70k near home or 100k London?

[WakeMeFriday]

Me and DH are in a bit of discussion about this - I am on 70k where my office is 15 mins walk from my home. Bus stop is just next to the house and by bus it's only 5 mins. Commute time is so quick and cheap £2 each way. I have two little kids - 1 year old and 4 years old. Both at preschool and childminder who is 5 mins walk. There's good work life balance and can work flexibly over 4 days
However, the career progression is slow at my civil service job. I have been looking around to see what the opportunities are out there and seems like most of the jobs in London for my profile pay over 100k. We are in Midlands and my mortgage remaining is 150k. We bought the house just when COVID started so we got a good sized 4 bed house for 260k. Our outgoings are less due to a smaller mortgage and locking in for a good cheap mortgage rate. So, that helps with keeping our financial stress low, considering I have been on 2 sets of mat leaves in the last 4 years. Also, with the 70k, we can still claim 30 free hours for DCs , which we won't if any of us go over 100k.
DH says I should just stick it out and stay at my current workplace but I feel like I should explore what London has to offer.
Travelling to London from Midlands is expensive and return train tickets are £150 per day and at least 3 hours additional travel.
Moving to London would be hard as houses are expensive and we don't want a huge mortgage. I am mid 30s, DH early 40s. We want to live stress free life and ability to travel as well.
What would be better for us in the long term?

That's quite shocking as we are in a 4 bed detached house with big garden and driveway and our mortgage is only 700.

I didn't want to get into it but our mortgage and bills combined are just over 4k pm in London plus the 4k childcare.. so its 8k before we eat or i buy a travel card... you can see why i said id be v. tempted to swap!!!

How often would you need to be in the office?
Once a week in London with DH taking charge of the DC that day? ........I would consider it.

Your current set up sounds ideal. Genuinely ideal. You are being paid a decent salary, easy commute, relatively small mortgage and being present for your DC. This is what many working parents would see as the holy grail.

I cannot stress how important flexibility is whilst you have DC in nursery / primary school - this is definitely 'worth' something.

It depends whether your career progression usurps your current lifestyle - neither is wrong.

If you or your DH decide to do the long commute that would mean that the other one would need to be nearer to DC or you would need to pay for childcare, possibly a nanny.

Looking at it from purely financial perspective (as it was provided), house prices per square foot in London are £1125, almost three times the UK average, so £100k will only go so far. Don't take for granted the huge benefit of your short commute either. Why not try staying in the area for a few weeks to see if you like it first.

I have been to London many times for conferences etc but mostly central London. I know we can't afford to live in those areas. House prices there seem mad so commuting is the only option we are considering. Also, in our current house, we will be able to pay off mortgage in next 5-7 years and then we will be able to live mortgage free.
I used to be quite ambitious before kids but can't say the same now. Especially factoring in the loss of funded childcare hours post 100k, it just seems like I am looking for a bad deal really.

70k near home any day of the week! You have such a small mortgage too you’re in a really good position. Earning £100k is a poisoned stairlift in this political climate you go over and you lose all sorts of stuff and pay 60% tax losing your personal allowance, you get 90% of the income for far less trouble with your local job! Instead of getting a pay rise I negotiated to work only three days a week on the same pay as before it’s bliss. This government wants us to work less.

The wages you’d like are senior civil service levels, so the jobs are demanding. More jobs are being advertised outside London, would keep an eye out for one where you are.

I don’t think it’d be do-able for many people to commute that distance 3 days a week, with 2 or 3 small DC, and do an SCS role.

The extra 30k will get eaten up in London. Half of it will be tax anyway and the other half will be higher costs for childcare, petrol, food, restaurants, housing and transport.
Plus its not a friendly down here, much harder to find community in the area you live unless you are somewhere super villagy bit those areas are very expensive or an hpur outside.
It takes minimum an hour to get anywhere in london anyway, your commute will be lomg whereever you live in london.
I would say on balance, you are better off staying where you are.
But also i like to live with no regrets so its worth weighing it all up properly.

Honestly, a few days of that commute and you'll be begging for your old life back

Stay where you are, especially if you want another baby ❤️

Maybe organise some days/nights out in london - you could make a weekend of it, every couple of months without the kids

i think if your single - yes

DH works as a contractor so he is mostly remote with his work. He might have to travel once in a while, which isn't too bad.

I am just torn between my ambitions and being able to spend more time with my kids. I think I will regret not spending more time with them more than climbing the career ladder.

Stay where you are. When you’re DC are older, working in London could always happen. You’re still young enough.

My outgoing are 5.5k a month. We rent a 4 bed in zone 6 its 3k a month We let our 4 bed out that is just outside zone 6 for 2250.
I wouldnt live in many areas in zone 3 and 4 because of crime and schools. Cant afford zone 1 and 2.
Zones 5 and 6 have leafy suburbs but the commutes into london are always 1 to 2 hours door to door depending where you need to get to.
If my entire extended family didnt live here then I would out of london in a shot. Its a terrible place to raise kids.

I'm in a similar situation, but South East - so the cost of living is more similar to London.

I suspect you may be in a similar life stage to me , where you start to come out of the intensive childcare trenches and feel a touch itchy for a new project. For a new challenge. For ... more.

However, you logically know it won't actually make life easier. We're just conditioned to push on to the next thing.

I'd look for something else to deal with that. A hobby, a side project. Your current situation has a lot going for it, the grass isn't always greener, but there is clearly something driving you to think about London. It's probably a bit deeper than wanting more career progression.

At present your children are young and childcare whilst expensive is full time. Once they go to school and you have holidays and inset days etc to manage a three hour commute will be horrific. You simply won’t see them in the week.

If you move down, our Zone 6 four bed mortgage plus bills (not food) is £5k or thereabouts.

I’d stay put and look for opportunities locally.

What will you do when a child is sick or has problems at school, when you have to be on that train to London?
You have a wonderful life now, that many would envy. Don't throw it away in order to spend extra money on tax and train fares.

Incidentally, I dealt with it by going part time and Ian currently redecorating our bedroom. Something more needs to shift, but ... not quite sure what it is...

@Trallia you are so right. I will like I want to do more, not sure what, may be that's why I am considering another role to step up in my career but doesn't feels like that's what I exactly want considering all the opinions and options.

Let me know if you figure it out! :D

Apologies for the typo, I meant, I feel like I want to do more, but I am really tired at the moment with a child still baby and a toddler.

@Trallia I absolutely will x

I think the salary increase would be wiped out by the cost of living in London. A small 4 bed in a nice area will set you back around £800k at the very least, and that would be a terraced house with no OSP in Zone 6 with potentially long commutes and very costly wraparound child care.

You are likely to be financially way better off staying put. A huge mortgage increase, commuting costs, higher tax bracket etc would eat into any salary increase.

Take DC to London once a year to see a show, a museum and a major attraction but come home to the excellent work life balance and good cheap housing you have where you are. I say that as someone who adores London, but you will be much poorer if you move, financially and (IMO just as important) more time poor.

It sounds mad to consider it. Can’t see how you’ll be any better off after commuting costs, presumably increased childcare costs to cover the many hours you’ll be sat on a packed train, plus losing your free childcare hours. I’ve only visited London via train 3 times from the midlands, and have had a fairly big delay each time. Unlucky maybe, but you need to factor that in too. I personally can’t think of anything worse than a long, expensive commute every day and barely seeing my family, for what could end up being a few extra pounds each month. The grass is greener where you water it!

Have you considered mixing things up a bit, like by booking a couple of long weekends in airbnbs in lovely London suburbs? I love staying in places in different cities that locals want to live in. Like you could stay in Hampstead or Tufnell Park, accessible from Euston, and go to nice cafes and parks etc. Might give you a change of scenery but also help you “miss” where you currently live!