why is called the SCs home when it isn't?

[cardycard]

I keep seeing this scenario.

Woman with her own house. She is paying for the bills. Her DP moves in. His kids come EOW. Why do so many people say it is the SC's home?

Home in this case is where a child resides, be it one day or full time. Who pays for the home is irrelevant. If a parent lives there and a child lives there on certain days it’s their home. While the relationship is ongoing it’s the SC home, maybe their part time home, but still a home. Should the relationship break down and the parent moved out, then that property ceases to be the SC’s home. No one can force a couple to remain together - but a parent must provide a home of sorts. This could be a temporary one like an Airbnb I would have thought. It’s not about ownership.

I think the onus is on you to pay for your kids but if you allow a man with children to move in with you and don't ask him to pay that doesn't make it not the children's home.

A temporary home would be something the parent knows is temporary, like emergency accommodation or an Airbnb etc. They would probably have to put most of their belongings in storage ready for their more permanent home which would be a rented property, their partner’s property or their own property or a relative’s property.

Home for a split family are Mum or Dads house when M or D are paying mortgage/rent or children live somewhere for more than EOW, 50/50.
So their primary carer's house would be their home IYSWIM.
If the parent lives in someone else's home then the children should know that it's x or y's house but home is the parent not the bricks and mortar.

Such an odd thread. Of course it's their home. It might well be a temporary home. it may well be that it's a home they could lose at any time. But while their father is living there and they are spending time with him in that home, it is their home.

And even families in stable, loving relationships, married, with both names on the deed and the mortgage may lose their home or change homes. Something being called a "home" doesn't mean it's there forever or that it's completely safe forever.

I would recommend that any parent who chooses to move in with a partner or who moves their partner in, consider the long term impact on their children both of the original move and the potential for any future moves. That sholdnt be rocket science, but it's amazing how often it is.

Also, I have 100% seen (on here only, admittedly, not in real life) the issue where a relationship breaks up, the person who is expected to leave (with their children) feels their children's home has been taken from them (by the person who is staying). But whether or not that's true is irrelevant.

Correct.
It Is the parent’s responsibility to provide a home for their children. If they choose to risk their children’s stability by moving in to someone else’s home, rather than setting up their own home, that’s on the parent. At no point does it become the responsibility of the home owning partner.

You had to fill out a form before you posted this thread? I posted a thread a few days ago and I didn't have to fill out a form I just clicked a button.

All homes are temporary. When you rent, it's often very temporary, when you move in with a partner it might be temporary, everyone acknowledges that but it is no less a home because you will likely leave and live somewhere else at some point. That is true for the bloke in your scenario and his kids (and the woman to the extent that she won't live where she lives now, forever).

I think you’re confused about a home being a permanent thing.

There’s a difference between having a home and having security.

Most homes aren’t 100% secure but the amount of security depends on whether you own or rent, whether your name is on the deeds or tenancy etc.

I am in rented housing and it is 100% mine and my children’s home.
But I don’t have 100% security as my landlord could choose to sell and the next place we live will then become our home.

If someone moves in with you then it is 100% their home.
If they have kids then the parents home automatically becomes their home too.
That does not equal security though.

You may own the building but you share your home.

It isn't their home.

If the father is living with someone who solely owns the home, it's his place of residence, not his home and that could change at any time.

So it's not his children's home and he isn't providing them a home, just a place to stay a couple nights a week.

Think if he moved in with a male friend for a bit. Would it be considered his home? No. Would it be considered his kids' home? No.

I think that anyone who starts dating / living with a partner with children needs to get these things sorted out way before the move. If a partner is not able to accept the children and partner as a family then it's never going to work.
If you're adamant it's your house, you won't even use comforting words to his children that's it's their EOW home with daddy, then it's probably best to date men with no baggage - not ideal but you need to tell him you're not interested in embracing him and his kids. If he's done with that then red flag because you'll find yourself in the same position potentially risky if you fall pregnant too

I know a father who has his son EOW and moved in with his partner. 2 bed house. They got rid of the bed from the spare room, to create a nursery for the new baby, and his son had to sleep on the sofa. He felt pushed out of the new family - they clearly didn't want him there as they got rid of "his" bed. It's really sad and now the boy is saying he doesn't want to go there. If you take on a partner with children, you make everyone feel welcome - it's not the SC's fault that they have to have 2 homes, but both places should feel like home.

I don't think you know what home means

What is your point Op? Why are you posting?
All you’re doing is arguing with everyone who sees it differently to you.
Why don’t you just talk straight instead of in riddles and then someone may be able to actually help you and give you advice

No, unless she is married to the man it is up to him to provide another home for his children.
Don’t marry a man if you have your own home and he doesn’t.

If you want to get pedantic then any home is a temporary home, if you’re renting it’s only your home until your landlord ends the tenancy. If you have a mortgage it’s only your home until you sell it. If a couple own a home it might only be your home until you break up.

No one views it like that, they just view where they are living as home. So a man living with his gf is living in his own home. And if that’s his home, it’s his kids home. End of.

If you allow someone to move in with you, you’re agreeing for them to make that their home - and you shouldn’t agree to it if you are holding it over their head threatening that it’s temporary. And no one should be making kids feel like their dad’s home isn’t theirs. They should be made to feel welcome and at home when they are with their dad

My partner moved into my home, he contributes. He has a son. I have 2 kids with me majority of the time and a 4-bed house, so we turned the spare room into his son's room. It absolutely is his son's home too. What's the issue?

If two people mutually decide to live together then regardless whose name is on the deeds, it is home to both of them. Otherwise the power imbalance will break the relationship.

You can't feel indebted to someone for 'doing you a favour' when you both agreed to it.

And yes, if he has children, then it is their home too.

😂

I have two guesses on what OPs problem is

• the most obvious one - her bf has moved in, she doesn’t like how his kids behave and is outraged her bf has suggested it’s their home too.
• A mum who is livid that her children are referring to their dad’s new house as home because he’s moved in with another woman and she’s jealous

Yes they are temporary but there is much more stability if your name is on the rental agreement or the house as opposed to I live there so it is mine and my children's home.

really? I have never had to do that.

What has prompted this thread OP? Why are you so keen to define things in this way?

It’s still their home for as long as their dad lives there. Same with any other set up

Why aren’t you answering anyone’s questions? People are trying to help you but if you don’t actually explain what your situation is or the problem you’re having it’s very hard.

At the moment it’s all just coming across as bizarre.