DC and dinner?

[Frankie33]

DS 22 and add 20 both at university and home for holidays.

DS works most weekends, DD went to her friends. We rarely all eat together. DH has been out all day playing football.

DS is quite a fussy eater, I sometimes get food in that I know he likes then he will order a takeaway and the food goes to waste.

For various reasons all sitting down to dinner creates arguments. So I've stopped trying to do a Sunday roast and DS hours are unpredictable so he could be home at 7pm or 9.30pm.

Also depending on the day, sometimes want healthy food, sometimes junk

I have spend the day cleaning, washed both their bedding and cleaned their rooms.
They have both arrived home and said "what's for dinner?"

I said "there is nothing in" and now they have the hump.

Also I will text DS what do you want for dinner and if he replies I get it or sometimes he doesn't reply.

DD will say "I don't mind"

AIBU to have nothing to feed my kids today ???

So you literally have no pasta or bread, tins of soup in your house for them
to make themselves something to eat?

If I knew they would be staying I’d have food available whether I cooked (in which case they eat the meal I’ve prepared) or stuff they can cook for themselves. I certainly wouldn’t be cleaning rooms and changing beds.

This fills me with dread. I despise “the dinner”. Waiting for 17 year old to go to university so we can introduce a different vibe. I won’t be cooking or stuck in this regime any longer. 🙏 I may be awful but I want flexibility and freedom from it. I’ve done my time. YANBU.

Your post made me laugh, I can’t believe you were washing their bedding and cleaning their rooms. I haven’t done that for my eldest since they were 13. And he lets me know if he wants me to save some food for him when I’m cooking, or he sorts himself out (goes and buys something to cook) and he’s only 17

Why are you throwing away food though? It could either be kept in the freezer or used up in your cooking. And in future don't buy specific ingredients, since your kids are clearly not appreciative of it.

The adults can get their own food in, they don't need to be helplessly dependent on their mother. At the minute the adults are acting like preschoolers.
Even primary school age kids should be performing household chores, by teens should be fully functional and cooking often for the household.

These adults can sort their own rooms and provide meals, instead of tantrumming, petulance and slovenly entitlement.

I think you should tell them that you're not running a hotel and restaurant, and that if you were, you'd charge hotel/restaurant prices.

This is really about communication and courtesy. Both old enough to be able to let you know their plans or take responsibility for sorting themselves out with food. Really agree with others that you should not be doing their rooms.
if you’d like a family meal once or twice a week - then that is the deal. Guess they are not paying rent….
Don’t feel guilty - you’re being taken for granted. Time for a big chat and a reset.

They need to start cleaning their own rooms and doing their own washing. These are life skills that they need to know and your doing them no favours by doing it for them. Maybe still hoover if the floors clear etc and your doing upstairs anyways. The people I know with young adults at home tend to let them do their own food shop if they don't want what's on the menu for finner that week.

They're both adults capable of making themselves a meal. You're not their servant. Please don't feel guilty, go and put your feet up and relax!

It’s time you had expectations of good manners and enforcing those expectations.