70k near home or 100k London?

[WakeMeFriday]

Me and DH are in a bit of discussion about this - I am on 70k where my office is 15 mins walk from my home. Bus stop is just next to the house and by bus it's only 5 mins. Commute time is so quick and cheap £2 each way. I have two little kids - 1 year old and 4 years old. Both at preschool and childminder who is 5 mins walk. There's good work life balance and can work flexibly over 4 days
However, the career progression is slow at my civil service job. I have been looking around to see what the opportunities are out there and seems like most of the jobs in London for my profile pay over 100k. We are in Midlands and my mortgage remaining is 150k. We bought the house just when COVID started so we got a good sized 4 bed house for 260k. Our outgoings are less due to a smaller mortgage and locking in for a good cheap mortgage rate. So, that helps with keeping our financial stress low, considering I have been on 2 sets of mat leaves in the last 4 years. Also, with the 70k, we can still claim 30 free hours for DCs , which we won't if any of us go over 100k.
DH says I should just stick it out and stay at my current workplace but I feel like I should explore what London has to offer.
Travelling to London from Midlands is expensive and return train tickets are £150 per day and at least 3 hours additional travel.
Moving to London would be hard as houses are expensive and we don't want a huge mortgage. I am mid 30s, DH early 40s. We want to live stress free life and ability to travel as well.
What would be better for us in the long term?

You are ambitious. That's a great thing. It's not about £70k v £100k, it's about pushing your career ambitions as far as you can.

There is no doubt that your life now has a pretty ideal work-life balance, and I agree with others that the extra £30k in London will be swallowed up by London.

For some people, a comfortable work-life balance is an absolute priority. It may not be for you.

You can wait a few years, comfy in your current job. You may not want to.

I think you should be really honest with yourself about what you want and what you are willing to do to get it.

@slowraindrop that's a good idea, thanks x

I have this issue, that when my life gets comfortable, I get this itch to do more with my life as I start feeling like I am not growing.
I have only just observed this pattern after reflection. I accepted a promotion just after going back after mat leave with my first DC. It was so stressful but I don't know why I did that.
I don't know it just feels like it's part of who I am.

But I agree, now I need to factor in my DH and DC when I make a decision like that.

I grew up quite poor and finance was always scarce, so making a safety net for my DC financially is an absolute priority for me as we never had that growing up and some days we didn't even had food to eat. I never want my DC to be in that situation.
I need to reflect and think more about getting a right balance of living life and not worrying about how we grew up and let that impact my decision about my family now.

You need to get a good sense of the cost of living / reduction in quality of life vs where you are now.

I like others here are in the £4k childcare and £3k mortgage club - this doesn’t get you a lot of house, even with your deposit.

Stay, I’ve done a long commute before I had kids and it was a nightmare. Delays meant occasionally the 90min journey could easily take a few hours. Imagine the stress of trying to get home to your kids in that! It shouldn’t be all on either parent to do the pick ups and emergencies because it’s not fair or that practical

i think my ticket was £500/600 a months and at it’s worst I got £300 back in repayments for delays. Great for me as a single and childfree person but yikes

I am shocked by the childcare costs posted by some of the PP. I can't imagine that sort of fees and also considering that I am potentially thinking of a third DC.

@HairOfFineStraw I probably will miss living in London but I guess I will stay out for another few years.

Full time places now £2100 - £2450 at all the nurseries locally.

And no tax free childcare etc. Often nurseries don’t off the free hours too so that’s worth checking.

STAY WHERE YOU ARE!!!

I’m in London and earn the same as you. Going through a difficult divorce atm and with an outstanding mortgage of £515K and two lots of nursery fees to factor in, I’m on my knees.

@dottypencilcase sending you a hug, hope things work out well for you 💐

Even more reason not to add to your stress with a long commute let alone anything else! Very rarely have I seen a post where it’s pretty obvious what to do ! Although I do get the “ what if” thoughts x

Good grief woman, stay where you are!

Will you actually have any more money in your pocket by the time you pay train fares, it’s also a long commute which I’d build into any salary increase eg I’m effectively 3 hours less available to my family. A six figure salary sounds good on paper but if it doesn’t measurably improve things for you in the here and now, what’s the point.

Your kids are young and your near work, public transport and the childminder. Your mortgage is low and within 5-7 years you will your mortgage paid off. I would also not consider another baby in your current circumstances. Another child is a maternity leave, more childcare, more food, clothes and education costs. You possibly could need to change a car as well. Also it easier to manage with 2 kids than 3 especially if your considering moving up the ladder work wise.

Instead I would stay put for the moment and see what roles come up with a higher grade closer to you. Do you need any further training or qualifications to go for these roles? Perhaps now is a good time to do these. Is your current boss aware that you want to move up the ladder? Would they be supportive of you doing this?
Have you friends working in a similar area to you? Would they be aware of any jobs coming up elsewhere that you could be interested in?

At one stage I was doing a long commute for a job and it was hard going. I did not have a young family at the same time.
You can see the higher salary but put in the travel costs, higher tax take and then the stress of bus or train being late or not running before or after work is a pain. Then your very late in from work and eating more ready meals or takeaways.

You could be better off staying in your current role until your kids are a bit older and then look into a high grade job elsewhere. Having a good quality of life is important also for you, your partner and kid's.

@Ilady thank you so much for your detailed reply. I agree it's a good idea to wait for something better nearby than travelling to London x

Something less tangible is the impact on your marriage 3 (more likely 4-4.5hours commuting) is going to impact your energy and marriage.

I really resonate woth.your post about pushing on and financial security.
2 small kids, a pressured job and 2 small kids I am really having to evaluate what is important and my "dreams" are way simpler /smaller these days

@Lafufufu thank you so much for all the information you posted. That really gave me so perspective of what the reality of my decision looks like. It's hard with 2 young kids. Hope, things get easier for you too x

I used to be very career driven. I am 10 years ahead of you. My DC are 13 and 10.

My career has plateaued since DC.
I earn around the same as you. I could earn more in London, and my commute would be £40 a day and about 1hr but TBH the flexibility of my 'local' job and the fact that I have a role that is not too stressful is a blessing.

My DH has a 'big' job. I can't rely on him to be around for drop off / pick up. In fact we had a part time nanny for a few years. It means that I need to be close to home. That

Your life sounds great and if you do keep going you'll be mortgage free soon.
I genuinely don't see a job in London, which pays more, adding 'value' to your life.

As someone who earns £20k, I could only DREAM of earning £70k. It sounds like you have a great setup where you are and the extra £30k wouldn’t go far when you factor in the commute, higher childcare costs and the thought of that long a commute isn’t appealing in the slightest!

edited to add:
I totally understand where you’re coming from with growing up poorer and wanting future financial security for your kids, but I’m still able to save a decent amount on my low salary (and our mortgage payments are higher than yours) so I don’t think chasing after a higher earning job is the be all and end all.
side note: DH and I combined earn around £70k

I agree with everyone else - I don’t think I’d swop in your position. I did an SCS job for most of last year and I took home an extra £300 per month. Now while that was nice it no way compensated for the additional time and stress of the role and I got to keep my flexibility as I wasn’t permanent.

while I’d like to move up the ladder I just didn’t see the benefits especially as I also have caring responsibilities (although mine are elderly parent rather than a child).

The 2 small kids loom so large they get mentioned twice 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I meant to write unexpected health condition...🤦‍♀️

The kids are just amazing but things like making pick ups and the long days 8-6 can be a bit rough.
Things are okay ish "hanging in there" style.. but our lifestyle is really demanding - i do it so we have the savings for me to go PT when oldest hits secondary but honeslty you sound like you have a good solid set up...

It does indeed.

100k isn't nearly enough to offset the financial loss of all the advantages you currently enjoy.

Also factor in train delays and cancellations.
Commuting from zone 6, sometimes all trains are just cancelled. Everyone just crowded in the station. Waiting for hours.
On a good day the commute is disgusting, people squashed in carriages, trains stuck on the lines, tubes too full to get on, cant even get down into the station. Its actually horrible.
If tou have only ever bern to central.london for events you need to try the commute from a zone 5 or 6 in the morning.. then tell me you still want to move... actually if tou do that it will probably make the decision firm in your head that you never want to move to london.