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Original poster

DP kicking off because I’ve cancelled our plans to see friend

64 replies

IzzyN · 04/07/2025 13:18

My best friend is going through an awful breakup and has messaged me this morning to say she feels really down and could do with some company tonight. She has been there for me in the past so I asked DP if he’d mind we move our planned dinner to tomorrow (we are both free and the restaurant has availability). He called on my lunch break and got funny with me, said that she can’t expect me to just drop plans and that she’d be better off without her ex. I wasn’t a big fan of him either, but pointed out that’s beyond the point. He said that she ‘wont go short of c**k’ so I should just tell her to go on a night out. I told DP he should be more understanding and that I am going to see her as that’s what friends do.

OP posts:
Gallivanterer · 04/07/2025 13:20

I dont like his last comment, its disgusting.

However I know break ups can be really bad, but i still think you should have honoured your dinner plans with your DP.

rubyslippers · 04/07/2025 13:20

His response is disgusting
is that how he speaks generally

TravelPanic · 04/07/2025 13:21

Why can’t you see your friend tomorrow night instead? She won’t be suddenly happy tomorrow and will still need support. I’d be annoyed too if you’re trying to rearrange plans with other people.

TravelPanic · 04/07/2025 13:22

Sorry, just realised your plans are only with DP - easier to move in that case but I still don’t see why you can’t meet her tomorrow instead?

that said, your partner’s language is horrible. Does he usually talk like that?

Darby3785 · 04/07/2025 13:23

Your DP was completely out of order with his comment but to be honest he is probably a bit annoyed you have rearranged your dinner plans! I wouldn't be happy with my DH if he did this unless it was a complete emergency! Yes she is going through a tough time but you can just drop everything!

sheknowsitstoolate · 04/07/2025 13:25

I would go and see her tomorrow instead. He shouldn’t have said what he said though.

Wishimaywishimight · 04/07/2025 13:25

I can understand him being a little disappointed but his comment is disgusting. Hearing my partner speak about a woman in such a vulgar manner would put me right off him.

FrenchandSaunders · 04/07/2025 13:25

Wow what a thing to say about your friend ... I think you should dump him and go out with the best friend more often!

He has obv got a thing about her to say that!

ManchesterGirl2 · 04/07/2025 13:26

You sound a lovely friend. He should be more understanding. All you're doing is moving dinner with him by one night.

ManchesterGirl2 · 04/07/2025 13:26

Darby3785 · 04/07/2025 13:23

Your DP was completely out of order with his comment but to be honest he is probably a bit annoyed you have rearranged your dinner plans! I wouldn't be happy with my DH if he did this unless it was a complete emergency! Yes she is going through a tough time but you can just drop everything!

Moving dinner to the following night is hardly "dropping everything" is it?

Dozycuntlaters · 04/07/2025 13:27

I'm with your DH to be honest. Yes of course we want to be there for our friends when they're going through a tough time but I wouldn't be cancelling dinner plans with my partner because she wants company. You should have just said sorry I can't come over tonight and then just arranged another time. Are you going to cancel further plans whenever she needs company? Don't be too available. I've known people like this, you jump through hoops for them, and then once life is fine and dandy again you don't see them for dust.

Yes of course, be there for her, but not at the detriment to other relationships, and set some boundaries.

ManchesterGirl2 · 04/07/2025 13:28

I've known people like this, you jump through hoops for them, and then once life is fine and dandy again you don't see them for dust.

OP says "She has been there for me in the past".

Dunnocantthinkofone · 04/07/2025 13:28

His comments were repulsive and that sort of misogyny would have me rethinking a relationship with him

Yabu to drop him in these circumstances though. You could easily see you friend at some point over the weekend when you didn’t have to let someone else down

OVienna · 04/07/2025 13:29

Partner speaks like a bellend. LTB.

verycloakanddaggers · 04/07/2025 13:29

If you live with your DP and it isn't a special arrangement then he's a total arse.

If it's a special date he may have a point about cancelling but his comments are still awful and it sounds like you could do better.

DoYouReally · 04/07/2025 13:34

Are you sure that you and your partner are compatible because you sound very nice, decent ans considerate and him.... well, not so much?

MageQueen · 04/07/2025 13:36

I think cancelling dinner with your partner depends entirely on a lot of things. If you regularly go out for dinner and it's no big deal, rescheduling is fine. For DH and I, for example, who almost never go out for dinner and it requires military planning with babysitters etc.... I would not cancel dinner out unless I absolutely had to and would be more likely ot say to my friend, "I'll bring wine and pizza tomorrow as I can't tonight."

But your Dp clearly doesn't like your riend or feel very sympathetic and is a bit disgusting with his comments - DH would be very understanding if I had a friend who was struggling. He didn't blink an eye when I dropped everything to support a friend trhough cancer recently - because he also cares about her.

Gallivanterer · 04/07/2025 13:39

ManchesterGirl2 · 04/07/2025 13:28

I've known people like this, you jump through hoops for them, and then once life is fine and dandy again you don't see them for dust.

OP says "She has been there for me in the past".

Sure, but its a break up. Its not like shes been told shes got a week left to live.
She felt terrible yesterday and she'll feel terrible tomorrow. That's breakups flr you.

Cancelling dinner plans because of a friend's breakup just feels a bit reality tv drama.

pikkumyy77 · 04/07/2025 13:42

Darby3785 · 04/07/2025 13:23

Your DP was completely out of order with his comment but to be honest he is probably a bit annoyed you have rearranged your dinner plans! I wouldn't be happy with my DH if he did this unless it was a complete emergency! Yes she is going through a tough time but you can just drop everything!

Oh my god! Rearranged dinner plans! /faints/

FFS how low is your opinion of men that an adult male is presumed to be unable to handle a woman prioritizing a friend in need over a dinner?

TomatoSandwiches · 04/07/2025 13:43

They way he talks about your friend would have given me the ick, you can do better than a man like that come on.

diddl · 04/07/2025 13:43

So when you asked he if he minded moving dinner plans what did he say?

Surely he either says yes with good grace or no?

Although I wouldn't want to be with someone who spoke about a friend of mine (or anyone!) like that.

Does he know the difference between a relationship & casual sex?

PasDevantLes · 04/07/2025 13:44

TravelPanic · 04/07/2025 13:22

Sorry, just realised your plans are only with DP - easier to move in that case but I still don’t see why you can’t meet her tomorrow instead?

that said, your partner’s language is horrible. Does he usually talk like that?

Yes, I'd just have said I was busy tonight, but would see her whenever she wanted tomorrow. It's not as if she's going to feel magically better tomorrow.

BeachPossum · 04/07/2025 13:52

He sounds like a pig

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 04/07/2025 13:58

Do you have a habit of rearranging your dp for other people?

PollyBell · 04/07/2025 13:59

He sounds revolting but no I wouldnt have changed plans which is a separate thing, it is rude

People break up all the time it was not essential you were there

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