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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay out overnight on a Sunday

30 replies

ChildvMum · 06/07/2025 09:35

6 months ago I bought tickets to an afternoon & evening event on a Sunday. I have 2 secondary school age DC & their Dad (my exH) was going to look after them as they are usually with me overnight in a Sunday. He then decided to go on holiday over that time & I arranged for the DC to stay at their Grandparents who live locally. On the Monday morning they’ll get up & go to school from there (which is a very short distance).

My eldest DC has twice now argued with me for over half a hour saying I shouldn’t have arranged something for a Sunday night as I know they don’t like being away on a Sunday night. This is as they don’t like taking all their things for school to another house (which they do without complaint once a week on another night) & being at my house on a Sunday night sets them up for the week (mine was the main family home & all they remembers).

I do know this and this will be the first (and currently only planned) time this will have happened this year. Also over the 2 week holiday this will be the only night away from me.

The tickets are for a one off event with 6 out of about 8 acts that I’m really keen to see. It is far enough away that I can’t get back before they need to be in bed & I decided to take time off work so I could extend it to have time away on Monday daytime but be back for the end of school on Monday.

My youngest DC isn’t too bothered but did also argue with me briefly after the eldest DC complained to them.

Context- ExH left years ago & it is amicable, DC split their time 4nights me / 3 nights Dad. He goes abroad on holiday a handful of times a year & then I mostly look after the DC but they go to local Grandparents for any existing commitments I have. They have a good relationship with Grandparents & see them at least weekly for an hour or so. Grandparents looked after them for a day a week before they started school.

YANBU - a parent is allowed to do something for themselves occasionally even if it puts out their child

YABU - the wants of a child always come before a parents

OP posts:
Shenmen · 06/07/2025 12:22

To be honest I get their point of view. They already have to live in two different houses through non choice of their own. Absolutely no shade on the fact that you've got divorced but the reality is that they do have to, every single week, move to a different house I personally would hate this.
So then they have to spend another night no choice of their own somewhere else.

I would still do it and I would still tell them that's what's happening but I understand their frustration.

Edited for shit spelling.

Original poster
ChildvMum · 07/07/2025 19:12

pizzaHeart · 06/07/2025 11:35

Don’t feel guilty at all, I tend to fuss over DD for every little thing but even I can’t find a flow in your plan.
I suspect they are at the age when they are able to be very vocal but still selfish and not very considerate. It won’t be long (for this issue ) as they will be able to stay on their own soon.

My eldest used to be very considerate. I’m hoping it’s a stage!
It feels a long way off that I’d leave them
overnight but then again time does seem to go very quickly with kids.
They did make that point though. That I can do all I want when they’ve moved out. I don’t feel I should completely put my life on hold till then though.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChildvMum · 07/07/2025 19:16

Coffeeishot · 06/07/2025 12:10

Teenagers sometimes can't see past themselves annoyingly it is a developmental thing, so just pushing back because they feel out of control, you just need to skim round it and try and not pander too much.

I definitely am not going to change plans.
I should have nipped the conversation in the bud more quickly. The first was in the car though so it wasn’t like I could walk away although I could have attempted to change the conversation.
I think I need to try the ‘we’ll have to agree to disagree’ line more often.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChildvMum · 07/07/2025 19:29

Shenmen · 06/07/2025 12:22

To be honest I get their point of view. They already have to live in two different houses through non choice of their own. Absolutely no shade on the fact that you've got divorced but the reality is that they do have to, every single week, move to a different house I personally would hate this.
So then they have to spend another night no choice of their own somewhere else.

I would still do it and I would still tell them that's what's happening but I understand their frustration.

Edited for shit spelling.

Edited

I do see what you are saying.
I didn’t want my DC to not live with me 100% of the time but I didn’t have any choice in that.
They actually asked to go to both parents each weekend rather than EOW so they don’t seem to be trying to minimise the changeovers.
I try to make the best of a sub optimal situation.

I think you are essentially saying you understand where they are coming from but that shouldn’t stop me going in this one instance. I totally agree with this. I am happy to empathise that it isn’t ideal but the level of objections was not proportionate in my view.

OP posts:
Shenmen · 07/07/2025 23:03

ChildvMum · 07/07/2025 19:29

I do see what you are saying.
I didn’t want my DC to not live with me 100% of the time but I didn’t have any choice in that.
They actually asked to go to both parents each weekend rather than EOW so they don’t seem to be trying to minimise the changeovers.
I try to make the best of a sub optimal situation.

I think you are essentially saying you understand where they are coming from but that shouldn’t stop me going in this one instance. I totally agree with this. I am happy to empathise that it isn’t ideal but the level of objections was not proportionate in my view.

Show quote history

Yes, in think you are getting it right. I agree the level of objection was unreasonable. My DD is 15 and she can be downright awful if you dare to say no to her. Obviously I still do!

I find it I can hold it down and not snap (not always easy) and giver her time to absorb the info she can sometimes come round once she has calmed down. Obviously this is when I'm on it". Annoyingly I find it so rude I react and then it spirals.

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