To think DH performance cooking is a bit ott…

[harriethoyle]

Lighthearted! I will preface this by saying I adore my DH and he is an excellent man who more than pulls his domestic weight.

BUT

When he decides To Cook (capitals deliberate) as he did today, it is a performance. Wanting me as a sous chef, commentary on the progress of the dish, frequent tastings for my opinion, serving up with a flourish then a post-mortem on what was good, bad, ugly. It was delicious tbf.

Meanwhile, I’ve knocked up a lasagne for tomorrow, mini quiches for next weekend’s picnic lunch and a cous cous salad for lunches this week. With no assistance, checking in or post-cook review…

AIBU? Anyone else’s partner do this?!

What muffsies said

Once it's the daily requirement he'll stop reckoning he's Jamie

Yes. He is a better cook than me but I cook more, plan, shop and don’t make a song and dance of it. I also dislike being advised of techniques I’ve been using for years (started cooking as a child) as if they are cutting-edge 🙄

Because I had feta that needed using up and so I’ve made and frozen them. Will defrost on Friday!

Do you have cameras in my house @EnjoythemoneyJane ?! 🤣🙈

Then there's the huge portions you're expected to eat because he's cooked it and you're just not a big eater.

Lean into it? Buy him a chefs hat? Inform him that Michelin chefs are often silent, but you’ll happily be available for tasting and give him The Nod if everything is passable?

Start writing restaurant reviews? My dh’s would probably say ‘served up an undoubtedly delicious plate of food; shame he had to use literally every utensil in the house to achieve it.’

I'd put up with all of that if the food's good. If it wasn't good he'd be laughed out the room (the first time he tried it, I wouldn't have married him).

I also think it's reasonable, if you put effort into something, to enjoy some feedback on it. DP is the cook in our house and I wouldn't ever describe him as a performance cook, but of course he asks whether I enjoyed it, what I liked about it and so on - to me that's natural.

@gannett he is an excellent cook to be fair - so at least I am fed well! 😆

Next time he's prepping to cook, tell him you LOVE IT when he cooks and you'll be dreaming about it as you take your bath, looking forward to the deliciousness. Then scamper away fast blowing kisses.

I think a lot of men are like this! My DD tells me that her husband rarely cooks,but when he does OMFG. He'll keep going on about about it for days.

Freeze them?

My DH did this when we stayed with friends in their holiday home. They put us up for a week and were very generous, so my husband wanted to cook a salmon dish for them one evening.

There was much discussion and planning and unnecessary talk about it. A group trip to the shop was suggested and ignored…….

The resulting dish was a perfectly acceptable meal (with a few bits missing he couldn’t get hold of), but he commented and urged people to notice aspects of it throughout, while we were eating. It was cringe!!!!

I couldn’t understand as he usually cooks without fanfare…….

Oh why spoil his fun? Indulge him

Was it served up on time though @op? My ex used to performative cook , but he couldn't understand that no matter how good the food when it finally arrived, three hours late was just too late to be reasonable.

With glass of wine in hand!

@socialdilemmawhattodo it was on time. I’m beginning to think I’m not that badly off by some of these responses!

Could you reframe it in your head that it’s not so much performative but that he loves cooking, and he gets pleasure out of sharing the “doing” with you? I love cooking and it sounds like a fun way to spend time and very much like he wants you both involved in it.

If cooking isn’t a pleasure then I can see it might be trying.

You are so lucky, apart from the sous chef job!! My husband has been at home over a week and has not made one meal. Not a thing, I am jealous.

😆😆😆😆😆

I concurrently hate to generalise but also think it’s a man thing.
My children grew up thinking that a BBQ involved three feet high flames being doused by a plant humidifier/water sprayer meaning that the BBQ went out and everything was only half cooked and had to be finished off in the kitchen. This was my dad/their grandad. He still can’t boil an egg.

It it tasted delicious then his comments and tastings are a small price to pay!

I have a (male) family member that likes to performance cook every meal and regale guests with second-by-second instructions of how he made it, followed by accounts of every other time he made the same dish, topped off with discussion of the sourcing of ingredients and supermarket shopping list for said masterpiece dish. It takes the whole meal and is beyond tedious.

I also have a DH who lower level performance cooks (needs constant congratulations and commentary) but even more annoyingly does lengthy “savouring” after the meal - satisfied groans and grunts, exclamations of how delicious it was and how it is still giving him joy hours after the meal. ARGHH.

My DP has to have the tea towel slung over his shoulder!
I’ll put up with that if I don’t have to cook.

DD has a wine/beer fridge in the lounge diner. It's near to the dining area and doesn't look out of place at all!

OMG op, my DH and I have laughed over this thread (thank you for posting!).

DH is a good cook, but just as you describe, everything is performative. If he's just cooking for us I steer well clear (like you, I go and play the piano - are you sure we aren't sisters?). If he's cooking for a family occasion then I "sous chef" - but I require precise instructions (peel and chop these carrots? - sure, do you want rounds or julienne? how many millimetres thick? etc).

And I always say he cooks like a man, by which I mean (a) he can't multitask, so everything has to be prepped before he starts, and (b) he can't rinse or wash anything as he goes along, so the kitchen looks like a bomb site when he's finished.