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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird quirk or controlling?

33 replies

Whatton · 04/07/2025 20:46

Dp has started timing how long my before bed ritual takes me. Ie, going to the loo, brushing teeth. He claims its to prove how much longer than i take than him and how he should use the bathroom first as i "slow him down". He claims Its just a bit fun, im not sure how to take it. Advice?

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 04/07/2025 20:47

Weird

vodkaredbullgirl · 04/07/2025 20:47

Weirdo 😂

LeavesOnTrees · 04/07/2025 20:48

Both, what is he like the rest of the time ?

Yogabearmous · 04/07/2025 20:48

Start timing how long it takes him to use the bathroom each morning - only his poo routine is slowing you down

PPPPikachu · 04/07/2025 20:49

Tell us more about him, he sounds like a prince.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 20:51

Depends on what the rest of your relationship is like. I once threatened to sew a line down the middle of the fitted sheet so that I could have proof that my DH was on my side. Could be having a bit of fun while making a valid point, could be controlling. Do you take ages in the bathroom? What’s he like in other ways?

MuckFusk · 04/07/2025 20:51

It's stupid. The only way to prove you take longer is if you also time him. You can't rely on him timing himself honestly if he's angling for a way to get in first.

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/07/2025 20:51

You need two bathrooms! It’s the only way, lol. And yes, he sounds decidedly weird.

Howareyoufeelingtoday · 04/07/2025 20:52

I wouldn't call it a quirk. Weird yes.

And thinking about it controlling is probably accurate.

It's certainly nasty behaviour designed to make you feel uncomfortable and somehow at fault for doing natural bedtime things.

Ohmygodthepain · 04/07/2025 20:58

On its own, I'd be telling him he needs a new hobby as his morning poo far exceeds my bedtime and waking routine.

If part of a bigger problem of tiny complaints, little digs, constant belittling etc I'd be getting my ducks lined up.

It could be the start of controlling behaviour - it was in my case. First it was how long I took to get ready. Then when I said that I was also getting 2 kids ready he took over sorting the kids out (disastrously, as you can probably guess). Escalated to checking supermarket receipts, ringing me several times a day to check I was ok, telling me who I couldn't go out with, banning my mum from our house. The tipping point was when he told me to move my car off the drive as 'you know my car goes on the drive and yours on the street'.

Keep an eye on things if this is the case op.

Leaningcactus · 04/07/2025 21:03

It's worrying.

MrsO3 · 04/07/2025 21:04

This is very weird. But to determine if it’s controlling then it would depend if he’s controlling about other things and would also depend if it was all light hearted and a one off thing when he timed you and both found it funny etc or if he genuinely sits there with a timer and makes you feel pressured about how long it takes you to get ready.

DontTouchRoach · 04/07/2025 22:24

He sounds unbelievably tiresome. Hard to say if it’s just a silly jokey thing or controlling without knowing about his other behaviours though.

Tittibits · 04/07/2025 22:41

Controlling.

PickAChew · 04/07/2025 22:44

Definitely controlling.

What does it matter how long it takes you to get ready for bed?

lazyarse123 · 04/07/2025 23:00

Weirdo. You can bet if you let him go first he'll moan that you're disturbing him when you get in bed. Tell him to fuck right off.

whynotmereally · 05/07/2025 09:04

Just tell him it’s getting boring and he’s welcome to go up earlier if he wants first dibs on the bathroom.

SoSoLong · 05/07/2025 09:32

If you're spending 1h in the bathroom when he just wants to take 2 minutes to brush his teeth, he's got a point. If not, he's weird.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 05/07/2025 09:34

My husband and I do a bedtime ballet, with using the loo and cleaning teeth, but we do it together.

I have a wee, he cleans his teeth, he has a wee, I clean my teeth.

TheOccupier · 05/07/2025 09:35

You need two bathrooms. In two separate houses.

NuffSaidSam · 05/07/2025 09:35

If he's quick and you take ages I can see why he wants to go first.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 05/07/2025 09:38

Wtaf. How odd. I think more context is needed about the relationship as a whole.
If its literally him just wanting to go first at night as hes done and dusted in 2 minutes whereas you take an hour and hes making a point in a jokey way, but the relationship as a whole is great, then fair enough.
But if there's other red flags then its part of a bigger picture.

CanINapNow · 05/07/2025 10:14

Sounds fine to me. As long as he’s happy to time himself too to double check. Makes sense for him to go first if you take much longer than him.

I actually used to time myself getting ready for bed when I was single as I got into a bad habit of faffing around for ages and then going to bed really late. I’d give myself half an hour to get it all done and be in bed with my book lol.

Eldermileniummam · 05/07/2025 10:16

It's weird but then it sounds like you insist on using the bathroom first and take a long time in which case he may have a point

Whaleandsnail6 · 05/07/2025 10:21

SoSoLong · 05/07/2025 09:32

If you're spending 1h in the bathroom when he just wants to take 2 minutes to brush his teeth, he's got a point. If not, he's weird.

I agree with this...I don't necessarily think its that odd if it is an isolated incident and you do take a long time compared to him

sounds like he is just trying to prove a point that he can be in and out and into bed, whereas you take much longer so he is hanging around before he can go to sleep