AIBU to expect DH to drop off like other parents?

[GlitteryRainbow]

Family fun day today. I’m a Brownie leader so was there supervising Brownies on their stall. DD had swimming but was coming later to help on the Guide stall. When it was time for DD’s slot DH phones to tell me I need to collect DD from the entrance as he’s not paying to get in. I have to leave the Brownies to collect DD. We both walk through the entrance without paying, just as DH could have done and into the fun day. Then the same in reverse when she gets collected.

AIBU to expect DH to have walked DD to the stall like all the other parents did? I was there with Brownies, if I hadn’t been what would he have done?

I am that doesn’t mean I can force him to move out. We both own the house.

I'd have said no, I'm busy, walk in.

Some men act inadequate. I love my DH but when he plays the stupid card. He is really annoying.

My friends are getting separated one after the other, mid 40's. I understand why women can't tolerate thinking for everyone after years.

I would look in to this op. Just for the info if nothing else. How it loosely works is you apply for divorce, get a decree nisi, then you look at how all the assets should be split, see if there’s enough in the pot for one of you to stay in the house, sell if not - yes you can force a sale, decide on childcare split - at 11 your dd Will get a say in this, once that’s all sorted, you get a decree absolut.

He wouldn’t have done that he’d either of sent DD in by herself or he’d just have taken her home. The result would have been a very upset DD. Other Guides were dropped off by their parents without them staying.

It doesn’t work like that. We’ve gone through the new no fault route so there is no nisi and absolute. We’ve agreed more or less everything. I’m buying him out of the house. He seems to be able to take as long as he likes to look for and buy a suitable property. He’s been advised this by his solicitor. He won’t rent as he doesn’t want to waste money so I’m stuck with him until he finds a house. It took us 12 years to find this house. He’s not even looking yet.

Yep. Like many threads on MN that are started because of what appears just a minor quibble, from OPs further comments she has way more problems with her DH than this.

He is just a selfish prick, defiance, can't complete a task without shortcuts.
It is impossible to kick him out of a shared home, think about ending the marriage, it'll end naturally when the children are more independent.
Yanbu.

So it will take him less time away from DS if he walks DD in than if he waits for you to find someone to take over your stall.

Poor form. YANBU.

There’s a real problem if your 11 year old can’t walk into the guide hall unaccompanied by a parent, tbh.
Maybe you should focus more on this.

Do read the updates

Without any actual knowledge of this, I’m really surprised you have no power here.
So - you have divorced/have applied for divorce already? And you can afford the house on your own - so I’m surprised you can’t transfer the deeds in to your name, release whatever is his share of the assets to him, then change the locks. Tough shit if he doesn’t want to rent, get on with buying a house then.
I honestly cannot believe that it can be true that he can take as long as he wants.

im not sure what the point of your post was when you’ve already worked out he’s an arsehole and are divorcing him.

But why did you go, then? Why not just say, "Sorry - I can't come to the gate as I am supervising young children who can't be left alone. Just walk through the gate and take her to the guides stand."

I was trying to decide whether to discuss it with him or not.

He wouldn’t have done it. He’d either have made DD go on her own or just taken them both home. I didn’t want DD to miss out.

No point wrestling with a pig.
You know he's an arse, you know he's deliberately doing all he can to piss you off. Nothing to discuss.

Except how to find a lawyer who would get his arse out of the house for you. Maybe post on Legal?

He fails to realise that it’s not easy for me to come get her as I am responsible for younger girls who can’t just be left on their own.

If he can’t ’get it’ has he ever felt the consequences of his actions? Do you always step up?

I get that it’s tricky when you have competing priorities. What might have happened if you had not been able to leave the stall?

I’d focus on the end goal in that case.

what you want is him out of the house.

what route would help achieve that - raising this with him, or not?

Definitely discuss it with him.
I wouldn't be kind about doing it.
He needs to cope on, why does he feel his needs are much more important than yours, and worse than your DC's.

I think why he thinks his needs are more important than everyone else’s will remain a lifelong mystery. Though I have a theory.

I don’t think this person has ever experience anxiety or met someone with anxiety! Ignore them!

We have had great success with my DS anxiety though gradual exposure - and I agree this is such a huge step it shouldn't be expected at this stage.