making may or not be planned with others in mind.

We do however have plenty of food that they could pull together something decent and filling if they change their plans at the least minute.

Start treating your children like adults and lay down some ground rules. You are not their skivvy

Just explain to them what you've said here.

I never know what time you're going to be in, or what you're going to want, so I'm not going to cook dinner every night. You need to organise yourselves.
If you want help or want to eat together one night that would be great, but you need to tell me.

They've kept themselves alive so far, and toast for tea won't kill them.

Of course you could also work out between you that they each cook dinner twice a week.

Your son hates family meals and causes a row? Why?

Because if you know there are 4 adults living in the house, then it is unreasonable not to have food in.

I'm not saying you should be cooking for them all the time, but it is pretty odd to have no food in they can then cook.

I get the annoyance of having your dc home and them rarely being around for the standard mealtimes, but this is an odd way to tackle it.

I also think it is bizarre that you are changing their sheets and tidying their rooms. They are adults in their 20s, not toddlers. Quite bizarre to be going through their things.

As long as there was food they can cook themselves YANBU. Tbh even if there was no food they could get a takeaway or order food on Just Eat..
I have an 17 and 18 year old. They are responsible for cooking for the family one night a week each. Other than that they have to tell me if they want tea. I'd go mad if I ended up having to throw food away. Although I suppose you could freeze it for another day.
As your DC appear not to appreciate what you do, just stop. Tell them from now on they buy and cook their own food and you will only save food for them if they ask in advance. Don't clean their rooms or do their washing. If they want to live in a dirty room with dirty clothes let them. I bet they will quickly learn how to clean their rooms and use the washing machine.

I voted YABU because of the sheets/room tidying. If they're happy to waste the food you buy, you aren't in the wrong to stop buying for them.

DDs boyfriend comes from a big Greek family and they always have lovely dinners together. My DS hates us sitting down together and always ends in rows.
How does sitting down for dinner = arguments? It takes two people to have an argument so who is the antagonist?
Were the children brought up with you all eating together? We always ate together and when it was questioned whether it was necessary I told them yes as mealtime together was when we found out about each other’s day, any plans in the pipeline, anything needed. I also expected DS and DD to prepare and cook one meal a week from age 13 and they did their own laundry from 16. Let them grow up and have responsibilities.

I would have thought it was really weird and intrusive if my mum came in and stripped my bed and cleaned my room when I was in my 20s! Even my 14 year old cleans her own room and I usually tell her to strip the bed and give her clean stuff to make it up again, sometimes I help sometimes not.
Also when I was in uni and staying at home in my 20s we would take turns to make dinner for the family, if we weren’t going to be in we would let my mum know out of courtesy. You’ve created a rod for your own back unfortunately

Also why the arguments? Seems a bit immature for adults in their 20s? By that age I’d be expecting sensible adult conversation around the dinner table

Pretty much the same here

Same