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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay out overnight on a Sunday

30 replies

ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 09:35

6 months ago I bought tickets to an afternoon & evening event on a Sunday. I have 2 secondary school age DC & their Dad (my exH) was going to look after them as they are usually with me overnight in a Sunday. He then decided to go on holiday over that time & I arranged for the DC to stay at their Grandparents who live locally. On the Monday morning they’ll get up & go to school from there (which is a very short distance).

My eldest DC has twice now argued with me for over half a hour saying I shouldn’t have arranged something for a Sunday night as I know they don’t like being away on a Sunday night. This is as they don’t like taking all their things for school to another house (which they do without complaint once a week on another night) & being at my house on a Sunday night sets them up for the week (mine was the main family home & all they remembers).

I do know this and this will be the first (and currently only planned) time this will have happened this year. Also over the 2 week holiday this will be the only night away from me.

The tickets are for a one off event with 6 out of about 8 acts that I’m really keen to see. It is far enough away that I can’t get back before they need to be in bed & I decided to take time off work so I could extend it to have time away on Monday daytime but be back for the end of school on Monday.

My youngest DC isn’t too bothered but did also argue with me briefly after the eldest DC complained to them.

Context- ExH left years ago & it is amicable, DC split their time 4nights me / 3 nights Dad. He goes abroad on holiday a handful of times a year & then I mostly look after the DC but they go to local Grandparents for any existing commitments I have. They have a good relationship with Grandparents & see them at least weekly for an hour or so. Grandparents looked after them for a day a week before they started school.

YANBU - a parent is allowed to do something for themselves occasionally even if it puts out their child

YABU - the wants of a child always come before a parents

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 06/07/2025 09:38

Would it make them happier if a grandparent stayed at your house so they didn’t have to take their stuff?

Helpmeplease2025 · 06/07/2025 09:42

Yanbu. This is quite an extreme reaction from DC.

Original poster
ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 09:51

Moveoverdarlin · 06/07/2025 09:38

Would it make them happier if a grandparent stayed at your house so they didn’t have to take their stuff?

Yes probably.

I don’t feel I can ask them to do that though. It would then be putting them out rather than the DC but why should that happen.

The Grandparents aren’t my parents (as that isn’t an option).

I did offer to ask the Grandparents if they could pop back in the morning before school so the DC could get ready here but DC said no as that would be putting them out. The school, my house & Grandparents house are all within a few minutes drive.

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 06/07/2025 10:12

You’re being far too accommodating. Cool that dc would prefer to stay on Sundays, not cool that they think they have the right to demand that preference. If it was before something important like an exam, then yes maybe be more accommodating, but we are at the dossy end of the school year. I wouldn’t have listened to more than 5mins of the discussion - it’s done.
And have an amazing time!

BendingSpoons · 06/07/2025 10:15

It's not ideal for your DC, but it's a minor inconvenience. Offer to help them gather nd pack everything they need. Tell them you have heard their thoughts on the matter and you will avoid this happening too often, but it's booked now and they will have to manage this time.

Original poster
ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 10:42

Thank you.

I thought I could get them to see my point of view. In the past I would have been able to but not so much now.

I have offered to help pack but my eldest declined.

OP posts:
DurinsBane · 06/07/2025 10:45

How old are the kids?

midgetastic · 06/07/2025 10:46

have they told dad to cancel his holiday ? Ask them why not

Coffeeishot · 06/07/2025 10:50

You know children/teenagers need to suck it up sometimes you are allowed a life. Your eldest can easily take their school stuff with them and adapt. Stop feeling guilty it isnt the end of the world.

Coffeeishot · 06/07/2025 10:50

ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 10:42

Thank you.

I thought I could get them to see my point of view. In the past I would have been able to but not so much now.

I have offered to help pack but my eldest declined.

Let them get on with it .

cestlavielife · 06/07/2025 10:52

It is a one off
They allowed to grumble but they will survive

Moonnstars · 06/07/2025 10:52

It's a one off event. They are secondary school age. They shouldn't be dictating to you how you live your life. I expect you have already explained to them it is a one off event, that your originally planned for them to be with their dad, but that plan has fallen through so the grandparents have kindly offered. No more discussion over it.
Why is the eldest so adamant they need to be at home? Is there something going on with them?

Original poster
ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 10:53

DurinsBane · 06/07/2025 10:45

How old are the kids?

Both secondary age but not done GCSE’s yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 10:55

midgetastic · 06/07/2025 10:46

have they told dad to cancel his holiday ? Ask them why not

I did ask that. Apparently as he’s always been away that is what they expect. I asked if it would be ok if I did that and they said no.
I have been away without them but only ever for a long weekend (& once for longer when their Dad took them away).

OP posts:
oceanaus · 06/07/2025 10:56

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I know they are ‘children’ but they’re being quite unfair to you and trying to make you feel bad. They’re staying with grandparents, just around the corner and will be taken to school as normal. Without sounding harsh, they need to get over it. Go and enjoy yourself

Zanatdy · 06/07/2025 10:58

It’s one night, they are out of order laying on a guilt trip. You planned it without the knowledge their dad would book a holiday. Either way though they’d have to stay out anyway if they normally stay with their dad

Original poster
ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 11:06

Moonnstars · 06/07/2025 10:52

It's a one off event. They are secondary school age. They shouldn't be dictating to you how you live your life. I expect you have already explained to them it is a one off event, that your originally planned for them to be with their dad, but that plan has fallen through so the grandparents have kindly offered. No more discussion over it.
Why is the eldest so adamant they need to be at home? Is there something going on with them?

Don’t think anything going on.

Hard working at school, got friends, does (and wants to do) quite a few extra curricular activities. Not in the crowd that are going to parties drinking & vaping.

Did have their brace tightened in the week which initially hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 11:08

Zanatdy · 06/07/2025 10:58

It’s one night, they are out of order laying on a guilt trip. You planned it without the knowledge their dad would book a holiday. Either way though they’d have to stay out anyway if they normally stay with their dad

To all the posters saying I should not feel guilty - thank you.
My gut feeling was that this was true but it’s nice to hear it.

I’ve quoted this poster as the point it that they would normally be with me Sunday night which seems to be the crux of the problem.

OP posts:
Rooroobear · 06/07/2025 11:24

It’s one night. I’m sure your child will cope. It’s tough, you’re the adult and the mum.

pizzaHeart · 06/07/2025 11:35

Don’t feel guilty at all, I tend to fuss over DD for every little thing but even I can’t find a flow in your plan.
I suspect they are at the age when they are able to be very vocal but still selfish and not very considerate. It won’t be long (for this issue ) as they will be able to stay on their own soon.

CountryQueen · 06/07/2025 12:02

Little shits guilt tripping their mum. You do enough for them, go and enjoy yourself without an ounce of guilt. One day they will understand

SpacedOutOut · 06/07/2025 12:10

So it’s fine for their dad but not for you!? Sod that! You need to start going away a bit more often!

Coffeeishot · 06/07/2025 12:10

Teenagers sometimes can't see past themselves annoyingly it is a developmental thing, so just pushing back because they feel out of control, you just need to skim round it and try and not pander too much.

itsgettingweird · 06/07/2025 12:14

I would direct them to their dad who changed his arrangements to go away and get them to tell him that they don’t want to stay at his parents as they’d arranged to stay at his.

Why should you always come last to his holidays and miss 1 night way for yourself?

SeaToSki · 06/07/2025 12:18

DC of that age need to suck it up. You are a human too and deserve some time to enjoy life/yourself.

I would be having a serious conversation with DC about why they felt that their wants superseded yours and asking them to reflect on the self centered nature of their complaints.